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McDonald’s Shutting Down ALL of Its Crimea Locations Following The Russian Invasion!

Filed under: PolitikFoodFast Food

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Russia’s attempt to super-size their nation’s borders may have just cost the citizens of Crimea their Golden Arches!

Fast food giant McDonald’s has closed ALL of its franchises in the disputed territory following Russia’s annexation of the peninsula earlier this year!

McD’s explained that the shut downs were due to

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Darth Vader Is Running For President Of Ukraine! Try Invading Now, Putin!

Filed under: PolitikStar Wars

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The most bad ass asthmatic in the Galaxy is invading Earth, starting in the one place that probably needs the most help fighting their own evil Empire: the Ukraine!

Okay, well sort of. The Ukrainian Internet Party is officially backing Darth Vader as their choice for the Ukraine's upcoming presidential election!

With Russian troops still amassed on the Ukraine's border (although a battalion has reportedly left), the threat of more military conflict is still great. This place is strong with the dark side of the force!

Sure, the Russians may have annexed Crimea from the Ukraine, but with this Sith lord in charge, all he'd need to do is send a couple ATATs in there, and do a little "VOOSH-VOOSH" with his lightsaber and bring balance to the place!

Meanwhile, Darth addressed the election himself in a party message:

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