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What The Tabs Are Talking About!

Twilight Baby Time KStew RPatz

Sit down ya'll, it's time to have a kiki!

Are RPatz and KStew ready to have a real-life baby?

According to one tab, YES! And Twilight is what convinced them to rush!

Of course, everyone wants to talk about Captain Jack Sparrow's Johnny Depp's tryst with bisexual beauty Amber Heard after his well publicized split!!

And, every week, it seems like we get new details about how Katy Perry and Russell Brand went so wrong so fast — that story just gets more and more sad.

Speaking of stories that do NOT die, one tabloid reports a John Travolta and Kelly Preston's split — even though they were totes lovey-dovey at the Savages premiere!

Also, Paula Deen and Oprah are looking super seksy for older gals after all their weight loss while some stars are looking like the Crypt Keeper on bath salts when they're photographed without make-up on!

Check out the gallery (below) to see all the scandalous — and ridiculous — headlines from this week's tabloid jungle!

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Awesome New Cast Additions To Scream 4!

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Oh hell yes!

This cast keeps getting better and better!

Well, with the exception of Pain-in-the-Ass! We thought she would have been replaced by now. She is the worst!

But we digress.

Adam Brody, Marley Shelton, and Erik Knudsen have joined the cast of the much-anticipated Scream 4!

Shelton (we think a much better choice) will be replacing Lake Bell as the Woodsboro Deputy Sheriff, who apparently went to High School with Neve Campbell's Sidney Prescott.

Brody will be a fresh-faced cop, who has recently graduated from college and knows most of his shiz from watching police procedurals on TV growing up!

Knudsen will be taking over as the comic relief - his character is apparently similar to Jamie Kennedy's Randy from the originals - but we think he looks a lot less like the Crypt Keeper!

And that's pretty much all we know about the plot! We're hearing that security around Kevin Williamson's script is so tight that director Wes Craven told the actors that they aren't allowed to read past page 75 - so they don't know what happens in the climax!

Crazy! This movie is going to be amazing!

We can't wait!

What do U think about the recent cast additions to Scream 4??

[Image via WENN.]

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Girls With Low Self-Esteem: Jennifer Love Hewitt Edition

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Now that Jennifer Love Desperate and that crypt-keeper Jamie Kennedy have ended their beautiful romance, girlfriend is freaking out over the devastating realization that she is SINGLE and trying to promote a self-help book on relationships, The Day I Shot Cupid: Hello, My Name is Jennifer Love Hewitt and I'm a Desperate Hack Love-aholic!!

HA. We love cruel irony.

The saddest girl in the entire world says:

"Back in the shark tank! I never said in the book that I knew how to be in the perfect relationship. I say in my book I want to be the readers' kind spirit out in the dating world. And now, more than ever, I am. I don't like to go out to clubs and party. I'm not into 'Let's go out with one guy on a Monday and another guy on a Wednesday' – that's just not me. I'm a relationship kind of girl. I like a twosome. Some people get excited about being single. I don't."

We NOTICED. You'll date just about ANYTHING to avoid having to sleep alone at night, won't you??

HOWEVER, you can't deny that clutching your body pillow tonight will be a lot more comfortable than that mutant Kennedy!

Desperate is also wants us all to be comforted by how mature she and her ex are while they work together on her SHITEOUS show Ghost Whisperer.

"We've parted as friends. There's no anger, there's no upset, there's no enemies. It's been totally fine. It's really a testament to who he is and to who I am. We're both grown-ups."

HA. Yeah, we're sure it's sooo amicable.

Who wants to place bets on how long it takes before his character is horribly and violently killed off?

Girlfriend closes with:

"I want to be an independent woman who falls in love, finds a great partner for her lifetime, has kids and kind of does it all. I'd like to have it all."

Who else thinks that she, the Simpleton, and MANiston need to form a knitting circle??

They can all talk about their overbearing need to find self-worth and validation from douchebags!! Or all the freaky shiz John Mayer tried to make them do in bed!!

Bwa ha ha.

[Image via WENN.]

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