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Sofia Vergara Has Nips Of Steel In New NSFW Machete Kills Trailer!

Charlie Sheen is the President of the United States and he wants Mel Gibson DEAD!

Umm, sold! This flick is going to be AWESOME!

But wait, Machete Kills gets even better!

Before Danny Trejo can get close enough to Mel to chop his head off (Machete's specialty, as evidenced in the trailer) he has to go through the Gibson army of girls including Sofia Vergara!

Get on their bad side and they'll whip out their tittays and rapid fire your ass to pieces!

Woah!

The B-movie homage also stars Vanessa Hudgens, Amber Heard, Cuba Gooding Jr., Michelle Rodriguez and Jessica Alba!

Ch-ch-check out the blood bath in the new NSFW trailer for this seXXXy sequel! (above)

¡Vámonos!

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Mel Gibson Is Evil…In New Machete Kills Trailer!

Mel Gibson gets his crazy eyes on playing the arms dealer villain in the new Machete Kills trailer.

The star-studded sequel to Machete, this movie promises to have everything you could possibly want from a sequel to Machete: nuclear missiles, explosions, and what appears to be the Swiss Army Knife version of the titular machete.

Speaking of "titular," Sofia Vergara plays one of Mel's super soldiers sent to kill Machete. Her weapons of choice? Machine gun breasts, or as Austin Powers might call them, "machine gun jubblies!"

Meanwhile, Charlie Sheen plays the President, who wakes up to a call in the beginning of the trailer sleeping with 3 strippers women. LOL! Bet he had to do a lot of character research for that!

And of course the trailer is filled with classic lines from Danny Trejo's Machete, including one that will probably make AFI's Top Movie Quote list:

"Machete don't tweet."

But does Machete Vine or Instagram? Because we'd follow him in a heart beat!

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Spy Kid Alexa Vega's Lady Parts Have Matured In Machete Kills

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Whoa! They grow up so fast, don't they?

Alexa Vega, the lil' cutie from 2001's Spy Kids, looks daaaaayum adult-like in this still from Machete Kills!

She isn't the only hottie poking her head out for the sequel Danny Trejo's 2010 cult classic — Amber Heard is finer than panda fur too!

Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez will reprise their roles from the first flick, but we're most excited to see what newcomers Vanessa Hudgens and Mel Gibson bring to the cast!

Robert Rodriguez's Machete Kills open July 31, 2013!

In the meanwhile, ch-ch-check out more hot pics of Alexa (below)!

[Image via Twitter.]

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Danny Trejo Even Makes Riding A Bike Look Badass!

Filed under: Etc.Bike It

Danny Trejo Bike Badass

There are two camps out there: people who think Danny Trejo can make anything look badass, and people who don't know who Danny Trejo is.

We're in the former!

Seriously. Just check out these pics (above and below) of Machete Danny just riding a bike in El Lay.

We're get the feeling he could kick out asses in like 100 different ways with it!

Mix this with the fact that we hear Danny is actually a sweetheart in person, and you've got one interesting dude — who's totally keeping active!

Keep it up Danny!

We can't wait to see Machete II!

[Image via WENN.]

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The Machete Kills One-Sheet Has Arrived!

Filed under: Film Flickers

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Well, they are certainly wasting no time with this flick's promotional material now that it's being financed!

Check out the brand new poster for Robert Rodriguez's sequel to Machete, called Machete Kills, in which Danny Trejo's character will be hired by the U.S. government to stop a Mexican drug lord and billionaire trying to launch a weapon in space (above)!

Pretty much what we'd expect the poster to look like!

Doesn't need much! Just blood splatter and a badass!

AKA exactly what we want for this sequel!

How about U?

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More Machete?! Yes Please!!! Machete 2 Gets Financed!

Filed under: Film FlickersBusiness Blitz

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We've been waiting for this for a looonng time!

Danny Trejo gets to dust off his machete and knives and he will be returning for Machete Kills.

Director Robert Rodriguez will partner with Alexander Rodnyasky to finance the film. Rodriguez hopes he can start production in April.

With the script already written, Machete will be hired by the U.S. government to stop a Mexican drug lord and billionaire trying to launch a weapon in space.

Those who survived the first flick are also expected to return for the second.

Are U excited about Machete Kills as much as we are?!

[Image via WENN.]

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Rihanna Got Inked With Machete!

Filed under: RihannaWacky, Tacky & True

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Just in case it wasn't badass enough that Rihanna recently tattooed "Thug Life" across her fingers in honor of Tupac, it appears that Machete star Danny Trejo was in the same parlor last night when the pop star came in!

He explains:

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