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Charlie Sheen Is…MACHETE!

charlie sheen wields a machete

Looks like Robert Rodriguez has found the star of his next movie! (Sorry Danny Trejo…)

Check out the photos (above, & below) of Charlie Sheen celebrating his termination from Two and a Half Men by wielding a machete on top of the Beverly Hills Live Nation office building, whilst drinking a bottle of Coca Cola Tiger Blood.

Scariest part? Here are a couple of excerpts from a phone conversation Charlie had with his media advisor Bob Maron:

"We need to hack up the person responsible for this bad connection. We need to hack him up into pieces in front of his children."

"We need to cut off his face and wear it and go on a very tightly-budgeted shopping spree in stores that don't exist yet."

It's pret-ty disturbing to us that the same guy who made these comments was photographed in possession of a sharp, lethal weapon.

…And is it just us, or are the peeps next to Charlie WAY too comfortable? He's wielding a machete AND drinking Tiger Blood!

Creeeepy!

Do U think Machete Charlie is ACTUALLY drinking Tiger Blood here?

[Image via WENN.]

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More Machete On Its Way! Sequel Script Already Completed!

Filed under: Lindsay LohanFilm Flickers

machete sequel script completed

Please finish up on Spy Kids 17 so we can have some more Machete in our lives, Robert Rodriguez!

According to Machete star Danny Trejo, the script for the sequel has already been completed.

Here's Trejo on a conversation he had with Robert Rodriguez about the script:

"I asked him when he was going to write it and he says it's written, so we can get started pretty quick."

More from Trejo on the Machete sequel:

"We went all over the world with that movie and people kept having me sign these Machete action figures, it was a lot of fun. I don't even think Robert Rodriguez even expected that reception and now everyone is waiting for Machete 2 so hurry up Robert Rodriguez!"

According to Trejo, the titles for the sequels (that's right, sequels! plural!) will be Machete Kills and Machete Kills Again.

Rodriguez was able to get Robert De Niro and Lindsay Lohan in the first film. We'll be VERY curious to see who he gets for the next one.

Are U excited for more Machete in your life?

[Image via WENN.]

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LOLhan's Naked Almost The Whole Time In Machete!

Filed under: Lindsay LohanFilm Flickers

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What an inspiring and nuanced return to cinematic greatness!

Although not much has been revealed about Lindsanity LOLhan's role in Robert Rodriguez's Machete - her first film since the direct-to-ABC Family Labor Pains - a tipster recently revealed that the hard-pAArtying wacktress truly sinks her teeth into an extremely significant role!

They write:

I saw Machete. It's really well-executed exploitation… but Lindsay is barely in it. She's nude almost the whole time (except for the "nun with a gun" scene), and she has a videotaped ménage à trois with her mother (not Dina) and Danny Trejo in a pool. Her father pulls her out of a drug den type situation and confesses (to priest Cheech Marin) to lustful thoughts about his daughter. "i just wish she'd look at me as more of a man." I don't know if the small role was tailored to her… But. Yeah.

Ha! Amazing!

It must have been difficult to inhabit such a deeply layered and complex role!

Or, you know, she should probably just skip playing a porn star in Inferno and segue straight over into the real thing!

LOLs!

Thoughts??

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Machete Star Talks Lindsanity!

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We agree with you, Machete! Wise man!

Lindsanity's three-way partner co-star in her latest movie, Danny Trejo, has spent some time behind bars himself, and took some time at Comic-Con to weigh in on the hard-pAArtying wacktress!

He says:

"She knows who to call when she needs help, and she knows who to call for the people around her that are staying clean. She got caught up, and now it's time to get uncaught. I honestly believe that she might need the break. She might just need a break to get grounded and just chill out for about 30 days and see where her life is. I think once she gets her mind cleared and … if there are people around her that aren't saying, 'Hey, stop!' then she needs to get rid of them."

Right on all counts, sir!

But we think she should spend a lot more than a month away from this scene! It will CLEARLY be a long time before she can handle it - if EVER!

Thoughts??

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Lindsanity Finally Acting Again!

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Robert Rodriquez's flick Machete finally got a release date, so on Labor Day this year, Lindsanity will be on the big screen.

And since it was filmed last fall, she may not look like the wreck of a human she's become!

The film, which was based on Rodriguez's fake trailer for Grindhouse, will be released on September 3rd. It stars Danny Trejo as a knife-wielding Mexican ex-Federale who is double-crossed by a crooked politician.

Considering La Loca's probably gonna die early on in the flick, it also stars Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriquez.

Will U spend $$$$ to see LiLo "act"?!

[Image via WENN.]

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