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Nicki Minaj's Bootylicious Anaconda Video Slammed By Al Roker! Host Ain't Being Coy About His Dislike!

Filed under: Celebrity FeudsNicki Minaj

al roker calls nicki minaj desperate

Al Roker is definitely NOT a fan of Nicki Minaj's booty poppin' ways!

The Today show host didn't hold back when asked about Nicki's sextastic Anaconda video.

Al commented:

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Lindsay Lohan Is "Freaked Out" About Possibly Spending Christmas Behind Bars!

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One would think that having been in jail before and knowing just how awful it was, Lindsay Lohan would have cleaned up her act and done everything she could to avoid making the mistakes that put her behind bars in the first place!

But as we all know, that has NOT been the case for the troubled starlet!

In fact, despite the fact that she deliberately lied to the police about her responsibility and involvement in the PCH car accident that ultimately led to her latest probation violation, she's now said to be freaking out over the very real possibility that she could be back in jail by the time Christmas and New Year's roll around, and has told her long-suffering lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, to do whatever it takes to keep her out!

Insiders explain:

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Kristen Stewart's Desperation Sparkles Through As She Itches Herself On The Black Carpet!

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Nope, this one actually has nothing to do with R-Patz!

Yesterday's Breaking Dawn: Part 2 black carpet premiere was a once in a lifetime event, filled with excitement, anticipation, and more than a bit of teary-eyed nostalgia.

Yet the faint aroma of desperation also polluted the air. It clung to Kristen Stewart as a speck of doodoo might cling to the inside of an otherwise pristine toilet bowl.

But why?! Is she not the girl with everything?

Not quite, as she revealed

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Heidi Still Thinks LC Would Give Her The Time Of Day!

Filed under: MTVLauren ConradHeidi MontagTwitter

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Girl, please!

Yesterday afternoon, in yet another tweet of desperation, Heidi Montag reached out to her former friend and Hills co-star, Lauren Conrad. She posted:

"Watching old Hills I miss you @AudrinaPatridge and most of all @laurenconrad."

Aw! Reliving the past! Are you trying to find the exact moment where your life took a turn for the worst?

Here's a hint: ENTER SPENCER PRATT!!!

As LC once famously said to you, she wants to forgive you…and forget you. Chances are, you've been long forgotten!

What happened to all your new trashy friends you were going to do a new reality show with? Where'd they go???

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Typical!

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Jennifer Love Desperate went shopping yesterday with a friend in West Hollywood. The pair strolled past Kitson, hoping the photogs would take pity on Jennifer and snap her picture while they waited for someone better to come along.

Imagine how much free time Jennifer would have if she wasn't always scheming for ways to get attention!

[Image via WENN.]

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Jennifer Love Desperate's Book Is The Perfect Storm Of Crazy

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We needed a good, hearty laugh today.

Some brilliant publisher thought it would be an inspired idea to let Jennifer Love Desperate write a book of relationship advice, The Day I Shot Cupid, and by some amazing, otherworldly twist of fate, it's being released right on the heels of the HACKtress's break-up with that gremlin Jamie Kennedy!

We've been wondering what kind of crazy desperation girlfriend would want to share with the world, and luckily for us, NPR writer Linda Holmes risked her sanity to read that mess and then compiled a list of the HIGHlights!

LOLz!

WARNING: Get ready for your brain to melt out of your ears as you read.

1. On page two of the introduction, the word "TRUTH" (in all caps, thusly) is followed by 23 exclamation points. On page three of the introduction, the word "love" is followed by five question marks. Two sentences later, the word "CUPID" is followed by two exclamation points. Three pages into the book — pages of the introduction, which comes after the preface — you're already basically reading the late stages of an Internet message-board meltdown.

2. On her own press: "I cannot even tell you how many times I've been reading an article, happy with what they have written, focusing on all the right things, and then, like the clap, it appears: serial dater." It seems to me that there is a very unfortunate and obviously unintentional parallel being drawn here between what causes one thing to "appear" and what causes another thing to "appear."

3. "Guys hate to spoon — they prefer to fork, lol!"

4. "This is embarrassing and personal, but once a month, since I was twelve years old, I go to my favorite jewelry store and try on my dream ring." She is 31 years old. If this is true, she has made roughly 225 trips to the jewelry store to try on engagement rings. I do not know where to go with this.

5. From the list of 20 Things To Do After A Breakup: "Make out with a stranger (he must be gorgeous or you'll feel worse)."

6. From the list of 10 Things To Do Before A Date: "Spray tan is a must."

7. From the list of Strikes, where if a guy has three, you forget it: "He keeps saying 'That's so dumb' when you're talking." Oh … Jennifer Love Hewitt. I'm so sorry that possibly might have happened to you once or twice or I'm assuming you might not have brought it up.

8. "Remember, your body is a temple, not a 7-Eleven."

9. From the list of What A Man Should Know: How to pick a diamond, and To always have a coat for you. A coat for you? Always? He should always have a coat for you? And pick out diamonds? I am beginning to think that Jennifer Love Hewitt and I do not share exactly the same priorities vis-a-vis romantic situations and also who is in charge of choosing and transporting our clothing.

10. I really don't want to go into detail about the last one. I will just point you to a video where she explains it. Because … apparently everyone had already heard about this except for me, so I was the only one completely weirded out by it. It is … NSFWPOFR (Not Safe For Watching Party Of Five Reruns), to say the least.

HA. Number FOUR. OMFG.

You might as well buy yourself that effing ring with your Ghost Whisperer paycheck, bb, because now that you've shown all of your crazy for the world to see, no self-respecting man in his right mind is coming near you!

Bwa ha ha ha ha.

[Image via AP Images.]

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The Simpleton Talks More About Her Desperation

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All right, Sexual Napalm, ENOUGH!

If you keep ranting on and on about wanting a relationship, all the good men are going to go running for the hills!

Jessica Simpson is STOOPIDLY wasting all of the press John Mayer got her with his asinine comments by sounding like a hack desperate for a man in her life!

Girlfriend said:

"I want a confident man. A man who understands me and can deal with my life and is not embarrassed of my life. And can support my life. And allow me to be a powerful woman. And allow me to be powerful in the relationship. I'm not going to give up my role in this life to just be a housewife. What is attractive to me about a man is a man’s spirituality. Just the way that he carries himself. I kind of like a rough man a little bit. A man's man."

UGH, JUST STOP.

It's seriously almost TOO sad.

At this point, Simpleton, you need to just settle for what you can get, or you'll end up even worse off than MANiston or Jennifer Love Hewitt!

Goodness, Mayer just sniffed you three peas in a pod right out, didn't he?

[Image via WENN.]

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