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23 Olympic Athletes Just Tested Positive For Blood Doping — And Consequences Are Coming! Get The Cheatin' Deets!

Filed under: DrugsOops!Wacky, Tacky & TrueZportzBusted!FitnessScience!OlympicsCrazzzzyViral: News

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Science is crazy!

The International Olympic Committee announced on Friday that 23 athletes from six different countries have tested positive for blood doping, and that a disciplinary commission has been called to review and hand out penalties.

Sounds pretty straightforward, no? Well… until you learn that these 23 athletes' positive tests came from blood they sampled four years ago at the 2012 London Olympics!!

Related: U.S. Women's Soccer Team May Boycott Rio De Janeiro!

The IOC keeps athletes' blood and urine samples on file for ten years after each Games specifically so that they can be reanalyzed later on as drug testing becomes more advanced.

And, yes, positive tests — even a decade after the initial sample was given — can lead to sanctions, disqualifications, loss of medals, and banishment from future games!

In these nearly-two dozen athletes' cases, the punishment is only just beginning, according to IOC Prez Thomas Bach, who released a statement about the positive tests (below):

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Russian Speed Skating Champion Fails Test For Same Drug As Maria Sharapova!

Filed under: DrugsOops!ZportzBusted!HealthMaria SharapovaTennisOlympicsCrazzzzy

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Well this is bad!

Tennis star Maria Sharapova was busted for a drug called meldonium on Monday — and now, a Russian speed skater has been nabbed by an anti-doping agency for traces of the very same drug in HIS system!

World champion speed skater Pavel Kulizhnikov failed his doping test, according to the athlete's coach, Dmitry Dorofeev — but the coach refused to say when or where the skater tested positive for the drug.

Related: Sponsors Distance Themselves From Sharapova!

The World Anti-Doping Agency added the drug on their banned list on January 1, and while Dorofeev claims that Kulizhnikov took it last year before it became banned, it's not clear whether he did it knowingly after the first of the year.

Either way, the speed skater has to serve a doping ban now — and the five world championship gold medals he's won since the start of 2015 are just going to have to sit on the shelf!

For what it's worth, Kulizhnikov also served a doping ban from 2012 to 2014, after he tested positive for a separate drug… so, yeah…

This drug is becoming a real problem!

[Image via Twitter.]

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Russia Likely Out Of The 2016 Olympics After Investigation Uncovers Widespread Doping Among The Country's Athletes!

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Well this should make for an inneresting summer!

According to Europe's top sports federation, Russia is probably going to miss the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro!

Related: NFL Star Peyton Manning Denies Doping Allegations!

The International Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF) banned Russia indefinitely after the World Anti-Doping Agency uncovered Russian athletes in a variety of sports using banned substances.

The report went even further than that, though, and claimed

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Lance Armstrong Admits He'd 'Probably' Cheat Again If He Had The Chance To Do It All Over

Filed under: DrugsLance Armstrong

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Well, we're not sure if Lance Armstrong has quite learned his lesson.

In his first sit down interview since he talked with Oprah in 2013 about his doping scandal, Lance totally admitted that he'd probably cheat again if he were magically transported back to 1995, and given the chance to do it all over.

The cyclist had previously won seven Tour de France titles, only to have them all stripped from him after his doping offenses became public.

He is also banned from the world of professional cycling.

[ Related: Lance Draws Card About His Missing Ball Playing Cards Against Humanity ]

Here's what the once proud cyclist had to say on whether or not he'd cheat again to BBC Sport:

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Awkward! Lance Armstrong Draws The Card About His Missing Ball While Playing Cards Against Humanity!

Filed under: ZportzLance ArmstrongPhotos!TwitterCancerCycling

Lance Armstrong

So… this happened.

Disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong was sitting around playing Cards Against Humanity the other night when he drew a pretty coincidental card about himself!

We all know 2 things:

1. Lance’s scrotum has been single-occupancy since having to have a testicle removed following a cancer scare in the mid-90s.
2. Cards Against Humanity isn't the classiest game (and that's what makes it amazing).

Which is why him pulling out the card that said, “Lance Armstrong’s missing testicle,” is so HIGHlarious!

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Lance Armstrong’s Coach IS BANNED From All Sports For 10 Years!

Filed under: DrugsZportzLegal MattersLance ArmstrongCycling

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Looks like the whole gang is going down!

Lance Armstrong’s longtime cycling coach Johan Bruyneel has been banned from all sports for a decade for helping his players dope!

Even though the four-day hearing happened last December, the verdict wasn’t handed down until Tuesday, when they also gave the team trainer Jose "Pepe" Marti and doctor Pedro Celaya eight-year bans for the drugs.

As for Bruyneel, he knows his goose was cooked, and only added:

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Lance Armstrong Movies Update: Things Are Moving Fast!

Filed under: DrugsFilm FlickersLance Armstrong

lance armstrong movie development new three projects fast

Things are moving fast on all of the Lance Armstrong movies that are jumping to get made, but there's a newcomer that's moving so fast that we're pretty sure the director and Working Title are are doping! LOLz!

They're trying to shoot as soon as THIS FALL for the movie, which is in the early stages still! Director Stephen Frears (who made a pretty great Muhammad Ali movie) seems to be taking his surprise entry in a landscape of Lance movies very seriously!

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