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Ashley Cole Snubbed From Chezza's Autobiography!

Filed under: Love LineCheryl Cole

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Good! Out of sight, out of mind!

Cheryl Tweedy is set to release an autobiography this week, called Through My Eyes, and although the 253 page book goes into great detail regarding "the best times of [her] life," there is reportedly NO mention of her cheating douchebag of an ex-husband, Ashley Cole!

She instead choses to focus on her relationships with the "passionate to the core" will.i.am, and gay-faced Derek Hough, whom she describes as "the best" and "a sweetheart!"

Smart lady!

No looking back, just keep on moving forward!

[Image via WENN.]

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God Told Michael Lohan That Lindsanity Is Recovered!

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Will this douchebag ever getting tired of jerking himself off hearing the sound of his own voice??

Lindsay Lohan's stalker father, Michael, is apparently so pleased with his daughter's thirteen second appearance at the Video Music Awards that he's convinced that she is 100% healthy again!

He says:

"For a LONG time now I have been worrying and praying that the my 'blessed and gifted' daughter would find her way back. At times, I was too vocal, I made the wrong decisions and certainly handled things the wrong way. I constantly asked God that if it was His will to take me before her, which I stand by to this day. While some have made their pacts with the devil, I made mine with God, to take me first, or simply help Lindsay find her way back, and if so, He can do whatever He wants with me. Tonight, my prayers were met. On the MTV Music Awards, I saw, heard and know that Lindsay is back and I believe she will be better than ever."

Who does he think he is?

You didn't make a pact with God OR the Devil, moron! You made a pact with various media outlets to famewhore and exploit your child! It's a miracle she's even alive, after how badly you fucked her life up!

If you're proud of her, send her an effing fruit basket with a note!

[Image via WENN.]

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MISSING: John Mayer's Twitter!

Filed under: John MayerTwitter

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Absolutely devastating news!

We don't know how or why, but John Mayer's Twitter account has gone missing!

Perhaps he himself had an epiphany and is turning a new, tweet-less leaf! Or maybe Twitter decided he was a liability and shut that bitch down!

However, we think we all know what really happened: the account finally was overwhelmed by its own douchiness, and imploded in on itself, ceasing to exist forever!

Ha!

Good riddance, bb!

P.S. CLICK HERE to "follow" Perez, who is still on Twitter!

P.P.S. CLICK HERE to "like" Perez on Facebook!

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Sammi Sweetheart Is Full Of Shiz!

Filed under: Icky Icky PooLove LineReality TV

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When it comes to Jersey Shore, we expect explosive fights, grenades and landmines, RonRon juice, and spray tan…but one thing we DON'T anticipate is all of this bullshit!

Sammi "Doormat" Sweetheart has finally noticed what a fool she's making of herself by continuing to get back with her on/off boyfriend, the scumbag Ronnie - who has repeatedly been caught cheating on the reality star - so now she's trying to do damage control and justify her idiocy!

She says:

"I don't think I wanted to believe it. I feel embarrassed now. I feel like I just leeched on to the person who was hurting me. I think he is actually really trying to show me the good instead of the bad. That's what I hold on to all the time."

Oh no, no, bb!

You hold on because you're insecure and he manipulates you!

But like we said - if you can't accept that for what it is, then you're just as pathetic as he is!

MOVE ON, bb!

[Image via Pacific Coast News Online.]

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Michael Lohan Announces He's Going To Leave Lindsanity Alone!

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Pul-leease!

The day Michael Lohan stops his famewhoring and exploitation of daughter Lindsay is the day that the universe implodes in on itself!

The douchebag, who was recently served with a cease and desist letter from LiLo's lawyer Shawn Chapman Holley, for attempting to sell her old diary entries, is now claiming that he's going to leave his little meal ticket alone!

And, of course, a whole lot of denial and other worthless bullshit.

He says:

“Why would she [Holley] do that at a time like this when she knows it’s going to drive a further wedge between my daughter and I? Especially when she knows it’s not true. I can verify that I did not try to sell these things. They were sent to me from an unknown person from a fake address in Salt Lake City, Utah. There were 14 different entries and only two of them related to what I think Lindsay is going through now. Because Lindsay was in rehab, I thought it was an important issue and that’s actually why I did come forward and discuss them. If I blame anyone now it’s myself, because maybe I shouldn’t even have gone and tried to make a point of this in the public eye. But at the same time, you know what? It’s an important issue.

I’m not going to tell Lindsay what to do anymore. It’s not my business. One mistake I’ve made in the past is that if Lindsay chooses to be around certain friends, I’m not going to get between them. If she wants to go out until 12, one, or two in the morning, that’s her business. I have to put myself in that position because it’s created some problems for me in the past. It’s said in AA and life in general that if we’ve had trouble with different people in the past, or if certain places bring back bad memories or if things we’ve done have had negative effects, then we should do our best to avoid them. But if Lindsay is smart, she’ll handle herself and she’ll be fine."

We don't see what the big revelation is here!

Lindsay's never listened to a word he's said (nor should she!) regardless of whether he's speaking to the press or not about her!

Either way, there's no way he's keeping his mouth shut. We give it another 12 hours before he's talking to the press about her again.

Thoughts??

[Image via WENN.]

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