Home Videos Photos Shop
PerezHilton CocoPerez Khloé K. Star Wars Twitter T. Swift PerezTV

All tag results for douchebags

Go Away! Jack Tweed Tries To See Jade Goody's Children!

Filed under: Icky Icky PooAnglophiliaJade GoodyR.I.P.Love Line

jackjack__opt.jpg

Ugh!

We think he's done QUITE enough and should probably just go away! That man is a horrible influence on those two little boys!

Jade Goody's deadbeat ex-husband, Jack Tweed, is once again attempting to get press by publicly begging to see her sons with Jeff Brazier again!

He says:

"I know I'm not a good role model but please give me one last chance to tell them I love them. I promised Jade I'd stay in their lives and I know they haven't forgotten me. I'm not pretending to be a saint but I do love those boys. I don't think Jeff ever really wanted me in Bobby and Freddie's lives and I can't blame him for that, but I was with them at a really difficult time. I will never, ever forget them. I would give anything just to speak to them on the phone and tell them I love them. I don't want to be their dad because they've already got one. They used to call me their best mate and that's what I'd like to be, even if it's from a distance, just talking once a month on the telephone."

"Because of my behaviour in the past I knew everyone would assume I was guilty, even though I wasn't, and I knew I had let Jade down. I thought about hanging myself but I was too much of a coward. I'm not brave like Jade was. I have a lot of regrets but I am lucky that the truth finally came out and I was acquitted. Now I just want a chance to mend my ways and tell Jade's boys I'm not perfect but I will always love them."

We think this douchebag has a lot more growing up to do before he's around ANYONE, let alone children!

He's made quite the effing mess of his life at 23!

So gross.

Thoughts??

[Image via WENN.]

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Permalink / 6 comments

John Mayer Blogs About The Maniston!

wenn29048772jm__opt.jpg

Oh, here we go…

John Mayer, arguably the douchiest of all of the douchebags, is none to pleased with a recent article that ran about his alleged reconciliation with the MANiston, and feels strongly enough about it to write a self-indulgant rant on the matter!

Huffington Post FULL OF SHIT? (Yes!)

Ahh, Huffington Post, the internet Death Star. The world’s first spectator banking website. Come watch a site’s intelligence move in and out like bellows of accordion depending on whether or not there’s ad dollars to be sucked out of any willing orifice.

From their front page item “BACK TOGETHER?”:

Are John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston back on? Mayer seemed to indicate they might be when he spoke in front of a crowd of 18,000 at his concert on Sunday at the Hollywood Bowl in LA.

“I believe in second chances!” he said. “You might have been a pain in the ass the last time around, but you can still start over again from home base. Next time you get a text from the one you love just text back ‘come over’ - no matter what happened in the past. If you really love someone, just tell them and be with them.”

Huffington Post, this is reporting? How do you pay your writers now, in Silly Bandz? Do you meet your sources in a malt shoppe? This is equal parts fabricated, cobbled together and misleading. Let’s break it down: I don’t think I ever said “I believe in second chances!” but I can’t be 100 percent sure, as it’s possible I could have accidentally said something succinctly and to the point. The next sentence is from the song “Half of My Heart,” in reference to the idea that meeting new people allows for hiding old mistakes. (Well, for most people at least.) The sentence about texting comes from the show’s encore, “Edge of Desire,” in a moment of giving people permission not to beat themselves down for still wanting someone. Two sentences about different things at different points in a concert.

The reason I’m calling you out instead of all the other magazines that make stories up out of thin air is that In Touch and Star Magazine aren’t concurrently writing pieces about Pat Tillman or WikiLeaks. Those other rags know who they are, and even if they’re obnoxious, I’d rather have to live with them because they (and the rest of the world) know where they stand, which doesn’t make them one tenth as dangerous as you are. You’re a stripper wearing reading glasses. Or maybe you’re an insolvent law student willing to dance for a few extra dollars. Either way, it’s uncomfortable to watch you try to wrap yourself around a pole when you have that C-Span scar.

I’m not a politician. I have no celebrity endorsements. So it is with a clear conscience that I’m able to title your piece on this post, should you decide to try make a few more bucks for whatever body wash or slasher flick you’re hocking today.

JOHN MAYER SLAMS HUFFPO: ” GO F**K YOURSELF!”

Can't you just hear the horrific sounds of him jerking himself off as he gloats over what he's written?

GUH. Enough, dumbass!

Thoughts??

[Image via WENN.]

Tags: , , , , , ,

Permalink / 43 comments

Phew! Jon Gosselin NOT Writing A Parenting Book!

Filed under: Icky Icky PooThe Gosselins

wenn2891361__opt.jpg

Well thank goodness!

What, did he think people would actually take him seriously?

Despite reports stating otherwise, Jon Gosselin has denied via Twitter that he was planning to write a book on parenting called A Slice Of Life: Jon Gosselin's Story!

He reveals:

Just to clear the air, I am not writing a parenting book. I am not at liberty to discuss what my book is about yet.

Good to hear!

It's probably best that you stick to writing about what you know - like being a free loading, micro-peened stoner douchebag!

LOLs!

P.S. CLICK HERE to "follow" Perez on Twitter!

[Image via WENN.]

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Permalink / 6 comments

Levi Johnston Wants To Whore His Kid Out On His Reality Show!

wenn5526598jb.jpg

Can't say we're shocked by this - this douchebag has no boundaries!

Levi Johnston's reality show has hit a serious snag, because according to sources, he isn't interesting enough to carry the show by himself, so producers are trying to add another dimension with the inclusion of his son, Tripp.

The problem? Baby mama Bristol and her mother, former Vice Presidential candidate, Sexy Sarah Palin, refuse to give their consent!

A source reveals:

"Sarah can’t stand Levi and it’s gotten worse. She is absolutely opposed to it. Sarah hates Levi. She thinks his desperate grasp at fame is pathetic and doesn’t want him involving Bristol or Tripp in anything he does to try and get famous.”

Oh, puh-lease! As awful as he is, those two are probably just as willing to whore that poor baby out!

They just want to do it on their terms!

But for the three people who are interested in Levi's reality show, worry not! If Tripp isn't allowed, producers plan to give the Alaskan dumbass more goals beyond just running for mayor - they're thinking about having him run for city council, or - GASP - completing his high school education and getting his GED!

Ha! It's really just pathetic, isn't it?

How about they just leave him in the Alaskan tundra and film him while he tries to find his way back to civilization?!

We'd watch the entire series! LOLs!

Thoughts??

[Image via WENN.]

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Permalink / 12 comments

Lesbian Shiz With One Of The Shannon Twins! More On The Speidi Sex Tape!

Filed under: Gay Gay GayPlayboySpencer PrattHeidi MontagReality TVLGBT

hmksjb.jpg

Oh, this just keeps getting more horrific better and better.

New LEZLICIOUS details have emerged regarding the Spencer Pratt/Heidi Montag publicity stunt sex tape - that's right, there's apparently a tape of FrankenTittays getting in on some dykonic action with Playboy's very own Karissa Shannon!

Pratt claims that while he was moving out of the home he shared with Montag, he came across a video of the two ladies engaging in some sexual acts that expressed their mutual respect and admiration for each other, and that's when he realized he could make bank off of all the nasty shiz they did to each other's orifices on tape!

Karissa has admitted such a tape exists, but she's threatening so sue if it's released.

UGH. The minute someone threatens legal action, it ALWAYS surfaces. And then we have to watch it.

BARF.

We have a feeling this is only the tip of an especially douchey, pyschotic, famewhoring iceberg.

[Images via Pacific Coast News Online.]

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Permalink / 61 comments

We Hope This Isn't True!

ap090222029853__opt.jpg

UGH! We seriously hope this isn't true!

We may rag on her, but she is SO much better than this raging bag of DOUCHE!

The MANiston and John Mayer have reportedly reconciled AGAIN.

The dumbass singer reportedly has been attempting to win her back, and flew her out to meet him in NYC while he was there performing.

A source reveals:

“John invited Jen to come out and meet him while he was in Manhattan. He told her he really wanted to see her and even paid for a private jet to fly her from LA. They spent hours in his hotel suite at the Four Seasons, ordering room service and drinking wine. But Jen’s been hurt by him before and isn’t prepared to go public with the relationship just yet.”

So STOOPID. After all the shiz he pulled on her?

It's downright pathetic!

Let's hope this is just a nasty rumor, because gurl - his ass needs to STAY kicked to the curb.

Seriously, bb. You're better than him by a longshot. Find someone else!

[Image via AP Images.]

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Permalink / 70 comments

Snooki's Man Caught In A Strip Club With Porn Stars!

Filed under: Icky Icky PooLove LineSnookiReality TV

43577pcn_snooki02ajb.jpg

We knew this guy was a tool! WE KNEW IT!

Now that our most beloved Snooki Snickers has realized that her latest dumbass man Jeff Miranda is a disgusting famewhore using her for publicity, the two are apparently cooling down their beautiful romance.

But instead of the asshat attempting to win her back, he's running around strip clubs and doing nasty shiz with porn stars!

Sources claim they saw Miranda at the Sapphire Gentleman's Club in NYC, getting all sorts of nasty with porn star Savanna Samson and Penthouse Pet Anju McIntyre!

Insiders say:

“Miranda did little to resist and was seen canoodling with Samson after the show. It got ugly!”

BLECK.

And of course, since this moron can't keep his mouth shut to the press for two seconds, he says:

“Look, people are trying to hate. They're trying to ruin things [between us]. These accusations are false. All I want is to be happy. Nicole is a sweet girl. She considers everyone else first before she thinks of herself. I care about her a lot. Due to confidentiality, I can not talk anymore about my relationship with Nicole at this time. That may change but for now I can't make any further comments about Nicole or anyone else on the show.”

Yeah. SUUUURE. Until no one's interested in your stoopid ass - then it will be "what confidentiality?"

UGH. Stay AWAY from him, Snooks! This guy is vile!

Thoughts??

[Image via Pacific Coast News Online.]

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Permalink / 16 comments