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Q & A With Dr. J

Filed under: Exclusives!Love LineQ&AFamilyAdvice

Dr J

A FitPerez reader is having some issues with her boyfriend's mother (and possible future mother-in-law) so she wrote life coach Dr. J for advice, asking:

My boyfriend and I are getting pretty serious, and I think we'll eventually get married. The problem is that his mother and I really don't get along. She's nosy and is always criticizing me…what I wear, how I cook, you name it. My boyfriend doesn't see how annoying his mother is and I worry that if we get married he'll take her side. Do you think our relationship will survive?

According to Dr. J:

It's going to be considerably close, but I do believe true love can overcome the future mother-in-law, regardless of how monstrous she may be. Remember, keeping your relationships alive often comes down to survival of the smartest, not the nastiest. Before you and your beau take a stand at the alter, your real concern is discussing when will he take a serious stand for YOU after you clue him in on his mother's chaffing behavior. The faster he figures that out, the less offensive the mother-in-law will be.

You have to be very diligent and dissolve all doubt and worry when it comes to your groom-to-be's bothersome parent because like it or not, she's part of the package. Create a couples' checklist of what needs to change and the steps you will take, and then get it done before your date is set! Chronicle change before crisis creeps in. This topic is not to be treaded upon lightly. How you deal with this hurdle is a very important indicator of how you will both handle inevitable challenges in your relationship down the road. If YOU and your groom-to-be can trek on this terrain successfully it will ratchet up your relationship and hopefully forecast a fulfilling future together.

Married life comes with no guarantees, however a little more harmony in the home can feel like a homerun when life places YOU in a slump. That's why it's so important to work through this together and figure out where your future mother-in-law will fit into your new life. Love can conquer ALL, as long as you are willing to sincerely transform from a couple into a dynamic-duo! Please keep in mind that one day, You too will likely become a loving in-law, and hopefully not an out of touch one, so proceed with Love and Respect.

If you've got a question about how to handle something bothering you in life, shoot us an email or ask the doctor himself @AskDocJ on Twitter!

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Q & A With Dr. J

Filed under: Exclusives!Q&AAdvice

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A FitPerez reader has a messy roommate and wrote life coach Dr. J for some helpful advice on confronting her, asking:

"My roommate doesn't clean up herself and besides it being gross, I'm embarrassed to invite friends over. I've tried giving her hints about cleaning up but so far nothing has changed. I really can't afford to move and I don't want to confront her and then have an awkward living situation. Any ideas?"

According to Dr. J:

Absolutely! It's clearly time to "clean up" the situation if it's affecting your social life at the place you call home. A direct, honest conversation is in order. Now is the time to pump-up the backbone and ask your roommate to pick up after herself. The alternative is to continue to allow things to pile-up until the volcano erupts, which I'm sure is not the path you want to take.

You have already demonstrated your good will by keeping the Peace in your place, but your silence is sabotaging your success here. Honesty does not have to mean confrontation. The dialogue does not need to put her on the defensive. Rather it should demonstrate that you are looking to join forces as allies, not enemies, in your environment. Do your best not to ditch the diplomacy and focus on embarking on environmental excellence. Hopefully your roommate will be receptive to your requests.

If this doesn't get through to her, it's clear she's a lost cause. That's where Plan B comes into play. Start saving money now so that you can afford to move out as quickly as possible. She'll finally get the message once the movers come knocking on your door.

If you've got a question about how to handle something bothering you in life, shoot us an email or ask the doctor himself @AskDocJ on Twitter!

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Q & A With Dr. J

Filed under: Love LineQ&AAdvice

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Now here is a question about relationships that has always been in the back of our mind! A FitPerez reader wrote life coach Dr. J for advice on love and life, asking:

"Ok…Dr. J, how do I know if my girlfriend is "The One?"

According to Dr. J:

Do You want naughty? Do You want nice? Or Do You want REAL? Whatever it is you want, I have some REAL questions for You to think about, and if you're REAL with yourself about the answers, you'll know whether She is The One!

Does She make You feel like You elevate or just deflate? When your conversation goes into combat, does she fight fair? There are certain comments that feel ferocious but are fair and then there are others that are just low-blows, which can be deafening and deadly to your heart and the relationship! When push comes to shove on important issues, do You both rise above it all and compromise, or do you get dragged down into the mire of minutia?

Are your Faiths (religious, spiritual or otherwise) compatible to give you a common foundation during times of incompatibility? Does she boost-up your Bravery or belittle your Being? Do You run and tell your boys that she's the best in bed or are you protective of her and give her the respect and privacy true intimacy deserves. Can you be yourself when you're with her, or does she make you feel guilty and ashamed when you are uncensored and uninhibited? Do children play into the equation? If so, have You seen her roll up her sleeves and get down and dirty so you know she is up for the task of raising a family? When You do something wrong, will you be forgiven or incessantly reminded? Remember, in the long run, we ALL reap what we sow!

A successful committed relationship is a Marathon, not a sprint. If these questions resonate with you and you've figured out the list of the Pros and Cons, hopefully your list reflects a pleasant majority of Pros! If so, I have two more questions for You. Do you know her ring size and when are You calling the jeweler?

If you've got a question about how to handle something bothering you in life, shoot us an email or ask the doctor himself @AskDocJ on Twitter!

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Q & A With Dr. J

Filed under: Exclusives!Q&AAdvice

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Parties can be a blast if you're in the mood to have a good time, but they can be plain awkward if you're not!

A FitPerez reader who gets too nervous to socialize at public events wrote to Dr. J for advice, asking:

I get really nervous when I go to parties or places when I don’t know that many people and it’s hard for me to have fun. How can I change that?

According to Dr. J:

We ALL get butterflies. The trick is to not allow crowds nor strangers to paralyze your purpose. Don't put your personal power on a lay-away plan because you are intimidated by the unknown. It's time to crank-up the volume and design your Party Plan. With a goal in mind you will be able to take your mind off your nerves and focus on the People, the Place, the Party! Your game plan will be exactly that…a GAME!

Rules of engagement: Be the person You desire to attract. It's easier to make friends when You're friendly. Then, see how many names you can recall during the duration of the day or evening. When You pass someone that you met earlier as you make your way through the crowd, make a point of acknowledging them and calmly call out their name. Public acknowledgment of others will not only keep your mind off your nerves, but will turn acquaintances into safe harbors in a room otherwise full of strangers.

And finally, do your homework. Watch the news, read the paper, check the internet before you head to your event. Have something interesting to talk about ready to go in your back pocket so the conversations flow and you don't have to worry that you'll end up tongue-tied! Do these things and you will make a lasting impression. Change is not easy, so remain steadfast in your efforts and gradually you will see your thoughts about social outings switch from nervous to excited. You are unforgettable and you simply need to plug back in to your Personal Power to let everyone see that. These butterflies have wings…so get out there and Soar!

If you've got a question about how to handle something bothering you in life, shoot us an email or ask the doctor himself @AskDocJ on Twitter!

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Lil Wayne Watches The WNBA Final

Filed under: Lil WayneBasketball

Lil Wayne basketball

Lil Wayne showed his support for professional women's basketball team the Minnesota Lynx last Friday while watching Game 3 of the WNBA finals.

He sported a Lynx jersey at the championship as they took on the Atlanta Dream and it looks like the rapper either jumped on a bandwagon or knows how to pick his sports teams.

In a dominating sweep of the series, the Minnesota Lynx won the third game 73-67 to take home their first WNBA title!

Men's basketball legend Julius Erving (above), otherwise known as Dr. J, also showed his support for the WNBA and met Lil Wayne at half time.

We'd like to congratulate the ladies of the Minnesota Lynx for nabbing the first title in franchise history!

[Image via David Goldman/AP Images.]

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Q & A With Dr. J

Filed under: Exclusives!Love LineQ&AAdvice

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No one wants to be alone, but is beating loneliness worth being with a person who isn't right for us?

A FitPerez reader dating a controlling guy is being warned by friends that he may not be the right guy for her, so she wrote life coach Dr. J for advice, asking:

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Q & A With Dr. J

Filed under: Exclusives!Q&AFamily

Dr. J

We love our family and friends, but does that mean we have to be responsible for their financial irresponsibility?

A FitPerez reader wondering whether or not to issue a loan to a friend in need wrote to life coach Dr. J for advice, asking:

A friend asked if he could borrow some money. Someone told me never loan money to your friends or family, but I feel bad…what should I do?

According to Dr. J:

Playing Pickle as a kid was fun! BUT being in a pickle as an adult can sometimes lead to sleepless nights and uncensored, family-feud, heavy-weight fights. Giving your hard earned money to family or your "family of friends" can be a risk. When people borrow bread, it can go from a dinner roll to a whole loaf before you know it. The first helping hand somehow leads to an open invitation for some people. Are You up for it? If You do embark on a risk, ask yourself, is it calculated or casual? Bottom line, do You want the money back or not?

Some rules of thumb:

- If You Got It and Give It, it will be posted all over the planet! Everyone will somehow now know where to go for some free dough!

- If You Give It…Make 'em sign for It. Ask the bankers who lend money for a living! There are no free handouts! Give them terms before You give them trinkets! Hold them accountable to every cent and be forensic with your funds. Make up a payment plan and a back up plan. Sometimes if you go through measured steps, people are less likely to borrow because they don't want to hang themselves on all that red tape.

- If You Give Your Dinero, Be Willing to Get Back Zero! The reality is, even with the best intentions, the person who borrowed the money may not be able to pay you back. Will that make you resentful? Will your relationship withstand this test? Prepare to be aware of the consequences of your generosity.

Remember, money might befriend people but borrowing money can make friends and family run away!

If you've got a question about how to handle something bothering you in life, shoot us an email or ask the doctor himself @AskDocJ on Twitter!

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