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Dating At Work!

Filed under: Love LineQ&AAdvice

Dr J

Ever wonder if you should go for it with someone at work?

Think it'll get complicated??

This FitPerezcious Reader wants to know the same thing!

Here's their question:

There is a guy at work that I really like. We work in different departments but we have gotten to chat quite a bit at different meetings for the office over the last few months. He's super nice, smart and funny. Last week a group of us went out to happy hour and he walked me to my car afterwards and kissed me! I'm totally psyched except everyone always says don't date people you work with and I know what they mean because I dated a guy at my last job and it was really bad after we broke up. Should I give it a shot with this guy and hope it will be different or just pretend the kiss never happened?

Luckily, we have love advice expert Dr. J here to answer!

Here's his response:

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Pamper Your Momma! Mother's Day Ideas!

Filed under: Exclusives!FamilyTipsPerezcious Parenting

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Mother's Day is just around the corner…

Perezitos.com contributor Dr. J is back with some really thoughtful gift ideas for that special woman in your life: your momma!

Here's what he has to say:

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What To Do When You Don't Like Your Step-Family…

Filed under: Exclusives!FamilyTips

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Oh boy. Bringing in a new mom and siblings into a family is a very sensitive subject.

Luckily, Perezitos.com contributor Dr. J is here to help.

A Perezcious reader asked:

My mom and dad are divorced and my dad is getting remarried next month. I really don't like my new step-mother and my sister and I don't want to go to the wedding. My dad says he will be very hurt if we don't go but I can't change how I feel. Why can't he see that his new wife is going to change everything?

Dr. J says:

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Jealousy Between Friends — How To Cope!

Filed under: Exclusives!Advice

Dr J

Everyone is jealous of someone at some point.

The hardest times when this happens are when you're jealous of one of your friends. It happens.

How should you deal with it, though?

Here's the FitPerezcious question:

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Dealing With A Friend Who Is Dating Someone You Don't Like

Filed under: Exclusives!Love LineQ&AAdvice

Dr J

We've all been there. You know, that good friend of yours that is dating someone terrible and you just don't want to be around them.

It's a hard situation.

But what if that situation was your wedding… and you don't want your friend's significant other to be there?? How would you handle that??

Enter Dr. J, and a FitPerezcious Reader in that very situation.

The question:

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Moving On From Old Friends

Filed under: Exclusives!Q&AFitnessAdvice

Dr J

Sometimes people just grow apart, you know?

Friendships sometimes aren't what they used to be, and things become stale. Maybe people are changing, maybe you have changed. Either way, it might not be easy.

The Question:

I have a friend who I've known for years but lately I am making excuses to not hang out with her. We just don't have much in common anymore. She has kids and I don't and all she wants to talk about when we hang out are her kids or the good old days when we were younger and single. Is it time for us to move on or am I being selfish?

That's a very valid question, and we feel like the fact that you're taking the time to ask it means you still care. Let's hear what Dr. J has to say:

Nothing is wrong with being selfish until it awards you with alienation and awkwardness - are you prepared for that possible outcome? Clearly, your friend finds a sense of comfort and refreshment from seeing your face and sharing her past AND present with you, even though parts of her life have moved her in a direction from you. Ultimately, the measure of investment is up to You. If you don't feel like there is give and take in the friendship, maybe it is time to wish her the best and move forward without her. But remember, friendships ebb and flow and right now she may need you to be there as an outlet from her day-to-day, but it might be you who needs her advice or comfort sometime in the future. If you do see the benefit of keeping her in your life, perhaps it's time to take a new look at an old friendship. Does she possess maternal qualities that you can learn from and use one day? Are there other attributes about her that You admire? Try to remember why you became friends in the first place. Looking at the big picture may bring new life into your friendship. If you still aren't inspired but want to keep your friend in the starting line-up, maybe it's time You invite her to do something that you're interested in currently (perhaps something she doesn't know you like), or just make a point to bring up YOUR experiences and unfoldings when you get together. Maybe something you do or say will strike her fancy as well or maybe she just won't get it, but it may give you something new to talk about and help your friendship evolve. Or maybe she won't hear a word you're saying. I think making the effort will help you make your decision about the future of your friendship.

I believe there is value in every relationship, whether the benefit is received by ourselves or others. Maybe you can't see the value in this friendship any longer. Nothing is wrong with moving on to new friendships if you're ready for that, but if you do make that decision, treat your old friend with respect and kindness when you let her go. Sometimes it's nice to be able to dock in a safe and friendly harbor and sometimes a new port and adventure awaits us. Whatever you decide, Bon Voyage on your journey!

What great advice!

Good luck with your decision, reader!

If you've got a question about how to handle something bothering you in life, shoot us an email or ask the doctor himself @AskDocJ on Twitter!

P.S. CLICK HERE to "follow" Perez on Twitter!

P.P.S. CLICK HERE to "like" Perez on Facebook!

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Q & A With Dr. J

Filed under: Q&AAdvice

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A FitPerez reader is in a bit of a conundrum after learning a friend has been talking smack behind her back, so she wrote life coach Dr. J for advice, asking:

I found out a friend was gossiping about me behind my back. I asked her about it and she said I was over reacting. Now I feel like I can't trust her and I'm questioning our friendship. Should I just cut her out of my life or give her a second chance?

According to Dr. J:

Unfortunately, gossiping is not a crime. However, it sure can feel that way when someone steals away your trust. Borderline betrayal can beat up almost everyone and it hurts. I AM a firm believer that most people deserve a second chance, but perhaps this is a good time to reevaluate your relationships.

Loyalty is an integral part of true friendship and talking smack behind your back is just out of whack with Friendly expectations. You might have to distance yourself from her for awhile while you think about whether she's worthy of a second chance, or if she is not the only culprit in the crowd, you may need to cut yourself out of a clique that carries on with this kind of disempowering conversation. Hopefully, you are leading by example and your lips are sealed when it comes to gossip.

Next, I think you have to be a dialogue detective and investigate whether you really were overreacting. Take a step back and think objectively about how you came at your friend. Were you speaking from an emotional place or were you level-headed? Sometimes our emotions get the best of us and we don't realize we're on the attack. Take that information, whatever your emotive evaluation reveals, and be cool, calm, and collected when you make your decision on how to deal with the behind the back banter.

It's up to you whether it's one, two, or three strikes before she's out of your life. If and when you make that decision, there will be no doubt that this time YOU will be cool, calm and collected about your decision. When YOU have higher personal standards about your life and who YOU share it with, YOU will enjoy Life-Long Friendships Forever More!

If you've got a question about how to handle something bothering you in life, shoot us an email or ask the doctor himself @AskDocJ on Twitter!

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