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Lindsay Lohan On-The-Floor WASTED In Brazil?! See Pic HERE!

Filed under: Lindsay LohanOops!Party Poppin'Alcohol

lindsay lohan floor drunk brazil party

Lindsay Lohan does NOT have a drinking problem, you guys!

And even though the soon-to-be-confined starlet was spotted sprawled under a table at a Brazilian nightclub (above), we're sure it's just because she needed a little snooze from the strenuous work (sup with those bruises, girl?!).

PLUS, she had to SMILE and seem engaging for a whole 45 minutes while promoting the John John clothing line in Sao Paulo. Tiring stuff! LOLz!

Obviously,

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Drunk Bully Knocked The Eff Out At SXSW!! See the SHOCKING Vid HERE!

Filed under: SXSWAlcoholOuchie!

Pay attention, Perezcious readers! Here is all the proof you'll ever need that it doesn't pay to act douchey in public!

SXSW is a celebration of music, art, film, culture, and the the best things civilization has to offer!

Unfortunately, not everyone who made the trek to Austin brought their best judgement with them! And some people tend to act even more uncivilized when they've had way too much booze!

Ch-ch-check out this shocking footage of a drunken lout harassing bystanders (above) and then getting more than he bargained for when one onlooker knocks him out cold with a single punch!

Violence is never the answer, but we're honestly not sure what else could've been done to so quickly and effectively prevent this allegedly drunken bully from harassing and potentially harming other innocent people!

The subsequent beating of the knocked-out man was certainly uncalled for, though — thankfully policy quickly broke it all up!

Meanwhile, our One Night In… Austin adventures were totes non-violent and fantastically fab!

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Tara Reid Needs A Hand & Some Shoes For Post-Party Stumble

Filed under: Tara ReidSIGHtingParty Poppin'

tara reid shoeless leaving club

Oh gurl, might it be time to get it together?

Or at least it’s probably time to figure out you’re not so good at stumbling around drunk in high heels despite the practice.

Poor Tara Reid is probably nursing a serious hangover after partying it up at Emerson nightclub so hard she ended up losing her shoes!

Luckily, she had a friend nearby to clutch to as she made it out of there because we're pretty sure she otherwise would have been sprawled on her ass.

Let's just hope the street cleaners had been by that day…

…or else, helloooo infection!

Check her out earlier in the night before things took a turn for the worse (below)!

[Image via HEDO/AKM-GSI.]

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Dina Lohan Publicly Scolded After Her Drunken Auction Antics Piss Off World's Richest Man!

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Oh, Dina! You so cray!

Lindsay Lohan's headline-hugginy mummy allegedly acted the fool at an auction on the Upper East Side earlier this week!

According to one eye-witness angry bidder, Dina Lohan downed fermented grape juice and devoured cooked cow flesh like she was getting paid by the ounce!!

The onlooker revealed:

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Birds Like To Get Tipsy?!

Filed under: BirdsFunnyCrazzzzy

800px cedar waxwing courtship

We hope they are not drinking and flying!

We're not sure if you knew this, but there a wide variety of birds who occasionally like to get wasted!

The waxwings of North America have been known to get so drunk off rotting chokecherries that they would fall off their trees and could only respond to researchers by hissing.

Sounds a lot like your drunk uncle, no?

The bananaquit of Latin America also known as the "yellow bird" can chug alcohol of 4-6% proof and not only that but can hold its liquor very well. We have a feeling it would be very good at beer pong if it had, you know, hands and stuff.

But not only birds like to get their drink on.

Recently, a wood mouse somehow squeezed into a bottle of red wine, and afterwards was so drunk the mouse couldn't even get out!

Sounds like that mouse needs to head to AA asap!!!

[Image via Wikimedia Commons.]

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Ashlee Simpson's Boozing Is BAD! Pete Wentz Ready To Seek FULL CUSTODY Of Son!

pete ashlee custody

Remember when we said yesterday that it seemed as though Ashlee Simpson's booze-heavy behavior was starting to concern her former husband Pete Wentz and mother Tina?

Well, scratch that, because these two are BEYOND worried, folks!

The former Melrose Place star is reportedly drowning her sorrows SO heavily that the Fall Out Boy guitarist is prepared to do whatever it takes to ensure that their son together, Bronx Mowgli, is safe…even if it makes taking out a temporary full custody order against his ex!

As a source explains:

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Ashlee Simpson's Hard-PAArtying Has Ex-Husband Pete Wentz And Mother Tina VERY Worried!

Filed under: Baby BlabberSad SadHealthFamilyAlcoholAddiction

ashlee pete

YEESH!

It sounded bad to us, but if her loved ones are getting involved…

Then we think it's safe to say that Ashlee Simpson's boozing behavior is seriously OUT OF CONTROL!

As we've reported, the sometimes-actress, sometimes-singer has been dealing with a whole lot of familial and relationship drama in her personal life, and has been spotted numbing the stress and pain with cocktails upon cocktails and hard-pAArtying!

However, sources close her ex-husband and baby daddy Pete Wentz reveal that he's in fear her bad behavior is getting dangerously detrimental to their son Bronx's well-being, and has even enlisted the help of her mother, Tina, to stage an intervention!

Insiders explain:

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