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Lindsay Lohan's MYSTERY Boyfriend Reappears By Her Side In London Town!

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Okay, we're sorry, but WHAT?!

Lindsay Lohan can LITERALLY not even take an effing shit without it becoming a worldwide news story, yet she's somehow managed to keep a BOYFRIEND secret from the press?!

HUH?! We almost cannot process this!

But it appears to be true!

Way back in October, a male cheerleader named Josh Chunn claimed to be dating the hard-pAArtying starlet when she was having her ex-father Michael Lohan thrown off her property during that disastrous failed intervention attempt! Yet soon afterward, we stopped hearing about him entirely, because as we all know, Lindsay began stalking Max George and the rest of The Wanted during their east coast bus tour!

Well, apparently, this guy has been waiting patiently

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Lindsay Lohan Planning A 'Low-Key' Birthday

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When it comes to Lindsay Lohan and her crazy effing life, there are two things we always know to be certain: that the hard-pAArtying actress will somehow screw herself over and get into legal trouble faster than you can say Just My Luck, and that one of her parents will most certainly be blabbing to the press as fast as they can find a camera and a microphone in which to speak into!

And yesterday, in light of her being released from her 35-day house arrest sentence, that parent is Dina!

The mom of the millennium has revealed that her completely rehabilitated daughter is

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Has Christina Aguilera Hit Rock Bottom??

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With the way these stories are persisting, we have a serious feeling that something is very wrong.

Star Magazine is once again reporting that Christina Aguilera has hit rock bottom, and now claims that between her 'personal demons,' her failed marriage, weight gain, a string of flops, an enabling boy toy, and most recently, her arrest for public drunkenness, the singer is on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

A source explains:

“Christina’s lost her confidence since she split from Jordan. She gets terribly sad, and that’s when all the awful memories come flooding back and she ends up numbing herself with booze and food. Everyone is worried sick. She needs to get help before something even more serious happens."

What a poor thing.

It really is so sad.

Unfortunately, for any recovery to actually be effective, she herself has to recognize that she has a problem, and it doesn't sound as though she's ready yet.

Hopefully it will be soon, though. We don't want to see this situation escalate anymore.

Thoughts??

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PSH! Alexis Neiers' Mother Claims Drug Arrest Is A Misunderstanding!

Filed under: Icky Icky PooDrugsBusted!Reality TV

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Can't say we're particularly shocked by this. Just disgusting.

Yesterday, Pretty Wild star and criminal Alexis Neiers was busted once again, this time for being in posession of black tar heroin and a fraudulent license, and now her series co-star and mother, Andrea Arlington, is claiming that the entire mess is really just a misunderstanding!

She lies explains:

"She was not arrested or being charged with possession as far as I know. She did not check into her probation meeting last month and there was some confusion over her address because she had two addresses listed for the location where she was living. They tried to reach her, she did not respond. I am just disappointed because we don't need to go through this ridiculousness again."

Oh! Phew! Glad that's sorted out! LOLz!

Ugh, who do these effing people think that they're kidding?

We think this woman needs to worry less about how she and her family look in the press and focus on what is clearly a deeply troubled young woman!

Then again…we've seen her on the show. Those girls are probably best left alone - WITHOUT her influence!

Have fun in jail, Alexis!

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Patton Oswalt Does His Version Of "It Gets Better"

Filed under: Gay Gay GayInspiration

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This isn't an easy one to read, but it's definitely worth it!

Actor/comedian Patton Oswalt recently wrote his version of an "It Gets Better" message on his website, but instead addresses the people that we don't think get enough attention - the friends and enablers of bullying!

He writes:

I’ve been watching a lot of these “It Gets Better” videos online. I’m glad they exist. I’m glad people are making them. I’d bet, if you could do some sort of poll, you’d find out that saying, “It gets better…” to a younger version of yourself is something that a majority of people would opt to do. The bullied and the bullies.

I was both. Bullied, and then a bully.

So this is my version of an, “It Gets Better” video. Only I’m not addressing it to the bullied. And I’m not addressing it to the bullies, either. I’m addressing it to the bully’s little friends.

Dear Guy Who Hangs Out With the Bully and Eggs Him On –

Good move. Really. I know what you’re doing, and I know how it seems like the smart move for you. ‘Cause I did it, too.

When I was in the fifth grade, I started gaining weight, and by the end of that school year, I was a fat kid. I’d been skinny and oblivious up until then – free time meant running around outside, playing soccer, climbing trees. Summer meant swimming.

But then I got swept up in reading, and movies, and music and other sedentary activities. My mind felt like a blazing stock car engine most days, and I didn’t miss the running around so much. If I could curl up with a good book, or a drawing pad, or an old monster movie on TV, all the better. Pretzels and chips and Cokes had the carbs and sugar to feed my swelling, itching brain – especially when I was re-listening to Devo songs.

By the time middle school started, I had the Victim Kit firmly sewed on. Cystic acne, headgear and braces, man-tits and a stupid haircut. Sixth and seventh grade were no fucking fun for me. Summer camp was torture, swimming pools were humiliation ponds, sports were a whirling wall of razors I didn’t dare approach.

By the time eighth grade rolled around, I’d adjusted my strategy. Figure out who the biggest bullies and abusers were, use my nascent comedy skills to make ‘em laugh and hone their taunts, and become part of the asshole entourage.

It was a survival strategy. I had a hand in tormenting an awkward girl named Robin in my eighth grade personal hygiene class. Also a fat(ter), asthmatic kid with a stutter at YMCA camp whose name I can’t remember and countless, faceless others as I glided painlessly in the wake of a trio of bullies whose names I also can’t remember. I only knew they weren’t bullying me, and were actually glad to see me in the morning, ‘cause here comes a guy who knows seven crueler ways to call someone an asshole or shithead (beyond just “asshole” and “shithead”).

By junior year of high school the braces and headgear came off, I lost weight and my skin miraculously cleared up. I got a girlfriend who taught me how to cut my hair. And I carried around (and still carry) a poison vein of self-loathing.

In someone’s memory – in many people’s memories – I’m a snickering, sneering asswipe who hurt and insulted them while peering out from behind the muscular lats of a bigger, more frightening asswipe. There are times when I firmly believe I should have also ended up like a lot of the bullies – stupid, directionless, job-bound and destined for obscurity, anger and oblivion.

It doesn’t fix a fucking thing, for me, to try my best to take the underdog’s side now. Or to embrace the awkward and outcast. That dark slice of regret and disgust with a younger self will never be erased.

So I’m talking to a younger self here – the young Bully’s Little Buddy. I’m trying to tell you that yes, I know how scary middle school and high school and the world must seem, with this clear demarcation (and it seems to get bolder and uglier every day) between abused and abuser. And I understand exactly why you’d want to be on the side of the powerful, cruel and, by default, secure. It’s the reason why some poor people get angry about rich people having to pay more taxes. It’s why people join celebrities’ entourages. It’s why two oppressed, disenfranchised groups fight with each other, instead of the powerful entity that’s oppressing and disenfranchising them.

All of that is true. But it doesn’t change the fact that you have power if you choose to take it. You have power to go stand on the side of the bullied, to stand up to the bullies, to set an example. You can take a deep breath and look at the popular crowd – are they popular because they’re good, smart people? Or are they popular because people are afraid of being their targets? If the second example is the truth, then you can reject them. You can form your own circle, be your own person, and start thinking for yourself early.

I didn’t. And I won’t blame you if you don’t either. It’s so fucking hard. It does get better for the outcast and the bullied. But you, in the bully’s entourage, can help make it better by taking away part of the bully’s power.

You can take away you. And if you take the dare, and do it, you’ll be shocked to see how deep it diminishes the weight and scope and space a bully takes up in the world. And when you see that, and experience it, it’ll be your first – and unarguable – taste of how much weight and scope and space you have.

I’ll never know. I never did it.

Will you?

Sincerely,

Patton Oswalt

Wow. Such powerful words.

And brutally honest.

We commend him for his bravery - it's never easy to look back upon your own mistakes and try to rectify them.

But he's completely, 100% right, we ALL have to be vigilant of one another, and make sure that we're not sitting idly by, aware that our peers or friends are treating others with a lack of respect, and not doing anything about it!

It gets better, but we also have to help it get better!

Thoughts??

[Image via WENN.]

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Orange Oprah Continues To Exploit Lindsanity!

Filed under: Icky Icky PooTV NewsDina Lohan

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We knew she was just biding her time, waiting for the most financially feasible means to exploit her daughter!

Deplorable!

Disgusting enabler and famewhore Dina Lohan will be making an appearance on the Today Show tomorrow morning to give an exclusive interview to Matt Lauer about her daughter Lindsanity's time in jail and current stint in rehab!

We're sure it will be all the same - whining and bitching about unfair treatment and delusional claims that Lindsay is just fine!

Maybe this, with her treatment, will prove to Lindsay just how toxic her family - who are intrinsically supposed to love her - are in her life!

[Image via WENN.]

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Orange Oprah Is Caught Lying!

Filed under: Lindsay LohanDina Lohan

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The enabler has been caught in a lie!

Dina Lohan blamed a spilled drink for setting off her daughter Lindsay Lohan's SCRAM bracelet, but turns out that's impossible!

A spokesperson for SCRAM explains:

“The bracelet could get an alert for alcohol spilling on the bracelet. However, SCRAM can easily tell the difference between exposure to alcohol around the bracelet and actual consumed alcohol that metabolizes through the skin.

“A spill or something else in the environment with alcohol (hairspray, lotions) would create a rapid spike much faster than the body would ever consume alcohol and would evaporate and burn off much faster than the body can metabolize alcohol.”

“Our confirmation process includes an evaluation that ensures there is no chance that an alcohol alert is anything but consumed alcohol. We’ve tested hundreds of products over the years to ensure that nothing can mimic the results of consumed alcohol—including this scenario.

Let's see what kind of "proof" the LOLhans come up with now — you know they'll never stop trying to beat the system!

Stoopid!

[Image via WENN.]

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