Let's see if we remember how this one goes…
Once upon a time, there was a bratty, blonde-haired girl who broke into a family of bear's house. She ate their food, broke their furniture, slept in their beds and then had the audacity to flee when the bears got home and were like, "What the what?"
In the real world, we call that breaking and entering and stealing - and in London, the police are on the hunt for a criminal they've dubbed "Goldilocks" who's pulling the exact same shenanigans as in the classic children's tale.
Apparently, the fiend has broken into a house in Wickford, England TWICE over the last several months, both times enjoying the comforts of the home owner's bed and refrigerator. The police know the burgaler to be Jesse Dobinson, who unlike the fairytale character, is also wanted in connection with an assault and a knifepoint robbery. They have no leads in finding him and are imploring all the
bears residents in the area to come forward if they have any new information.
By the look of him, we think you might just get your chance at him again. Here's an idea: lay out three bowls of porridge for the dude, slip him an Ambien in the one that tastes "just right" and when he goes down for his post-robbery snooze, you nab him! The End!
What? No good?! Lolz!