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Maury Povich Offers His Services To Michael Lohan!

Filed under: Baby BlabberMichael Lohan

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There is only one place in the world where a paternity case can be settled:

The Maury Show!

Cue Michael Lohan, who is reportedly in talks with the show's producers to clear up the recent scandalous allegations that he fathered an illegitimate daughter 15 years ago!

Michael wants to drag alleged baby momma Kristi Kaufmann on the show and take Maury's famous paternity test to prove he never sperminated this woman. Papa Lohan insists that any evidence that this woman has, including the child's birth certificate to bearing Michael's name, is completely fabricated.

Just when you thought he couldn't stoop any lower!

[Image via WENN.]

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It's Official! Michael Lohan Has Lost His Mind!

Filed under: Lindsay LohanMichael LohanSad Sad

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We don't know how the girl can make it any clearer. When will Michael Lohan understand that Lindsay doesn't want anything to do with him!

No, seriously, he doesn't care that she has sent him a cease and desist letter. He doesn't care that every time his name is mentioned to her, she spits out acid venom. He's decided that he is sticking this act of alleged parental concern out for as long as the media keeps reporting on it. And now, he's bringing the good times even closer to Lindsay's life.

We reported earlier this week that Michael intends to get a place in El Lay to be closer to his mealticket daughter. Well, he found a place - only 11 miles from where LiLo is currently residing!

Cue the restraining order!

Ugh! This is just so pathetic! He's just never going to learn!

[Image via WENN.]

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Ugh! Once Again, Michael Lohan Has Something To Say!

Filed under: Lindsay LohanMichael Lohan

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When Lindsay Lohan stepped out into the hot El Lay summer sun yesterday upon leaving UCLA Medical Center, we imagine she felt a brief moment of blissful freedom. In that moment, all her problems were forgotten and all of her mistakes forgiven.

But her happiness is to be short-lived, as her father continues to infest the world with his rampant verbal vomit. And of course, all he can talk about is his "concern" for his famously distraught daughter.

Upon her release from rehab yesterday, Michael Lohan started making the rounds to his friends the press to share his relief that she has gotten help. Michael told sources:

"God bless her. Lindsay has been through a lot and I give her a lot of credit…Hopefully, Dina will do the right thing and finally get on the same page as me, because if we were most of this wouldn't have happened in the first place."

That same page he is talking about is family therapy, something that Michael has been pushing for awhile. We assume it's because VH1 wants to air it as a mini-series.

Michael blabs on that Dina has "failed miserably" with their daughter but that "we have both caused this situation with our daughter and we need to fix it together as parents."

Well, you're half right on that one, Mikey. You both did fail miserably as parents, more so than any other famous parents in recent memory. However, by no means should either of you be put in a position to "fix" Lindsay.

She needs to be surrounded by people who couldn't give a shiz less if she is famous or not, who cares only about Lindsay and nothing else. Judging by how you and Dina like to fame-whore yourselves out at every turn, you don't fit the criteria.

Let's just hope Lindsay sticks to her guns and never speaks to this douche again. (We sure wish we didn't have to hear from him too!)

[Image via WENN.]

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Snooki's New Man Already Talking To The Press!

Filed under: Love LineSnooki

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Oh no, no, NO!

We've only known about this guy for a few hours and already he is "opening up" to the media!

Dump this guy, Snooki! We don't trust him!

Though he claims to not care about the "cameras," our fave Jersey Shore gal's new BF Jeff Miranda has already started doing interviews about his relationship with the pint-sized guidette.

Jeff tells sources that he has been having a "great time" getting to know Snooki Snickers that no matter what happens on the show, he just wants them to be happy together.

Course, it also wouldn't hurt if he got into acting. Oh, did we forget to mention that this guy is an aspiring actor?! He told sources that he is very interested in "doing movies" and that he is "good at acting."

Good enough to make us believe that you actually care for Snooki and not the limelight??? NO!!!

Lose him, girl! We see only heartache coming from this creep!

[Image via Pacific Coast News Online.]

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