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Opera Singer Sues Federal Government After Botched Surgery Makes Her Unable To Perform Without Farting!

Filed under: Wacky, Tacky & True

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This would stink to have to go through this! Alas, this is a tale as old as time!

A Nashville Opera Company singer, Amy Herbst, is suing Uncle Sam claiming that an operation performed during childbirth that went awry has caused her excessive farting, incontinence, and put her career in jeopardy!

She can't perform without farting! She doesn't have to worry about breaking glass, she has to worry about breaking wind!

Allegedly, a nurse-midwife at Blanchfield Army Community Hospital at Fort Campbell, Kentucky performed an episiotomy to enlarge the birth opening without Amy's permission, and ended up causing an injury!

Amy's lawyer dished on how her excessive gas and incontinence has affected her work:

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Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Explaining The Rules Of Doorknob!

Honey Boo Boo is in it to win it!

Especially when it comes to her favorite game - Doorknob!

The game isn't exactly new, it was definitely around back in the day, but was called Safety!

The premise is that if someone farts, and another person shouts out Doorknob - that person can pummel the farting culprit until the farter can touch a doorknob!

And Honey Boo Boo is always looking for any farters she can get her hands on!

Check out the whole list of rules and fun by clicking PLAY on the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo clip (above) !!!

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British Cop Cracks Cannabis Case By Cutting The Cheese! Get Stinky Deets HERE!

Filed under: AnglophiliaDrugsLegal Matters

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Well, this is a toot!

A British policeman who rudely subjected his partners to constant waves of gawd-awful butt-gas might actually wind up getting a commendation for his fine display of flatulence!!!

The Leicester cop, who experienced digestive issues after eating a slew of weight-gaining supplements, accidentally broke open a huge drug case by breaking wind in front of all his collegaues!

The farting in his police car was so consistently stinky that his partners were forced to roll down their windows to, literally, clear the air.

That's when they sniffed out a scent much, much sweeter than the wanna-be muscle man's gassy glory!!

It. Was. WEED!

The official report stated:

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Are Dinosaur Farts The Cause Of Global Warming?

Filed under: Icky Icky PooScience!Dinosaur

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Not quite…but these dino farts are deadly!!

Sauropods, or large plant eating dinosaurs like the Brachiosaurus and the Brontosaurus (now called Apatosaurus), are now the latest excuse explanation of climate change.

Researchers speculate that these dinos could produce 520 MILLION tons of methane.

With all that methane, the core temperature of prehistoric Earth could have been ridick!

As a reference, that's close to all methane produced from natural AND man-made sources.

Grodie!!!

The researchers, from Liverpool John Moores University, warn that their estimates are based on many assumptions.

Still, can you imagine standing behind…or within a football field…of that flatulence?

DEATH! LOLz!

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Whoopi Does Her Name Proud! Farts On Barbara Walters On The View!

And this is why she's pretty much the best person alive!

This morning on The View, Dr. Oz was discussing the benefits of fiber in one's diet, and explained that one of its side effects is gas, which apparently prompted co-host Whoopi Goldberg to proudly admit that she'd be letting them rip all morning!

And she didn't stop there!

Check out the HIGHlarity of the clip (above)!

Ohh boy!

We couldn't hear anything, but from the way Barbara and the other women responded, we imagine the smell of that last one was a force to be reckoned with!

We're obsessed! LOLz!

Here's hoping that this will become a regular occurrence from Miz Goldberg on the show - she can just unleash every time Elisabeth says something that she doesn't like!

Ha!

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No More Farting Around In Malawi!

Filed under: Silly!Politik

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No, seriously, the country is making it a crime!

According to reports, the Malawi government is set to vote upon a new "Local Court" system that will have to power to punish a range of "crimes," including insulting the modesty of a woman, challenging to fight a duel, trespassing on a burial place and yes, even passing gas. (Or to use their lingo "fouling the air.")

If this sounds pretty ridiculous to you, you're definitely not alone. Many citizens feel the country has bigger fish to fry than holding people accountable for living by the phrase "better out than in." One such citizen told sources:

"We have serious issues affecting Malawians today. I do not know how fouling the air should take priority over regulating Chinese investments which do not employ locals, serious graft amongst legislators, especially those in the ruling party, and many more."

Agreed! And can we also ask a very important question: WHY?!

If it's a decency issue, may we remind you that sometimes the forces of nature just take over and you just can't control it!

C'mon! Just let people let 'em rip!

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Man Stabs 4, Kills 1 Because Of Farting!

Filed under: Icky Icky PooBusted!Sad Sad

man stabbed people because of farting

This is so awful, we can barely believe it!

According to police, 21-year-old Marc Higgins of Bristol, CT stabbed four people at a party on Saturday night, killing one of them, because people made fun of him for farting.

Witnesses say that Marc drunkenly left the party, returned with three knives, and stabbed people "indiscriminately."

21-year-old Matthew Walton died of the stab wounds.

What makes this whole thing even MORE upsetting is that Higgins' victims were not specifically targeted. He claims they were "simply the first people he saw when he returned to the party."

Such a tragedy! Our thoughts go out to Matthew Walton's friends and family.

As far as Higgins is concerned, we truly hope that justice is served.

Killing someone over flatulence? Absolutely sickening.

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