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MORE Douchey Deets On The Speidi Sex Tape!

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We don't know what's more sad and twisted - the fact that this is all going down or the fact that it's probably staged.

The publicity stunt to end all publicity stunts erupted on Friday when Spencer Pratt announced that he was shopping around a sex tape featuring the Real Heidi Doll (apparently footage includes pre and post surgery), and now that the douchebag has the world's attention, he's - shocker - relentlessly talking to the press about every detail!

Spencer claims that he's wanted to do porn since one of his many forays into failure, Princes of Malibu, ended in 2005, and has reportedly captured what he claims is an "entire website's" worth of footage that he's pitching to Vivid head Steven Hirsch for $5 million!

HOLY SHIZ!

He explains:

"When I realized how much Kim [Kardashian] was making, my logic is this is the best thing I can do for my ex-wife. Kim is on the cover of Allure right now. Heidi isn’t on the cover of Allure."

And he's even forced FrankenTittays into an ultimatum! After she met him at a Costa Rican hotel last Sunday under the impression that he was handing over her dogs, the psychotic famewhore allegedly told her that if she didn't ditch the divorce papers and do another reality show about their relationship, he would release these tapes!

He claims that Heidi is "freaking out because she doesn't want to do reality TV anymore" but "you cannot turn off the Speidi machine."

UGH. No, that's possibly the truest thing you've ever said, bb!

And believe us, we've TRIED!

All of this horse shit is so unbelievably staged that it makes us want to VOM at this point.

What do U think?? Would U lose your lunch if the Speidi sex tape saw the light of day??

[Image via WENN.]

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Pre-FrankenTittay Will Appear In Speidi Sex Tape!

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Remember when Heidi Montag kind of looked like a normal person with normal boobs and actual facial expressions??

Yeah, well, good news flat-chested-Heidi fans! Her sex tape with Spencer Pratt includes footage of her pre and post-op!

Ah, yes, we're sure we just made all your dreams come true now that you know there's a little variety coming your way.

We can't WAIT for this disastuh to be released!

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Watch Out World, Spencer Pratt Brings You The Speidi Sex Tape!

Filed under: Love LineSpencer PrattHeidi Montag

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You knew it existed. You knew there would come a time when the Speidi craze was on such a steep decline that these fame-whores would scramble through their bag-o-desperate-tricks to whip this gem out for attention.

The time has come. Come along for the ride or take a heavy dose of Ambien to sleep through it.

On the heels of announcing that he has a tell-all book he wants to publish, sources are confirming that Spencer Pratt is also hocking a sex tape featuring none other than himself and soon-to-be ex-wife, Heidi Montag.

Vivid Entertainment boss Steven Hirsch tells sources: "I just got off the phone with Spencer Pratt about a sex tape with Heidi Montag…We are in early negotiations to possibly come to terms for a deal."

A source close to Spencer says that the alleged tape "makes Kim Kardashian look like an amateur."

No word yet if this alleged sex tape features Heidi with or without her frankentittays. We give Heidi all but an hour before she "retaliates."

And by that we mean act like she didn't help him edit the damn thing for circulation!

[Image via WENN.]

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King Spencer To Plague The Literary World With Tell-All Book About, What Else, Franken-Heidi!

Filed under: Spencer PrattHeidi Montag

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You thought we were rid of him…you were sooo wrong!

Make room next to your copy of How to be Famous:Our Guide to Looking the Part, Playing the Press and Becoming a Tabloid Fixture because Spencer Pratt is writing a book, this time riding solo.

Spencer has announced that his tell-all memoir will focus on his years on The Hills and, SURPRISE, his relationship with Heidi Montag. He explains:

"My last book, How to be Famous, didn't make the New York Times best-seller list because it was in the self-help section.
This one is going to be totally different. I'm not holding anything back."

Oh lord, he's been holding back. We're afraid!

Could you not, Spencer? Seriously, we don't think we can handle a condensed version of your crazy!

[Image via WENN.]

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Franken-Heidi Threatening To Sue Spencer Over Tell-All Book!

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Anyone else think it's a little convenient that Heidi Montag is taking such quick action against Spencer Pratt and his new literary venture?

Yeah, us too. Say it with us now: STAGED!!!

Shortly after King Spencer announced he was writing a new book detailing the intimate and pathetic passionate moments he shared with his Hills co-star and soon to be ex-wife, Heidi announced she was taking legal action against him to stop the book from being published!

Franken Heidi would only tell sources that, "This is exactly why I left him … Right now I'm looking into my legal options."

LAME!!!!

You know what, we don't even think you two are even broken up! We venture to say that this is all some ridiculous, HIGHlarious and terribly pitiful attempt for more media attention. This whole breakup and feud is as fake as the tits on Heidi's chest.

We're not buying it!!! What else you got???

[Image via WENN.]

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Franken-Heidi Starts A Rumor That John Mayer Wants To Date Her

Filed under: John MayerHeidi Montag

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So a "friend" of Heidi Montag is telling people that John Mayer is trying to court her giant tittays.

And when we say friend, we assume that it's actually Heidi telling sources this for more attention! Because let's get real for a second - the man has had Sexual Napalm and Jennifer Aniston. Sure, he's a scuzz ball, but his peen has become accustomed to a certain amount of class!

However, according to this alleged "friend," John has been constantly "flirting" and asking Heidi out. Her reply:

"She's flattered, but not yet convinced. He's very good-looking and charming, but his reputation is a bit of a turn-off."

Ha! His reputation? What about your reputation?!

Boy, if ever there was a time for John to take to his Twitter, now would be it! Could you please put this rumor to bed, Johnny?!

[Image via WENN.]

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Heidi Responds To News Of Her Plastic Surgeon's Death.

Filed under: R.I.P.KnifestylesHeidi MontagSad SadTwitter

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We may not agree with all the work he did on her, but there's no doubt that he was a very important person in her life!

The shocking news of Dr. Frank Ryan's death has reached Heidi Montag, who notoriously went under the knife of the celebrity plastic surgeon for ten procedures at once, and the reality star is understandably grief-stricken!

She just tweeted the following message:

I am devastated to hear the news of Dr. Frank Ryan's death. He was the most amazing person I have ever known. He was an angel and changed my life and the lives of everyone he met. He was the most brilliant talented surgeon who will ever exist. Dr. Frank Ryan changed the world. My thoughts and prayers go out to his mother, family, friends, and anyone who was ever blessed enough to meet him. He is in a better place.

What a poignant note. So sad.

Our thoughts are with Heidi and all of Ryan's loved ones during this difficult, tragic time.

[Image via WENN.]

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