They can take our lives, but they'll never take our orrrrrgaasssssssmmms!
We have great news for chronic masturbators who are also furloughed federal employees!!! The government may be closed for business, but your vagina needn't be!
The good samaritans at Vibrators.com refuse to let the Congressional shutdown shut down the libidos of our favorite non-essential government workers!!!
They understand getting off on all this unpaid time off might be stressful because, really, it's hard to rationalize stocking up on batteries and shiny new dildos on a fixed income with no end in sight. So they're giving away 200 FREE vibrators every single day in an effort to provide these poor, jobless souls with at least a momentary distraction!!
Their site reads: