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Lily Allen Blows Off Fundraiser Performance To Get Drunk Elsewhere!

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Oh, Lily Allen!!

Just when we think you can't sink any lower, you DO!!

The British trainwreck was set to perform at the ICA Annual Fundraising Gala Wednesday night in Londontown when she pulled out at the last minute, claiming she had come down with tonsillitis! However, Allen was allegedly spotted only HOURS later knocking drinks back and pAArtying away at the club The Social!!

Nothing soothes the throat like eight to ten shots of tequila, right??

Absolutely despicable.

Way to honor your commitments, you hack!!

[Image via WENN.]

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Bethenny Forces Wedding Guests To Sign A Contract!

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Ugh! Oh PLEASE! You're not that famous, you hack!

Obnoxious famewhore Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel is so apparently so concerned about her wedding photos that she doesn't approve leaking to the press that she's having her guests sign a confidentiality agreement banning them from taking pics during the ceremony!!

WTF??

God forbid your baby belly is snapped at the wrong angle, right, bb??

Sorry to burst your bubble, but we doubt anyone's that interested!!

[Image via WENN.]

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Jennifer Love Desperate Being Especially Desperate!!

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Eww!

WTF??

Either she'll say almost ANYTHING to get press or she's even NASTIER than we thought!

Jennifer Love Desperate is running rampant this week whoring out promoting her new book, The Day I Shot Cupid, anywhere she can, and seeing as she is the queen of TMI, wants to let the world know about some of her weird-ass turn-ons.

The HACKtress claims:

"I love office supplies. I love being organized. It's the folders and the tech … [Staples] is a place to take me if you want me to get hot and bothered."

The last thing we want to get you is 'hot and bothered,' you freak!

Can you imagine how DESPERATE girlfriend must be when she's in heat?

All of those poor trapper keepers!!

That being said, we're going to call 'pathetic plea for attention' on this one. Everyone knows her one true love is Taco Bell!!

Bwa ha ha.

[Image via WENN.]

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The Simpleton Talks More About Her Desperation

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All right, Sexual Napalm, ENOUGH!

If you keep ranting on and on about wanting a relationship, all the good men are going to go running for the hills!

Jessica Simpson is STOOPIDLY wasting all of the press John Mayer got her with his asinine comments by sounding like a hack desperate for a man in her life!

Girlfriend said:

"I want a confident man. A man who understands me and can deal with my life and is not embarrassed of my life. And can support my life. And allow me to be a powerful woman. And allow me to be powerful in the relationship. I'm not going to give up my role in this life to just be a housewife. What is attractive to me about a man is a man’s spirituality. Just the way that he carries himself. I kind of like a rough man a little bit. A man's man."

UGH, JUST STOP.

It's seriously almost TOO sad.

At this point, Simpleton, you need to just settle for what you can get, or you'll end up even worse off than MANiston or Jennifer Love Hewitt!

Goodness, Mayer just sniffed you three peas in a pod right out, didn't he?

[Image via WENN.]

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