Psh. It's not called a relapse anymore when you're doing it every day!
"Unfortunately, I did have a brief relapse, but part of recovery is relapse. I am a recovering alcoholic. I knew as soon as I went into rehab, my reputation would be ruined. Things used to be different back then. If you asked for help you lost your good standing. Back then all the celebrities smoked and drank. Just think of Richard Burton or Humphrey Bogart. No one questioned them. Consumption used to be acceptable."
Sorry, Hoff, Humphrey Bogart and Richard Burton are the last people that come to mind when we think of you! And we doubt being an incomprehensible drunk was EVER acceptable, it may just have been more hush-hush!
In other, more interesting has-been news, the former Baywatch-er apparrently plans to move to an area of Germany that should be more prone to welcoming him than we would - an agricultural farm close to Kassel that's named HASSELHOF!
That's right, The Hoff is trying to learn about his ancestry, and had the brilliant notion that it may have started there!
A local man, Hermann-Josef Kaiser, says:
"If he wants to do some research here, he's absolutely welcome. I can provide him with a flat so he can do his research in peace and quiet. We would let him a hectare of land."
How crazy and AMAZEBALLS would it be if the Hoff left all of the glitz and
booze glam of Hollywood behind to become a full-time farmer in Germany??
LOLZ! Do it!!
[Image via WENN.]