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The Dark Tower Is Getting Toppled By Critics! See The Vicious Review Roundup!

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We didn't expect The Dark Tower to be Shakespeare (or even Captain America), but one of the worst reviewed movies of the year??

Yep, as of this writing the movie sits at a sad 16% on Rotten Tomatoes, something that probably shouldn't be too much of a surprise given reviews were embargoed until the day it came out.

But even the kind reviews are so half-hearted, it sounds like the Stephen King adaptation is a movie for NO ONE.

Related: The Emoji Movie Is An Appalling Pile Of 💩!

The saddest part is, the books have been coming out for decades, and an adaptation has been in some form of development for about 15 years. And after all that time… eesh.

Too bad for Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughey, too. Because they sure are doing their part being adorable to sell it!

Ch-ch-check out the TERRIBLE responses in our review roundup (below):

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No One Wants To Know About Idris Elba's Dick!?!

We're not sure about this Dark Tower movie, but we sure as heck would pay to see a buddy comedy starring these two!

On Wednesday, Matthew McConaughey and Idris Elba took part in Wired's Auto-Complete interview, in which stars answer whatever people always ask about them on Google, and they were just so cute together!

Video: Idris Sings Google Translated Sir Mix-A-Lot And Boyz II Men

They got honest about sports, dating, Woody Harrelson, and Matthew even explained exactly how he came up with his catchphrase "alright alright alright."

All that was great, really. But you're telling us one of the most searched questions about Idris wasn't about that peen pic?? Come on!

We're guessing this is some censorship shenanigans on Google's part, but whatevs.

Ch-ch-check out the still-pretty-great-without-cock-talk video (above)!

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Idris Elba Can Sing! (Unfortunately, It's Google Translated Lyrics Though…)

Need proof Idris Elba can do anything? Sit back and watch as he makes complete nonsense look sexy as hell!

The Dark Tower star visited The Tonight Show on Monday night where he and Jimmy Fallon took turns singing Google translated versions of classic songs from Sir Mix-A-Lot, Britney Spears, and Boyz II Men.

Video: Idris & Matthew McConaughey Face Off In Trailer For The Dark Tower

Jimmy was fine, but Idris brought that shit to another level!

Let's just say that man could "place kindness" on us "to our liking yes" any time! Ha!

Ch-ch-check out the funny (but all joking aside, still pretty hot) performance (above)!

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Idris Elba & Matthew McConaughey Face Off In First Trailer For The Dark Tower — And Stephen King Fans Are Divided!

The Dark Tower wasn't shot with a camera, it was shot with heart.

Still, fans of the Stephen King dark fantasy series were teetering between delight and disappointment after the first epic trailer dropped on Wednesday!

The gritty trailer features Idris Elba as trigger-happy vigilante The Gunslinger and Matthew McConaughey as the sinister Man in Black.

Related: Idris SLAMS Rumors He's Hooking Up With Madonna

King already revealed the film would deviate from the plot of the first 1982 book and mostly take place in the modern world, but assured fans would still "get behind it, because it is the story."

Welp, the novelist wasn't totally right about that — some fans were not feeling alterations like eye color (gasp!), cinematic grittiness (the horror!), and the Man in Black's sudden southern twang (Leave McConaughey alone!).

What are YOUR thoughts, Perezious Readers? Check the trailer (above) and see what the Twitics had to say (below)!

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Serena Williams Tells Ellen DeGeneres Who She Would Bang — But Not Who She's Banging! Watch The Coy Game Of Who'd You Rather!

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Well, that's a surprise!

Even though Serena Williams is one of the greatest athletes in the world, all we really want to know is who she's hooking up with! Thankfully we've got Ellen DeGeneres on our side!

The tennis star stopped by Ellen on Friday to chat it up, and like us the comedienne wanted all the deets on who Serena was crushing on — so they played Who'd You Rather?

Related: Scottie Pippen Accused Of Affair With A Sports Illustrated Model!

During the game, several HOTT celebs popped up including Zac Efron, Justin Bieber, Idris Elba, and Michael B. Jordan — but you might be shocked who the 35-year-old picked! And no, unfortunately Common wasn't an option, so we didn't get any confirmation on a reconciliation. Whomp!

Aside from DeGeneres' classic game, Serena also sat down with the Finding Dory star to talk about her life from appearing in Beyoncé's Lemonade to her EPIC tennis wins!

Ch-ch-check out which celeb Serena's OBSESSED with as chat with Ellen about tennis, Bey, and dancing (below)!

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I Would F*ck Madonna!

Seriously! Here's why!

Listen to much more from The PHP: Perez Hilton Podcast on Spotify, iTunes, or directly at Play.it/Perez!

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The Hottest Stories Right Now!

Filed under: News
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Hilary Duff Apologizes For Offensive Halloween Costume: 'It Was Not Properly Thought Through'
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EXCLUSIVE! Sexism, Homophobia, Bigotry — We Unearthed Old Tapes Of The Apprentice And Found More Of The Real Donald Trump!
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Kylie Jenner Channels Christina Aguilera At Bootsy Bellows' Halloween Party As Tyga Dresses In The Most Unimaginative Costume Possible!
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Blac Chyna Shows Off Her Baby Bump — And Uses Her Son To Take A Shot At Tyga — In An Impromptu Juju On That Beat Video! Watch!
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Calvin Harris' My Way Music Video Had More Taylor Swift Shade Than You Probably Realized!
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Black Donald Trump Supporter Kicked Out Of Campaign Rally After Candidate Mistakes Him For A Protester! Watch It Happen On Video HERE!
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Abigail Ratchford Enjoys A Clothing-Free Halloween!
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Mariah Carey & James Packer 'Definitely Won't Be Getting Back Together' As Their Split Continues To Get Ugly!
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EXCLUSIVE! The Cheerleader Calendar For Donald Trump's Failed 1980s Football Team Is Crazy Sexual — And He Treated The Women So Poorly!
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Madonna & Idris Elba Seen Kissing After Kickboxing Match: 'There Was Nothing Subtle About It'
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