Home Videos Photos Shop
PerezHilton CocoPerez Khloe Selena G. Kanye Teen Mom PerezTV

All tag results for illinois

Google Satellites Discover Christian Science Church Is Actually Giant Brown Dong! See It HERE!

Filed under: Wacky, Tacky & TrueGIFs

christian science building dixon illinois giant brown space dong google satellites

Meanwhile, in space…

We loved Gravity, but now we almost wish the plot centered around two good-looking astronauts — still played by George Clooney & Sandra Bullock — who discover Earth's giant chocolate peen while doing their space walk! Maybe it causes them to laugh so hard that they use up all of their oxygen and nearly perish!

Because, as it turns out, this big brown space sausage is actually a thing!!!

The religious elders who approved an architectural plan of a Christian Science building in Dixon, IL — get it? Dixon? Take your time, we'll wait — probably had no idea that their pretty little building would wind up looking like a perfectly proportioned replica of Wesley Snipes' enormous ebony penis (scaled 14:1) when viewed from space!

Unfortunately, a lack of foreskin foresight on their part doesn't prevent Google's satellites from picking up an aerial (money) shot of the biggest boner in all of Illinois!

Or maybe they knew precisely what they were constructing all along! Perhaps this is an offering to a benevolent God that knows the value of a good vomiting cobra when He or She sees one!

Either way, they even thought to include a thicket of pubic hair-esque shrubbery!

Oh, life! Sometimes UR too good to be true!

[Image via Google Maps.]

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Permalink / 5 comments

Former Chicago Bears Coach Mike Ditka Says He Could Have Kept President Obama Out Of The White House! Quote Of The Day!

Filed under: Quote of the DayZportzPolitikBarack ObamaFootball

mike ditka says he could have kept president obama out of office

"Biggest mistake I've ever made. Not that I would have won, but I probably would have and he wouldn't be in the White House."

-Mike Ditka on how he could have kept Barack Obama out of the White House by representing Illinois in the Senate.

[Image via Pablo Martinez Monsivais/AP Images.]

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Permalink / Comments Off

Giant Monster Hornets Are Going To KILL You!!

Filed under: Scary!InsectsDanger!Bugs

Giant monster hornets are coming to kill you!!

Have you heard of these giant Asian hornets??

They're pretty much exactly how they sound… they're hornets and they're huge. (Also, they're from Asia!)

And they're killing the shiz out of everyone!!*

*(Not actually everyone…)

At least 28 people have died from these bees and hundreds more have been injured in attacks!

The bees will chase people for hundreds of meters and sting them hundreds of times.

Oh, and did we mention the average stinger length of a giant Asian hornet is about a quarter-inch??

Right now, they're said to only be in China, but the fear is they're spreading, especially since some were reported being seen in Illinois last year.

Well, guess we're gonna buy some plate armor and never leave the house! LOLz!

[Image via Imgur.]

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Permalink / 1 comment

Testicle Eating Fish Found In Illinois Lake!!

Filed under: Scary!FishDisgusting!Danger!

Oh boy… oh jeez… oh wow… this… this is horrifying!!

There's a fish known as the Pacu that is an exotic fish, in the same family as piranhas.

While a piranha has jagged teeth, a Pacu has teeth much like a human's!

These fish are infamous for killing men by ripping off their testicles!!

That seriously sounds like the most terrifying thing EVERRR!

Ball eating fish! Don't go swimming in Illinois!

Check out the video (above) to get a look at the most awful fish ever!!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Permalink / Comments Off

Kristin Cavallari Busted By Chicago Police! Find Out Her Crime HERE!

Filed under: Legal MattersTwitterKristin CavallariGIFs

kristin cavallari bail chicago police drivers license

Kristin Cavallari is out on bail after running afoul of Chicago PD!

The Hills star moved to Chicago a few months ago to be with her hunky hubby, Bears QB Jay Cutler.

But evidently she didn't get her driver's license changed over- a no-no in the Land of Lincoln! When Chicago police saw her CA ID, they hauled her into the station! She tweeted:

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Permalink / 7 comments

Newborn Baby Mole Rat Is SUPER Adorbz! Yes, Really!

Filed under: Cuteness!ZooRat

A newborn baby mole rat is super adorbz!!

Peoria Zoo in Illinois has welcomed its first surviving second generation Giant Zambian Mole-rat pup!

The little cutie was born back on June 22nd and has been growing rapidly.

The mole ratty has the most adorbz front teeth sticking out of his mouth!

It's so cute! But they're also functional, they are used for excavating their burrows by biting away the soil.

The Peoria Zoo is actually the first zoo in the U.S. to exhibit Giant Zambian Mole-rats.

They've been working to find a technique to ensure breeding success in the species, since they're not that easy to get to breed.

This little pup's mama was the first offspring to ever survive being born at the Peoria Zoo.

So glad this little cutie survived!!

[Image via Peoria Zoo.]

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Permalink / Comments Off

Jenny McCarthy & Donnie Wahlberg Are White Hot On Red Carpet In FIRST Public Appearance!

mcarthy wahlberg 177613423

Jenny McCarthy and her new beau, Donnie Wahlberg, FINALLY gave us The View of them as a couple in their FIRST official appearance together this weekend!

Jenny hosted a Dancing With the Stars charity event at the Hotel Baker in St. Charles, Illinois, a suburb of Chicago, helping to raise money for her son’s school.

Love that Donnie came out to support his lady’s hometown and family!

The pair looked soooooo debonair in their elegant apparel — and we have a feeling they looked pretty hot in the new goodies underneath their clothes, too! LOLz!!!

Ch-ch-check out more of the awesome twosome (below)!

[Image via Getty Images.]

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Permalink / 3 comments