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Again! Bristol Palin Announces Split With Levi!

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It's official!

Levi Johnston has been kicked to the curb AGAIN by the Palins!

After allegedly impregnating ANOTHER Alaskan teen, Bristol Palin tearfully announced that her baby daddy is once again out of her life.

She reveals:

"It's over. I broke up with him. There's been no remorse. The final straw was him flying to Hollywood for what he told me was to see some hunting show but come to find out it was that music video mocking my family. He's just obsessed with the limelight and I got played. Through this whole experience I know I need a man who's going to be completely honest with me and someone who loves me and Tripp and wants to be with him all the time. I also want someone who has religious beliefs and a good family."

That's right, gurl! You need someone who's going to famewhore with you - but on YOUR terms.

Bwa ha ha!

Speaking of famewhoring, Sexy Sarah, who is totally LOVING this mess, chimed in:

"I wish for Bristol to be able to move forward in life with her same forgiving, gracious, optimistic spirit, but from henceforth she'll know to trust but verify. Bristol is strong, she is independent, and she knows what is right for her bank account son."

Such heartbreak and anguish! Boo-hoo!

We knew Bristol had to be dumb - she let that douchebag stick it in her without a condom, after all - but we didn't think she'd be STOOPID enough to take him back after everything!

But hey! Maybe third time will be a charm and they'll reconcile again, right?!

They certainly deserve each other!

[Image via AP Images.]

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Engagement Off! Bristol Splits From Levi AGAIN!

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Well that fizzled right as it was getting good again!

It's like a real life, white trash soap opera up there!

Bristol Palin is reportedly devastated by the news that her fiance douchey baby daddy, Levi Johnston, was stoopid enough to impregnate his ex-girlfriend, Lanesia Garcia, during their time apart, and will only communicate with him via text message!

Ha!

A source claims:

“Levi insists the baby isn’t his, but no one really knows for sure. Levi is one of three possible fathers who were with Lanesia during the probable week of conception. The Palins recognize [Bristol’s decision to take Levi back] was the ultimate act of forgiveness, but they themselves are not ready to practice it. They remember the harsh words and the hurtful actions of just a few months ago. In their minds, Levi has spent the last year and a half trying to hurt Bristol and the family."

We wonder if Sexy Sarah will still welcome that dumbass at their table for Thanksgiving dinner!

And when the fuck is Levi's elegant, aspiring model/blogger sister Mercede going to weigh in on the situation on her website? We can't WAIT to hear what she has to say about this mess!

Bwa ha ha!

[Image via WENN.]

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Jesse James Impregnated A Mistress!

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Oh, just lovely.

Jesse James, who apparently is not only a douchebag sleazetard but also a dumbass who is too stoopid to fuck women who are not his wife without protection, knocked up one of his hood rats!

Great! As if you haven't put Sandra through enough hell!

What an asshat.

A source claims:

“Jesse got a mistress pregnant. Jesse knew about it.”

The unnamed lady reportedly didn't go through with the pregnancy.

There are also claims now that although the douchebag has only had four skanks come forward, he admitted to Sandra that he had slept with SEVEN women and that he wanted to save their marriage by going to sex therapy "like Tiger."

PSSH.

Luckily, Sandy called BS on that faster than you can say "fake addiction" and still plans to divorce the twat!

Good! That's right, girl!

Get through your sadness and heartbreak, and then you just let yourself get as MAD as you want!!

[Image via WENN.]

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