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Here Comes The Slander! Papa Lohan Says Kate 2.0 Was Drunk!

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Of course she was! Blame the Stoli instead of your fist on her blackout!

Michael Lohan has made an official statement through his lawyer about the allegations of violence against him. He says that he "never physically abused" his lady lover Kate Major and that she was "heavily intoxicated" at the time of the incident in question.

Here's the statement from Michael's lawyer, Lisa Bloom:

"Michael Lohan 100% denies each and every one of Kate Major’s allegations. He has never threatened to harm her, never assaulted her, and never physically abused her in any way.

Kate was heavily intoxicated during the verbal argument between Michael and Kate in the early afternoon on Monday. Michael Lohan has been clean and sober for six years.

Michael Lohan is fully cooperating with the police investigation. No charges have been filed. He expects to be fully vindicated."

UGH! Will this man ever just shut the eff up?!?

We've run out of ways to call this tool pathetic! This is just so unbelievable sad! (and possibly staged…)

[Image via WENN.]

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Michael Lohan Writes Lindsanity's Judge A Letter Requesting To Keep Her Out Of Jail!

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Given his track record - and his present, in courtroom douchery, who knows if the judge will take him seriously?

Things are not going well for LaLoca at her hearing right now, but that still didn't stop Judge Marsha Revel from shutting down Father of Year and #1 Famewhore Michael Lohan from speaking to the courts.

She suggested he write a letter if he had something to say, and of course, has already had his lawyer, Lisa Bloom, draft up a letter requesting that his daughter not be placed in jail!

He instead hopes that Lindsanity can be placed somewhere where her alleged prescription drug use can be monitored!

The letter states:

"Michael desperately wants to avoid seeing his daughter become the next Hollywood statistic."

It also says that her post-DUI, 84 minutes in jail made LA a "laughing stock of our criminal justice system," and she should be placed in a private rehabilitation facility in New York that also accommodates family therapy!

Goodness, if he weren't such a psycho we'd think he makes some sense! But we all know better than to give him the benefit of the doubt!

[Image via WENN.]

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Michael Lohan Is NOT Backing Down!

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We didn't think he'd give up his precious famewhoring without a fight!

Despite reports that Michael Lohan was backing down from his plan to force Lindsanity into reheab, his lawyer, Lisa Bloom, claims otherwise!

She says:

"There has been no agreement as to anything. All options remain open to save and protect Lindsay. That is Michael's #1 priority. Michael wants Lindsay to go to rehab. If she doesn't, all options remain open. He loves her. Her decision not to meet with him or go into rehab puts him in a very difficult position."

We all know what Michael's #1 priorty really is (attention!) but we still think what he's doing is better than Orange Oprah's ridiculous denial!

What do u think is in store for the Loony LOLhans next?!

[Image via WENN.]

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