Settle down, Beliebers! This is all a bunch of BULL!
This might be the best lawsuit ever. As long as you don't take the civil courts seriously.
A Michigan man is suing Justin Bieber because he claims that the pop star stole his American Express credit card to purchase a penis enlargement.
But wait…it gets better (or worse, depending on how you look at it).
The plaintiff claims to be Selena Gomez's dad who lent her pop star boyfriend $426.78 for an abortion. Our words can't do his ludicrous charges justice, so here's what the court documents say:
"Bieber has cost me $426.78 and never paid me back. This money was used as abortion money because Justin Bieber got my daughter Selena pregnant in my bedroom, on my canadian bear rug."
Usher isn't getting out of this scandal scot free either. The lawsuit accuses Bieber's mentor of sodomy via firework insertion. The delusional docs continue:
"Usher Raymond came to my house on the forth of july 2012 and sodomized me with a firework and lit it inside my anal area while blaring kate perry [sic] firework song in my ear drums."
Ultimately, the man admits "I'm an emotional mess" and concludes:
"America must boycott Bieber's music!"
For the record, he didn't take the time to capitalize the "B" in Bieber or add that possessive apostrophe, so don't go thinking he's remotely coherent.
Clearly, this guy has got some issues and wants to take some celebs to crazytown with him.
[Image via WENN.]