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Justin Bieber Sued For Purchasing Penis Enlargement With Michigan Man's Credit Card

Settle down, Beliebers! This is all a bunch of BULL!

This might be the best lawsuit ever. As long as you don't take the civil courts seriously.

A Michigan man is suing Justin Bieber because he claims that the pop star stole his American Express credit card to purchase a penis enlargement.

But wait…it gets better (or worse, depending on how you look at it).

The plaintiff claims to be Selena Gomez's dad who lent her pop star boyfriend $426.78 for an abortion. Our words can't do his ludicrous charges justice, so here's what the court documents say:

"Bieber has cost me $426.78 and never paid me back. This money was used as abortion money because Justin Bieber got my daughter Selena pregnant in my bedroom, on my canadian bear rug."

Usher isn't getting out of this scandal scot free either. The lawsuit accuses Bieber's mentor of sodomy via firework insertion. The delusional docs continue:

"Usher Raymond came to my house on the forth of july 2012 and sodomized me with a firework and lit it inside my anal area while blaring kate perry [sic] firework song in my ear drums."

Ultimately, the man admits "I'm an emotional mess" and concludes:

"America must boycott Bieber's music!"

For the record, he didn't take the time to capitalize the "B" in Bieber or add that possessive apostrophe, so don't go thinking he's remotely coherent.

Clearly, this guy has got some issues and wants to take some celebs to crazytown with him.

[Image via WENN.]

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Marlon Wayans Parodies Paranormal Activity In A Haunted House Trailer

Filed under: Film FlickersSilly!

You guys remember when the Wayans Brother's were involved in the Scary Movie franchise?

Sure you do. It's when the movies were actually funny.

Marlon Wayans has pounced back into parody with A Haunted House, a comedy that spoofs the never-ending Paranormal Activity franchise, as well as other found footage flicks like The Devil Inside.

If U liked Scary Movie 1 and 2, then we'd say this flick is right up your alley because the first trailer (above) is pretty promising — especially if you can appreciate a good fart joke.

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Will Ferrell Makes Chelsea Handler Cry (From Laughter) During Surprise Visit

Filed under: TV NewsSilly!Will FerrellChelsea Handler

It's not easy to make Chelsea Handler tear up from laughing so hard, but we're not surprised that Will Ferrell can.

The HIGHlarious actor surprised the late-night host by showing up on the set of Chelsea Lately in a golf cart to unapologetically interrupt the roundtable discussion.

Sporting a mustache, green shorts and a Chicago Cubs jersey, the Anchorman 2 star declared:

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Quote Of The Day

Filed under: Jessica BielQuote of the DaySilly!Twitter

"If I got a dollar every time someone told me to name my future kid "Batmo" I'd almost have enough to pay for therapy for a kid named Batmo."

- Jessica Biel via Twitter (Get it? GET IT?!)

[Image via WENN.]

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Casey Anthony Is Being Sued For $3 Billion…In The CRAZIEST Lawsuit Ever!

If you thought Casey Anthony's acquittal was crazy…you ain't seen nothin' yet!

The infamous murder suspect was sued by a Pennsylvania woman for $3 billion because of the "emotional and mental distress" she caused her.

And no, it has nothing to do with her trial. Naomi Riches not only claims that Anthony tried to kill her, but swears she is in "cahoots" with Nancy Grace.

Almost incoherent court documents allege:

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Ben Affleck Compares Directing Himself In Argo To Masturbation

Filed under: TV NewsBen AffleckFilm FlickersSilly!Jimmy Fallon

Masturbation, eh? We're intrigued! Please continue. Ha!

Ben Affleck stopped by Late Night with Jimmy Fallon on Monday to promote his newest movie, Argo. Like The Town, he also stars in the flick, so Fallon couldn't help but ask what that was like to juggle the two roles.

Affleck came back with the most inneresting of answers, saying:

“It’s a little bit like masturbation, Jimmy. You gotta know what you want. You know what I mean? Where you're going. It’s intuitive.”

Wow! Directing movies has never sounded so easy. LOLz!

Watch him make the dirty joke (above) and then check out the rest of the interview … AFTER THE JUMP!!!

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Jon Stewart Creates The Conservative Version Of Sesame Street

Filed under: Jon StewartSilly!Politik

If Mitt Romney gets elected, he's vowed to cut federal funding for PBS and Sesame Street.

Leave it to Jon Stewart and the Daily Show to re-imagine the classic children's television show (above) so that its conservative critics can finally accept its educational value.

First up, say goodbye to Sesame Street and hello to

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