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Mel Gibson Is Evil…In New Machete Kills Trailer!

Mel Gibson gets his crazy eyes on playing the arms dealer villain in the new Machete Kills trailer.

The star-studded sequel to Machete, this movie promises to have everything you could possibly want from a sequel to Machete: nuclear missiles, explosions, and what appears to be the Swiss Army Knife version of the titular machete.

Speaking of "titular," Sofia Vergara plays one of Mel's super soldiers sent to kill Machete. Her weapons of choice? Machine gun breasts, or as Austin Powers might call them, "machine gun jubblies!"

Meanwhile, Charlie Sheen plays the President, who wakes up to a call in the beginning of the trailer sleeping with 3 strippers women. LOL! Bet he had to do a lot of character research for that!

And of course the trailer is filled with classic lines from Danny Trejo's Machete, including one that will probably make AFI's Top Movie Quote list:

"Machete don't tweet."

But does Machete Vine or Instagram? Because we'd follow him in a heart beat!

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Charlie Sheen Ditches His Alias For Machete Kills! Find Out His Real Name HERE!

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Would you be surprised to find out that Charlie Sheen was not born with the name for which he's notorious?!

Maybe, maybe not, as his father goes by Martin Sheen, but his brother Emilio Estevez!

Well, turns out, the iconic Apocalypse Now actor was born Ramon Antonio Gerardo Estevez, and gifted his Anger Management-prone son with the name Carlos Estevez…although he started going by "Charlie" at the age of four so he would not be confused with an uncle with the same name!

But now, the "MaSheen" will no longer be able to go by that nickname, as he's decided to embrace his Spanish heritage for all promotional purposes of his new flick, Machete Kills, in which he portrays the President of the United States!

Ch-ch-check out the brand new poster for the flick, featuring the change in alias (above)!

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Sofia Vergara Flashes Deadly Double-D Tittays In Machete Kills! See The Perky New Poster HERE!

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BritBrit, we love what you've done with your… wait a second, thats not Britney Spears!!

It's Sofia Vergara smuggling deadly weapons in her sweater!

She's the latest pretty poster girl for Machete Kills, following the lovely Amber Heard and Alexa Vega.

The Modern Family star is no stranger to nip-slips, of course, but we've never seen her boobies bust out like this! Wowza!

The concept reminds us of Britney's FIERCE cameo in Austin Powers, but certainly there is room enough in Hollywood for two ladies with killer tits, LOLz!!

See the fresh poster for Robert Rodriguez's upcoming sequel in all of it's seXXXay glory…AFTER THE JUMP!!!

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Lindsay Lohan’s Machete Kills Role Not Scheduled Around Court Because She's Not Even Wanted For Sequel!

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That’s gotta burn a little.

Or a lot!

But Lindsay Lohan shouldn’t start throwing a hissy fit just because she's being rejected all over — including the sequel of Machete!!

You see, director Robert Rodriguez has made up a perfectly good excuse explanation for not having LiLo reprise her role as April in the sequel Machete Kills. He said:

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Alexa Vega Flaunts Her Ah-Mazing ASSets In Maui!

Filed under: Twitter

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Oooh, she's a cheeky one, LOLz!!

Remember Alexa Vega as the curiously brave 12-year-old in Spy Kids?

These days, neither do we!!

Proving once again she's 100% woman, the 24-year-old actress enthusiastically bared her bottom in Hawaii for nearly 200K Twitter followers!

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Spy Kids Star Alex Vega Finalizes Divorce In Time To Ho-Ho-Ho It Up For Christmas!

Filed under: Legal MattersLove LineHolidaze

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Not that she ever would, the darling! But she could!

Alexa Vega, the child star from Spy Kids and the sultry adult vixen from Machete Kills, is officially single and ready to mingle jingle — just in time for Christmas and New Year's Eve!

Her divorce to producer Sean Covel is finally in the books — good for her!

The 24-year-old must be totes relieved to put this legal drams in her rearview!

Hopefully she was invited to a holidaze party chock full of mistletoe because we're rooting for this lady to get a little lip action! Santa doesn't care if you're naughty or nice, LOLz!!

Good luck in your new year and with your new lease on life!

[Image via WENN.]

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Robert Rodriguez's Machete Sequel Slain In Utero?

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The only thing better than a guilty pleasure cult-action flick is its inevitable sequel!

Danny Trejo was bad-arse in Machete, and we can't wait to see him in Machete Kills!

But that might not happen if the people suing rolling-up-their-sleeves-in-preparation-for-a-lube-less-anal-fisting-of director Robert Rodriguez get their way!

Overnight Productions filed a motion in court to kill the film's pre-release and cut ties with Robert all together!

They also want $2 mil in damages!

And apparently this is all over some tax document snafu!

We aren't sure how worthwhile their case is, but this bums us out because we were really looking forward to the flick!

Between the seXXXay Jessica Alba, the spicy Michelle Rodriguez, the buxomly Amber Heard, and Charlie Sheen as the Perezident…

How could anyone deprive the world of this film?!

[Image via Overnight Productions.]

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