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Joseph Gordon-Levitt Knows People Are Masturbating To His Hot Bod!

joseph gordon levitt knows people masturbate to him

Well this is embarrassing…

Who told Joseph Gordon-Levitt our sexy secret?!?

LOLz!

Honestly, who HASN'T had a JGL fantasy? Especially lately! That boy is looking better than ever these days!

Joe knows he's one desirable dude too because last night, he admitted to Stephen Colbert that he's aware people are masturbating to him!

ZOMG!

Stephen was asking Joe about his Don Jon character's inability to take his mind off of porn even while having sex with Scarlet Johansson! Mr. Colbert told a bold-faced lie and claimed not to masturbate to porn EVER, because as he put it:

"Pornography masturbates to me!"

Whatever you say, Stephen!

Joseph then interjected:

"People masturbate to me!"

Truer words have never been spoken!

HA!

Ch-ch-check out Joseph Gordon-Levitt letting it all hang out on The Colbert ReportAFTER THE JUMP!!!

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Alexander Skarsgard Steams Up The Air While Wandering LA

Alexander Skarsgard casual in Hollywood

Holy moly.

The smokin' Swedish god that is Alexander Skarsgard was seen leaving a Hollywood hotspot and we think he has on waaaaaay too many clothes for our liking.

Our favorite seXXXbomb has been in LA a lot recently…and we LOVE it.

We just wish he'd reconsider the whole "getting-dressed-in-the-morning" thing and show us some more skin a la his True Blood alter-ego Eric Northman.

Hey, we can dream, can't we?!

If ASkars walked around naked more then maybe the US would have to follow Sweden's lead with the whole public masturbation thing…

LOLz!!!

[Image via Survivor/Pacific Coast News.]

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Sweden Decriminalizes Public Masturbation After An Old Dude Fondles His One-Eyed Skarsgård At Beach!

sweden decriminalizes public masturbation abba alexander skarsgard sexy beach fun

Stockholm Syndrome just got a whole lot weirder!

A 65-year-old horn-ball was charged with sexual assault recently after unsheathing his Pippi Longstocking at a Swedish beach and stroking her in public; sadly, this isn't the shocking part of this story.

He was arrested and charged with sexual assault, but the courts actually ended up acquitting the dude! They ruled the man committed no actual offense because his "activities" weren't directed toward any particular target!

Uh… So, they're saying it's okay stab-a your ABBA in public, but only if you aren't checking out the girl next to you with the dragon tattoo!?

Prosecutor Olof Vrethammar agrees with the verdict. He admitted:

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Aubrey Plaza Goes All In! She Gives Conan O'Brien The Deets About Masturbating In Her New Movie!

Filed under: TV NewsFilm FlickersConan O'Brien

aubrey plaza masturbates doodle

OK! So, Aubrey Plaza can cross off "masturbate on camera" from her own to do list!

The star of the upcoming flick The To Do List, co-starring Rachel Bilson, had to go way down south for a scene involving some independent pleasure. But Aubrey had no idea JUST how intimate things were going to get during filming!

She told Conan O'Brien this week that she assumed they would shoot from the waist up for this masturbatory moment. She didn't think she would ACTUALLY have to do the two-finger tango!

Come to find out, it was a FULL body shot!

OH MY!!!

Which meant Aubrey would have to get VERY into herself, all while being watched by a room full of people!

Ch-ch-check out Aubrey on Conan to hear the rest of her she-bopping experience …AFTER THE JUMP!!!

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New Jersey Bus Driver Punishes His Python On The Job! Watch His Masturbatory Meltdown HERE!

Filed under: Icky Icky PooLegal MattersSex

new jersey bus driver masturbation video gross nsfw fired transit

Let's face it, masturbation is a part of life.

Birds do it, bees do it, even educated bees whales do it!

Masturbating while driving, however, is NOT a part of life at all. It's dangerous, creepy, and illegal!

And masturbating while driving a public transit bus full of commuters? That's just cray!!!!

Unfortunately, better judgement didn't stop 41-year-old George Simpson from doing the five-knuckle shuffle while transporting a bus full of unsuspecting passengers late last month!!!

And he was caught on tape!

One Manhattan librarian didn't appreciate watching him skin his own salami on her evening cummute commute so she recorded the whole encounter!

See the graphically disturbing and definitely NSFW transit nightmare unfold…AFTER THE JUMP!!!

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McDonald's Customer Arrested For Creating McMasturbation Menu Item!

mcdonalds masturbation canada gross icky food fast restaurant charged indecent

Nova Scotia's McDonald’s chains aren't that much different than those here in the States, as we're sure this isn't the first time this has happened in the world: a man has been arrested for going to town on his own personal Big Mac, and yes we TOTES mean he was masturbating in the restaurant!

LOLz! SO GROSS!

The Canadian man was furiously masturbating at a McDonald's last week, and has since been arrested — which has brought us to the most spot-on advice the world has ever gotten from police:

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Tennessee Official Frequently Drove 90 Mph With His Dong Dangling Out The Window?!

vice-mayor-william-blakely-masturbating-car-driving-90-penis-window-arrested-tennessee-women-testify

We… we… don't even know what to say?!

William Blakely, a former Vice-Mayor in Creepyville Mount Carmel, Tennessee sat in court today listening to testimony from a slew of victims who swear he spent the past four years speeding around town committing a series of lewd and illegal acts!

Multiple witness allege wicked Willie would drive at speeds in excess of 90 mph, stare down women on the road, pull out his penis, masturbate, and sometimes even let his penis hang loose OUT THE WINDOW!

Today in court, eye-witness Kelly Street testified

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