If the one thing keeping you from being fit and healthy is the non-existence of an obscenely expensive fork that yells at you when you've eaten too much, well hold onto your giant butts: it exists!
But it doesn't yell, it vibrates. Bummer.
It's called a HAPIfork, and it's as first-world as you can get. It's a computerized fork that gives you a buzz when you're eating too fast. The product counts each bite you take and tracks your average meal time, the number of bites per serving, and the number of bites per meal where you were "overspeeding," or bringing the fork to your mouth too quickly.
What if you're really good at getting a lot onto your fork, though?