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Lindsay Lohan Has A Long-Lost Sister! Michael Gets Positive DNA Results & A Convo With Maury!

WTF!!?!!?! THIS IS REAL LIFE!

Even the craziest tabloid couldn't make this sh*t up!

Lindsay Lohan has a long-lost sister, everyone! A LONG-LOST SISTER!!

For seventeen years, Kristi Horn has been adamant about Michael Lohan being the father of her love child — Ashley.

But he always denied it!!

Welp! He can't now!! Because thanks to The Trisha Goddard Show, DNA testing now proves that YES, MICHAEL — YOU ARE THE FATHER!!

Oh and speaking of wacky paternity testing, Maury even drops by to have a lil' chit-chat with the dad.

At one point he even asks the most important of questions

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Jenelle Evans On Nude Pics: 'I Was High When Ex Took Them'

jevans.jpg

What's Jenelle Evans' excuse for her nude leaked pictures?

Here's what she said on her Twitter:

“I was still not in the right state of mind from the anesthesia and I was on my prescribed medication. I was f–ked up off anesthesia after the surgery. I didn’t kno (sic) he took the after photos.”

But what about the before pictures of the Teen Mom wearing her birthday suit?

Jenelle says:

“The before photos (he) took without me lookin and told me he deleted them thats why I was laughing in the pic cuz I’m like lol stop.”

Why, however, would she let her ex boyfriend keep those pictures? And why wouldn't she press charges against him now?

The mommy said:

"I didn't give him any permission and yes I kno [sic] I have a good case but he has more blackmail on me so I cant. I’m very depressed but I’ll eventually get over it. I just wish I knew who to trust these days."

Don't be depressed, girl! It's not the end of the world. Way worse things could of happened to you than everyone seeing your twin peaks.

Although we are a bit disappointed to hear the way Jenelle abused her medication.

Here's what her friend said:

“She got Hydrocodone (a prescription painkiller) and they had her on morphine while she was going through it. She was all high, she was eating the hydrocodones like they were Skittles.”

Aw, it sounds like she's really sorry that those photos got out on the internet.

Life ain't so bad, girl. Think of the positives in your lifes.

Like those new boobs of yours!

[Image via FameFlynetpictures.]

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Cher Pissed Off An ENTIRE Australian City!

Filed under: Celebrity FeudsCherTwitter

Cher Pissed Off An ENTIRE Australian City!

Oops!!!

Cher became one of the very few people in the world that managed to piss off an entire city.

No, she didn't blast Believe from the town square for 48 hours on repeat. (Who wouldn't love that?!) The pop legend did something on par much worse: she sold the key to their city!!

Friday, the over-sized brass key to the city of Adelaide Australia — that was presented to Cher 22 years ago — was sold to the highest bidder on eBay for an incredible $100,000.

Giving away the key to the city?? Now ANYONE will be able to get in! LOL!

Srsly though, the Adelaidians (or whatever they're called) are SUPER pissed. The current Adelaide Mayor said:

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The Real Sue Sylvester! Girls Charged $5 To Try Out For Cheerleading Team

Filed under: Educational

Poor cheerleaders are GROSS! LOLZ!

One cheerleading coach (aka Sue Sylvester) charged students $5 for the honor of trying out for her team.

Apparently the cheer squad of this Dallas high school is SO competitive they had to an unbiased judge to decide who made the team.

Still, paying to even try out is pretty messed up!!

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Horrible Parent Of The Week: Grandmother And Stepmother Allegedly Forced 9 Y/O Girl To Run To Death

Filed under: R.I.P.Sad SadPerezcious Parenting

Grandmother And Stepmother, Allegedly Forced 9 Y/O Girl To Run To Death

BEYOND SAD!!

Authorities say 9-year-old Savannah Hardin was forced to run until she DIED! That's right, she only was aloud to stop until she passed out, started seizing, and died.

The 9-year-old girl's horrible stepmom and grandmother "forced her" to run for THREE HOURS before that finally happened.

The autopsy report showed the girl was extremely dehydrated and had a very low sodium level. A state pathologist ruled it a homicide.

It isn't clear if Savannah was forced to run cause of verbal commands, or physical coercion. However, we DO know the girl's sweet old granny, 46-year-old Joyce Hardin Garrard, and her dear stepmom, 27-year-old Jessica Mae Hardin are accused of murder. The women are currently behind bars in Georgia (where they have the death penalty).

Wanna know the "totally reasonable" reason why Savannah was being forced to run?

Authorities say it was punishment for lying to her grandma about eating candy.

WHAT F**KING MANIACS!! !! !!

Since being jailed, Savannah's stepmother gave birth to a baby. Our thoughts are with that poor newborn, and her late sister.

R.I.P Savannah!!

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