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What Harm Could One Line Of Coke Do?

Filed under: Lindsay LohanDrugsLegal Matters

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Sources are reporting that Lindsay Lohan is moron.

As we all well know, on Friday Lilo will be in court AGAIN to answer to the judge about failing her most recent drug test. An insider close to Lindsanity isn't very surprised by the news, as they explain that LiLo never took her rehab visit very seriously, hopped right back into the party scene right after her release and told friends that she was surprised that a line of coke would show up on her drug test!

What? Is she serioualy this stupid? What the hell goes on in her cracked out brain?!

The insider, who claims to be close enough to Lindsay to have visited her while in rehab, explains that LiLo is a mastermind of "self-sabotage," but now that everything has caught up to her, she is "scared out of her mind." The insider reveals:

"She says she has regrets this time [about doing drugs while on probation]. I was shocked she actually said she did have regrets, but she’s finally met her match this time with the court system, because she’s not in control of the situation. She’s being treated like anyone else. I’m sure the judge will be hard on her.”

The insider goes to to say that they were there the night Lindsay snorted her comeback away, revealing:

“She lives in this fantasy land, where she thinks, ‘A line of coke won’t show up in my system,’ She has this sense of entitlement that rules don’t apply. I just don’t get it. It’s sad, more than anything else. She didn’t have to get high that night [that prompted the first failed drug test]. No one shoved coke up her nose. Anything could have been less worse than coke; even weed or taking a shot [of alcohol]. She had the world at her fingertips. It breaks my heart. When she went to jail, everyone was sort of hoping that was going to be it.”

Wow! What the hell, Lindsay? Did you really not pay any attention in rehab?! Don't you want something better for yourself?! Don't you want the comeback at all???

This is just sad. And what's worse is we don't very see good things to come for her now, regardless if she goes to jail or not. (And she will)

So whatever is going to kick her back into fighting form and off the drugs, someone better figure it out and quick!

[Image via WENN.]

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Kid Cudi Is An Idiot

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Kid Cudi spilled his idiotic guts to Complex magazine, and we've gotta say…we are NOT impressed.

Here are some excerpts from the interview, which should give you the gist of why he's a Kid CudIDIOT:

Everybody think they Hov. Niggas ain't got the magic like they think they do; there's only a couple of wizards in this game. I'm a wizard and I know it.

Sounds like the makings of another Bed Intruder Song! More from CudIDIOT on his cocaine usage:

I never thought it was a problem, but I was definitely high-fiving death a couple of times.

That's right, Cudi. It's only a problem if you ACTUALLY die. Almost dying is fine.

Here's CudIDIOT on Perez:

Even Perez Hilton said some shit about me. He might be a good person and have a good heart, but he does a lot of fuckhead shit. Who are you to talk about people? That's not cool. That's why the world is so fucked up, because of hate. And he's gay? I just don't get that. The gay people I know are about peace and love and coming together. That shit doesn't register with me. He's a chump and a coward, and it's fucked up because I met dude so many times and he had nothing but love to show me. Then when that shit happened with Lady Gaga kicking me off her tour, he had to run his mouth and judge me on that shit.

We'd recommend Cudi look up the word "nonsensical" in the dictionary, but we'd probably first have to explain the concept of a dictionary to him, which wouldn't be worth our time.

Check out the full interview here, and let us know if U can think of any words other than "nonsensical," "idiot", or "moron" to describe the man kid.

[Image via WENN.]

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The Real Heidi Doll Claims That Her FrankenTittays Are Crushing Her!

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Just like the skin on your over-sized tittays, our sympathy only stretches so thin, bb!

The Real Heidi Doll finally realized what a complete monstrosity she has made herself, and is bitching every chance she can get about how much she regrets her ridiculous ELECTIVE plastic surgery procedures.

She says:

"My boobs are crushing me. They are totally too big and it's impossible to work out - they get in the way when I try to exercise. I have to wear two sports bras to run! It's heartbreaking. I can't live an everyday life. I can't hug my dogs anymore. Especially with my face in the condition it's in, I can't get up close or kiss them. Of they were to hit my nose I wouldn't be able to get it fixed again! I have to be really careful. I feel like a porcelain doll. I see so many things that I want to wear and can't I definitely didn't think about that part when I signed up for the surgery."

How tragic and devastating!

Except for the tiny little reality THAT SHE DID THIS TO HERSELF!

Whatevs. Soon she'll have them reduced and can whine about how painful the recovery is and blah blah blah!

We just think it's so tragic that she's willing to put her body through so much just for press.

Sad.

Thoughts??

[Image via Pacific Coast News Online.]

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Little J Gets A Lesson In Manners From RiRi!

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HA! Yes!

Hearing this just makes us love her even more! This is EPIC!

Remember all those pointless digs the ever-so mature and hardcore Little J made about Rihanna? Then do you remember how quickly the little prositot took that shiz back?

Well, now we know why!

Apparently, when RiRi heard that Taylor Momsen put on her big girl boots and ran her mouth off, gurlfriend was NOT pleased, so she gave the Gossip Girl a personalized phone call and set her boney ass straight!

A source reveals:

"Rihanna did not take kindly to a 17-year-old making such rude comments about her, especially since they flooded the internet as soon as they were released. She got Taylor's number through a friend and called her up, telling her to back off and act her age. Rihanna is not the kind of person you want to mess with."

AMAZING!

We can see that little twit now, clutching her blackberry and pissing all over her stoopid effing garter!

Bwa ha ha!

Glad someone finally gave her a wake-up call! Every child needs one sometimes!

[Image via WENN.]

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Dr. Douche Is A Chronic Quitter!

Filed under: Icky Icky PooTV NewsHoward Stern

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We're not surprised - she's pretty much a spineless bitch, anyway!

As we've reported, Dr. Laura Schlessinger revealed that after using the N-word ELEVEN TIMES last week on her radio show last week, she would not be renewing her contract.

Apparently, this isn't the first time this worthless trash has pulled a similar stunt. Back in 1999, CBS offered Dr. Douche her own talk show. One of her terms for signing on, however, was that CBS keep Howard Stern from talking shiz about her!

Seriously, you idiot? What about that first amendment right you rambled on about in your defense? Or does it say somewhere that freedom of speech is only exclusively for your stoopid ass?

Obviously, CBS refused to accommodate that psycho, so she quit!

What a commendable work ethic! You should be so proud!

BARF.

[Image via WENN.]

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Mayor Of Wasilla Responds To Levi Johnston's "Campaign"

Filed under: Icky Icky PooPolitikLevi Johnston

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Glad to know we're not the only one who is apprehensive about him getting into politics!

Verne E. Rupright, the mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, doesn't think famewhoring douchebag Levi Johnston's latest publicity stunt - running for the position of mayor of the town in 2012 - is funny, and had a few choice pieces of advice!

He says:

"Well, it is a little early to declare. Usually most wait until the year the seat is up. But since I am nearly old enough to be Levi's grandfather I think it would be wise for him to get a high school diploma and keep his clothes on. The voters like that!"

We think it would be wise for him to continue down the path he started in Playgirl and just do gay porn! But his acting would probably be too shiteous for even that, too!

LOLs!

Thoughts??

[Image via WENN.]

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Dumbass! Levi Johnston Gets Too Close For Sandra Bullock's Comfort

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This dumbass has to be the most delusional MORON we've heard of in a long time!

Douchebag Levi Johnston apparently thought that it would be appropriate to follow Sandra Bullock around the Teen Choice Awards on Sunday night because in his mind, he thought he has a shot with her!

UGH! WTF?

A source confirms:

"All night long Levi was trying to get close to Sandra. He desperately wanted to get his picture taken with Sandra hoping it would show up on the cover of a magazine or at least be able to meet her in person and give America's sweetheart his phone number. Sandra was having none of it, telling everyone, 'get him away from me.'"

Insiders claim that after he finally took the hint, Levi continued to hit up at least three other unnamed female celebrities, all of whom turned him down!

Another source confirms:

"Levi's fifteen minutes are definitely up but it seems no one has told him that yet. After what he did to Bristol recently he has gone from being a bad joke to just a bad guy. No one wants to be seen hanging out with him, and leaving everyone to scratch their heads asking how he actually got invited to Teen Choice to begin with."

If he weren't such a dick, we'd actually feel sorry for how pathetic that whole song and dance must have been!

You are DONE, bb. Go back to Alaska and RAISE YOUR KID. Or is it kids yet?

Actually, we take that back. They're better off without you!

[Image via WENN.]

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