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Michelle Kwan Tied The Knot!

Filed under: PolitikLove LineOlympics

michelle kwan marries clay pell

This just sounds TOO lovely!

Michelle Kwan took a break from being a two-time Olympic medalist and nine-time nation championship, five-time world winning figure skater this weekend for a much more romantic role - blushing bride!

The athlete reportedly married 31-year-old Clay Pell, a director for strategic planning on the White House national security staff, yesterday afternoon at the First Unitarian Church in Providence, R.I.!

Apparently, the groom is also

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Volunteers Too Fat To Join Army!

Filed under: FitnessFast FoodObese

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Obesity is now the leading reason for a potential army volunteer to be turned away from service.

Over 1,600 soldiers have been kicked out of the army this year alone due to being overweight.

Maybe it has something to do with the ban on fast food joints on military bases being lifted…

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Photos of Osama's Death Could Be Released To The Public

Filed under: Legal MattersPolitik

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Reportedly, the CIA has at least 52 gruesome photos as well as recordings of Osama bin Laden's death.

And now, all of that may be available for public viewing.

After Osama's death, Judicial Watch brought a lawsuit demanding the release of the pics due to the Freedom of Information Act. Former director of the Justice Department, Dan Metcalfe, echoes this, stating that there are some parts of the records the government is "legally required to disclose"

The CIA believes

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Six Year Old Trespasses Onto White House Lawn

Filed under: Silly!Politik

White House Six Year Old

Thin is in. Literally!

A six year old girl found herself skinny enough to be able to slip through the White House fence and into the property.

From that point, she just hopped all around the lawn until secret service could catch her.

The girl was quickly returned to her parents. No interrogation found necessary.

Damn girl! Do you know how much you just affected national security?

JK! Well, we hope so, anyways….

[Image via AP Images.]

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WTF? Mark Ruffalo On Terror Advisory List?

Filed under: Tacky & TrueMark Ruffalo

mark ruffalo placed on terror advisory list

We're sorry, but we seriously doubt that Mark Ruffalo is a threat to our national security. The guy was in 13 Going On 30!

Looks like Ruffalo has been allegedly placed on the United States terror advisory list after he arranged screenings of a new documentary, GasLand, which is all about natural gas drilling.

Fortunately, he seems to be keeping a positive attitude about the whole thing. Apparently, he told GQ that he think it's "pretty f**kin' funny."

We've got your back, Mark! We know you're not a threat in any way, shape, or form.

…Plus, you were totally adorbs in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind!

Thoughts???

[Image via WENN.]

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Spencer Pratt Is Ready To Water Board Cyber Terrorists In The Name Of America!

Filed under: Icky Icky PooTV NewsPolitikSpencer Pratt

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Ugh.

Spencer Pratt is apparently ready to contribute something 'significant' to society, which in his mind means becoming the real life Jack Bauer and keeping our country safe - by pitching a reality show to the National Security Agency and Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency called Cyber Spies!

Yeah, we know.

He says:

"They kicked me off 'The Hills' because they say I'm too angry, but really I was just angry that I was doing nothing on 'The Hills' and doing nothing to contribute to our free and open society of America. My friends had medical marijuana issues, so I was always worried about secondhand smoke, so I thought, 'Oh my gosh, I'm never going to be the director of the CIA,' but now I hear they recently changed that policy, and I think that they may have done that just so people like me who had friends in high places could still fit into the politics of the intelligence community. I was the biggest fan of '24' but there was such fakeness; I don't believe any American agent would chop off anybody's head. Waterboarding would do the trick."

We honestly don't even know where to begin.

Spencer, how about you lay off all of that 'secondhand' smoke?

Or better yet, go hot box yourself in it until you're too blaaazed to speak! Then you can be Jack Bauer in your mind all day long!

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