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LiLo Saying HELL NO To Conservatorship!

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She's ain't Britney, bitch! (That's for damn sure!)

News has reached Lindsay Lohan's room at the Betty Ford clinic that there are those looking to file for a conservatorship over her life. So far, the three contestants are her business manager, her mother Dina Lohan and her oh-so-awful douchey father Michael Lohan.

Sources close to Lindsay in rehab say that the recovering coke fiend is telling people that she will fight like hell to keep that from happening. No matter who it is, she has pledged to personally go to court and fight back against the ruling.

Wow! You mean she actually wants to take some responsibility for her actions? We would have thought that she would have loved a person to rein all the blame on the next time she screws up. (And rest assured, there will be a next time.)

What say you to all this, Dina Lohan? We'd ask you, Michael, but we know sooner or later you'll tells us anyway.

[Image via WENN.]

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Lindsay's Mom Attempting Conservatorship, Claims Estranged Father Michael Lohan

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Damn it! A conservatorship, really? Haven't the two of you done enough damage?!

Lindsay Lohan's latest stint in the slammer didn't just reopen the flood gates for scrutiny. It also provided her father Michael Lohan more ammo to keep talking! (Thanks a lot!)

Today's deranged topic is Dina Lohan allegedly seeking a conservatorship over her daughter, similar to what Papa Spears and Brit-Brit have going on. Dina, as well as Lindsay's business manager Lou Taylor, would be given control over LiLo's finances and her over all well being. She's certinaly done a bang up job so far!

Calling Dina out on her devise "plot", Michael is suggesting that his ex-wife is adamant about getting LiLo into a rehab not so she will get better, but in the hopes that she might be able to secure the rights to a conservatorship while LiLo's in there!

And Michael is jealous he didn't think of this first! He explained to sources:

"I never wanted to get control of her finances. I wanted a conservatorship for her so that I could weed out the bad people in her life. The way Dina and Lou want to do it is to get a conservatorship, line up a bunch of projects for Lindsay when she gets out of rehab, make a lot of money off of them so they can control it and make their due."

And exactly what would you do differently, douche bag?! Don't give us that crap about you care, because we know you don't. Your whole spiel is getting so old!

But then again, we IMPLORE the honorable judges of Los Angeles County NOT to give either parental unit control of LiLo's life like this. It would a huge mistake, to say the least!

Just send her to rehab and lets see what happens!

[Image via WENN.]

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Lindsanity NOT Doing Saturday Night Live!

Filed under: TV NewsLindsay LohanDina Lohan

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Ouch!

Sorry, Lindsanity! No dice!

According to NBC sources, the hard-pAArtying wacktress will NOT be hosting Saturday Night Live on December 4th!

An insider says:

"It's not true."

We guess all that buzz Orange Oprah tried to generate for your return to 'greatness' just collapsed upon itself!

[Image via WENN.]

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Orange Oprah ALREADY Responds To Judge's Comments Regarding Lindsanity!

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Wow! Orange Oprah, we are impressed!

You've responded in RECORD timing!

The famewhoring mother of the century has already released a statement regarding the comment Judge Damian Murray made during Snooki Snickers' trial where he called the Jersey Shore star a "wannabe Lindsay Lohan."

Dina says:

"The family is very disappointed that a judge would say that in a court of law."

And we imagine Murray would respond to that with, "And the law is very disappointed that you'd exploit and ruin your daughter to the point where her constant trainwreck status has become a reference point for other drunks."

LOLs!

We don't know about you, but we are loving all of these FIERCE judges telling people what's what!

Keep up the good work, bbs!

[Image via WENN.]

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Los Angeles To Become A Lot Douchier!

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UGH.

Just like an extra-persistent, pesky famewhoring cockroach that refuses to die, Michael Lohan has officially descended upon Los Angeles to stalk and harass his daughter Lindsay!

And because fate is unrelentingly cruel on occasion, he has revealed that he plans to terrorize the west coast permanently!

In true Lohan fashion, Michael has chosen to speak to the press instead of worrying himself with where he's going to live, and he took the opportunity to explain that although his daughter doesn't want to see him right now, he feels that as she goes through outpatient rehab, that attitude could change!

And it wouldn't be an interview without him taking a dig at Orange Oprah!

He says:

"If wedges hadn't been put between us and people didn't use children as pawns, a lot of the problems suffered by children wouldn't happen."

Or maybe if you didn't whore your children out, exploit their lives for personal gain, and be an all around abusive monster, a lot of problems suffered by children wouldn't happen, either!

Just saying!

[Image via WENN.]

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LOLhan's Naked Almost The Whole Time In Machete!

Filed under: Lindsay LohanFilm Flickers

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What an inspiring and nuanced return to cinematic greatness!

Although not much has been revealed about Lindsanity LOLhan's role in Robert Rodriguez's Machete - her first film since the direct-to-ABC Family Labor Pains - a tipster recently revealed that the hard-pAArtying wacktress truly sinks her teeth into an extremely significant role!

They write:

I saw Machete. It's really well-executed exploitation… but Lindsay is barely in it. She's nude almost the whole time (except for the "nun with a gun" scene), and she has a videotaped ménage à trois with her mother (not Dina) and Danny Trejo in a pool. Her father pulls her out of a drug den type situation and confesses (to priest Cheech Marin) to lustful thoughts about his daughter. "i just wish she'd look at me as more of a man." I don't know if the small role was tailored to her… But. Yeah.

Ha! Amazing!

It must have been difficult to inhabit such a deeply layered and complex role!

Or, you know, she should probably just skip playing a porn star in Inferno and segue straight over into the real thing!

LOLs!

Thoughts??

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Michael Lohan Keeps Yapping!

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He knows no other way to live than to continuously yammer on about Lindsanity.

It's really very irritating.

Coming off the news that his daughter may leave rehab as early as this coming week, Michael Lohan scrambled to the phone to line up a slew of interviews to give his two cents on the matter. Somehow, during one of his interviews, the gears shifted in Orange Oprah bashing mode and he decided to go after Dina and her parenting skills.

During her heartfelt interview with Matt Lauer on The Today Show, Dina explained that she had plans to move Lindsay out of Hollywood and back to New York. Michael seems to feel that won't do any good, if Dina is the only parent around. He says:

"Dina says that Lindsay is coming back to New York after rehab. The funny part is, every time Lindsay comes back to New York, she doesn't stay at the house like she should. She stays in hotels in the city, and that gets her in trouble. She (needs) a clean house to get away from all the people. She can't go to the same places she used to go to. She can't do the same things and go out and party at night. She's gotta change her life completely… (Lindsay might) come back (to New York) for a little while, but she'll get back out there (Los Angeles) again. She needs to get away from everything… I'd like to see Lindsay step out of Hollywood. I'd like to see her get her life back, then decide what she wants to do."

We agree with him on one thing: Lindsay needs to get away from everything.

Staring with YOU, Mike!

[Image via WENN.]

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