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LOLhan's Naked Almost The Whole Time In Machete!

Filed under: Lindsay LohanFilm Flickers


What an inspiring and nuanced return to cinematic greatness!

Although not much has been revealed about Lindsanity LOLhan's role in Robert Rodriguez's Machete - her first film since the direct-to-ABC Family Labor Pains - a tipster recently revealed that the hard-pAArtying wacktress truly sinks her teeth into an extremely significant role!

They write:

I saw Machete. It's really well-executed exploitation… but Lindsay is barely in it. She's nude almost the whole time (except for the "nun with a gun" scene), and she has a videotaped ménage à trois with her mother (not Dina) and Danny Trejo in a pool. Her father pulls her out of a drug den type situation and confesses (to priest Cheech Marin) to lustful thoughts about his daughter. "i just wish she'd look at me as more of a man." I don't know if the small role was tailored to her… But. Yeah.

Ha! Amazing!

It must have been difficult to inhabit such a deeply layered and complex role!

Or, you know, she should probably just skip playing a porn star in Inferno and segue straight over into the real thing!



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Michael Lohan Keeps Yapping!


He knows no other way to live than to continuously yammer on about Lindsanity.

It's really very irritating.

Coming off the news that his daughter may leave rehab as early as this coming week, Michael Lohan scrambled to the phone to line up a slew of interviews to give his two cents on the matter. Somehow, during one of his interviews, the gears shifted in Orange Oprah bashing mode and he decided to go after Dina and her parenting skills.

During her heartfelt interview with Matt Lauer on The Today Show, Dina explained that she had plans to move Lindsay out of Hollywood and back to New York. Michael seems to feel that won't do any good, if Dina is the only parent around. He says:

"Dina says that Lindsay is coming back to New York after rehab. The funny part is, every time Lindsay comes back to New York, she doesn't stay at the house like she should. She stays in hotels in the city, and that gets her in trouble. She (needs) a clean house to get away from all the people. She can't go to the same places she used to go to. She can't do the same things and go out and party at night. She's gotta change her life completely… (Lindsay might) come back (to New York) for a little while, but she'll get back out there (Los Angeles) again. She needs to get away from everything… I'd like to see Lindsay step out of Hollywood. I'd like to see her get her life back, then decide what she wants to do."

We agree with him on one thing: Lindsay needs to get away from everything.

Staring with YOU, Mike!

[Image via WENN.]

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Papa Lohan Fires Back At Orange Oprah: "You Go To Rehab!"

Filed under: DrugsDina LohanMichael Lohan


Dina Lohan was on The Today Show this morning and it took Michael Lohan all but a few hours to respond to her crazy!

It's always really hard to listen to one of these poor excuses for parental units criticize the other, but when they do, we think it really gives a glimpse into how Lindsay got so messed up!

After her interview this morning, Michael basically called Dina an outright liar and suggested that maybe she should go to rehab for her "denial, lies and other 'things." He called her out on lying about just about everything, from how long they were separated to how her family has deep Hollywood roots.

Then, he brings the focus back to him, which is really the only reason he is bothering to comment on her interview, repeating that he feels that the family needs to go to group therapy together, but that Dina "won't" hear of it. Michael claims:

"It's all about money and controlling Lindsay and my kids to Dina, when she has failed miserably and it should be about our children's well-being. Dina and I caused this and WE need to fix it (AS PARENTS). It's sad that Dina would continue on this course."

We don't doubt that for a minute…we just could say exactly the same thing about you. And then some!

Finally, Michael backtracks from his original pleas to get Lindsay into a rehab treatment center to insist that her stint at UCLA won't do her any good.

Maybe your right, but any time she spends away from you and Dina is just fine by us!

[Image via WENN.]

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Orange Oprah Continues To Exploit Lindsanity!

Filed under: Icky Icky PooTV NewsDina Lohan


We knew she was just biding her time, waiting for the most financially feasible means to exploit her daughter!


Disgusting enabler and famewhore Dina Lohan will be making an appearance on the Today Show tomorrow morning to give an exclusive interview to Matt Lauer about her daughter Lindsanity's time in jail and current stint in rehab!

We're sure it will be all the same - whining and bitching about unfair treatment and delusional claims that Lindsay is just fine!

Maybe this, with her treatment, will prove to Lindsay just how toxic her family - who are intrinsically supposed to love her - are in her life!

[Image via WENN.]

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Lindsay Lohan's Assistant Loves Her!


Oh, boy.

Lindsay Lohan's assistant Eleonore says that she loves Lindsay and her fucked up family!

"I love Dina and Ali and Lindsay with all my heart. I never told anyone I was unhappy. I want to help the Lohans while Lindsay is recovering," Eleonore said.

Really?! Because we think that must be the worst job ever!

Eleonore adds:

"I love my job. They are like my family. I have never said one bad thing about the Lohans. I don't know if someone wants to punish the family but I would never do anything to hurt them. Why would I complain? I'm not working full-time right now and they are giving me work. Why wouldn't I help them?"

Sounds like someone has been brainwashed by the almighty Orange Oprah!

[Image via Buzz Foto.]

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