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Papa Lohan Fires Back At Orange Oprah: "You Go To Rehab!"

Filed under: DrugsDina LohanMichael Lohan

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Dina Lohan was on The Today Show this morning and it took Michael Lohan all but a few hours to respond to her crazy!

It's always really hard to listen to one of these poor excuses for parental units criticize the other, but when they do, we think it really gives a glimpse into how Lindsay got so messed up!

After her interview this morning, Michael basically called Dina an outright liar and suggested that maybe she should go to rehab for her "denial, lies and other 'things." He called her out on lying about just about everything, from how long they were separated to how her family has deep Hollywood roots.

Then, he brings the focus back to him, which is really the only reason he is bothering to comment on her interview, repeating that he feels that the family needs to go to group therapy together, but that Dina "won't" hear of it. Michael claims:

"It's all about money and controlling Lindsay and my kids to Dina, when she has failed miserably and it should be about our children's well-being. Dina and I caused this and WE need to fix it (AS PARENTS). It's sad that Dina would continue on this course."

We don't doubt that for a minute…we just could say exactly the same thing about you. And then some!

Finally, Michael backtracks from his original pleas to get Lindsay into a rehab treatment center to insist that her stint at UCLA won't do her any good.

Maybe your right, but any time she spends away from you and Dina is just fine by us!

[Image via WENN.]

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Orange Oprah Continues To Exploit Lindsanity!

Filed under: Icky Icky PooTV NewsDina Lohan

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We knew she was just biding her time, waiting for the most financially feasible means to exploit her daughter!

Deplorable!

Disgusting enabler and famewhore Dina Lohan will be making an appearance on the Today Show tomorrow morning to give an exclusive interview to Matt Lauer about her daughter Lindsanity's time in jail and current stint in rehab!

We're sure it will be all the same - whining and bitching about unfair treatment and delusional claims that Lindsay is just fine!

Maybe this, with her treatment, will prove to Lindsay just how toxic her family - who are intrinsically supposed to love her - are in her life!

[Image via WENN.]

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Lindsay Lohan's Assistant Loves Her!

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Oh, boy.

Lindsay Lohan's assistant Eleonore says that she loves Lindsay and her fucked up family!

"I love Dina and Ali and Lindsay with all my heart. I never told anyone I was unhappy. I want to help the Lohans while Lindsay is recovering," Eleonore said.

Really?! Because we think that must be the worst job ever!

Eleonore adds:

"I love my job. They are like my family. I have never said one bad thing about the Lohans. I don't know if someone wants to punish the family but I would never do anything to hurt them. Why would I complain? I'm not working full-time right now and they are giving me work. Why wouldn't I help them?"

Sounds like someone has been brainwashed by the almighty Orange Oprah!

[Image via Buzz Foto.]

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Lindsanity's Assistant Still Has The Worst Job Ever

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Well of course. They've been whoring up to her success for years - why wouldn't they use her assistant?!

Although Lindsanity LOLhan is very busy getting wrung out in rehab, her famewhoring mother Orange Oprah and little Aliana are being super helpful to gurlfriend's assistant, Eleanore, by making sure she stays employed while her real boss it out of commission!

Sources claim that the indentured servant is "miserable" and "incredibly worn out" - more so than with Lindsanity - because Dina "goes on about nothing for days" and is hellbent on auctioning off all the clothes that her daughter hoarded until Neicy Nash came and saved the day!

Poor Eleanore!

We're sure her main responsibilities with Lindsay were to be on hand to peel her off the ground and make sure she left the house only somewhat, and not completely, smashed, and now she has to do Orange Oprah's bidding?!

We'd rather spend our days cleaning Xenu poops out of Suri Cruise's diaper than be at that woman's constant beck and call!

[Image via WENN.]

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LiLo Gets A Visit From Rehab

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Last night, after Dina Lohan lulled Aliana to sleep with a lullaby and a Ambien laced Carvel Flying Saucer, she called her driver to take her over to UCLA to visit her other daughter, Lindsanity.

The photogs caught up with Orange Oprah just as she pulled up to the medical center.

It's nice to see Lindsay has the support of her family at a time like this.

We're sure it really helps when her mom comes to visit and gives her some support.

Now, let's just make sure daddy Lohan stays far, far away.

[Image via Ramey Pix.]

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Lindsanity Does Maxim!

Filed under: Lindsay LohanDrugsLegal MattersDina LohanSad Sad

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That's right, gurl! Thumbing your nose at the legal system, living in a delusional world where you're never responsible for any of your cokey actions - just "another year in a lifetime of living and learning."

We think learn is the LAST thing you've done, bb!

A week before she was sentenced to jail, Lindsanity did a photospread and interview for Maxim Magazine, and we think that the sylist must have a great sense of humor - because he or she dressed the hard-pAArtying wacktress in black and white stripes!

And because it's been two weeks without any direct, methed out delusional quotables from our little Lindsanity, hopefully these little gems will help hold everyone over until she's out of rehab!

On Orange Oprah:

"I am feeling strong. I’ve experienced a lot in my life, and my mom has given me a lot of drugs faith. This too shall pass."

On what she'll be up to when she's not pAArtying post-prison:

"To focus on myself and my work and to move all press on me to focus on the work I do. Also, I’d like to do more work in India and travel to Malawi."

On her imaginary upcoming movie Inferno:

"I don't really want to discuss anything until I am on set. I need some secrets."

Her coked out advice for fans:

"Stay true to yourself always. At the end of the day, you have to look at yourself in the mirror and be content with the choices you’ve made, and will make, in your life. Go with your gut!"

We bet Lindsay's first post-rehab choice will be to wash down six ambien with a bottle of Cuervo!

Such an inspiration to us all!

LOLs!

Thoughts??

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Orange Oprah Speaks!

Filed under: Lindsay LohanDina Lohan

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Under the cover of darkness last night, Lindsanity was swept away from her cell in Lynwood prison to be relocated to a place where she actually might get some help - rehab!

Dina Lohan waited the respectful 12 hours before she started fame-whoring speaking with the press about her brief reunion with her daughter. Orange Oprah explained:

"I was finally able to hug my daughter [last night] after two long weeks of speaking to her from behind a glass wall. Lindsay is doing well, and is appreciative of the hundreds of well-wishers she has received."

There are hundreds??? Wow! (And also, WHY???)

Dina was asked to comment on the rumor that she and the entire Lohan family was angry with the last minute change of rehab venue, but she insisted that wasn't the case. She said she was happy her daughter was with the "utmost professionals" and in "very good hands."

Certainly in better care than she has been for the last 24 years.

Just saying!

[Image via WENN.]

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