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Donald Trump Tries To Hide The Lack Of A-Listers At His Inauguration By Promising 'Soft Sensuality' Instead — And Twitter Can't Stop Laughing!

Filed under: PolitikDonald TrumpSexViral: NewsPatton Oswalt

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Um. What?

Donald Trump is clearly very insecure about the fact that he can't seem to land an A-list performer for his inauguration — even Moby won't do it — and is now trying to change his tune.

After a desperate and failed search for a celeb performer, the racist Republican's team even began pretending he never actually wanted a star-studded bash!

Video: Wendy Williams Weighs In On Donald & Meryl Streep's Feud!

As if that wasn't transparent enough, inauguration planner Tom Barrack's word choice while addressing pool reporters on Tuesday didn't help the situation.

He said:

"So what we've done instead of trying to surround him with what people consider A-listers is we are going to surround him with the soft sensuality of the place. It's a much more poetic cadence than having a circus-like celebration that's a coronation. That's the way this president-elect wanted it."

Translation: No one wanted to throw Donald Trump a big party, so now he's trying to convince everyone he never wanted one in the first place.

Also, what the f*ck does he mean by "soft sensuality"?! It's a swearing in ceremony. It's literally the day the 70-year-old becomes President of the United States.

What on earth is SENSUAL about that?!

Well, we aren't the only ones confused by the inneresting description! The Twitterverse had a f*cking field day!

Ch-ch-check out some of the best reactions (below)!

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Patton Oswalt Says He'll Never Be The Same After Finding His Beloved Wife Dead & Reveals Michelle McNamara May Have Accidentally Overdosed

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Patton Oswalt Says He'll Never Be The Same After Finding His Beloved Wife Dead & Reveals Michelle McNamara May Have Accidentally Overdosed

Filed under: DrugsR.I.P.Love LineSad SadMental HealthDepressionPatton Oswalt

Patton Oswalt and Michelle McNamara

As you know, Patton Oswalt's wife Michelle McNamara passed away suddenly in April, and he still struggles to cope with the devastating loss.

Speaking with The Times, the stand-up comedian recounted the heartbreaking morning he found the true crime author had died in her sleep — a day he says was the "the second worst day of his life," the first being when he had to tell the couple's seven-year-old daughter, Alice, that her mother had passed.

Oswalt recalled telling his wife — who had been working long hours investigating "The Golden State Killer" — to "sleep until you wake up." So, McNamara took some Xanax and went to bed.

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Patton Oswalt Gets Real About How Much Life 'Sucks' After His Wife's Sudden Passing On Conan — Watch!

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Since losing his wife, Patton Oswalt's life has become something like a "sitcom"… except no one is laughing.

The comedian stopped by Monday's Conan and opened up about life months after the sudden passing of wife Michelle McNamara, who died in her sleep in April.

Video: Patton Gives Shoutout To Late Wife While Accepting Emmy

Now a single father, the Emmy-winner explained:

"I'm like every bad '80s sitcom where there's a dad raising a kid by himself… Except my '80s sitcom sucks. There's no punch lines. There's a lot of insomnia, there's a lot of me eating Cheetos for dinner. I'm waiting for my daughter to turn to the camera and go: No wonder I'm in therapy."

While the 47-year-old managed to make the crowd laugh with his bittersweet story, it's clear he's so heartbroken over the tragic loss.

Ch-ch-check out the clip (below):

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Patton Oswalt's Heartbreaking Tribute To His Late Wife Backstage At The 2016 Emmys Will Leave You In Tears

Filed under: R.I.P.AwardzSad SadEmmysNetflixPatton Oswalt

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As you probably know, actor and comedian Patton Oswalt tragically lost his wife, Michelle McNamara, back in April and has understandably been going through a very difficult time since.

Well on Sunday night, the 47-year-old ended up taking home the Emmy for Outstanding Writing For A Variety Special and during his acceptance speech, Patton made sure to give a shoutout to his daughter as well as a nod to his late wife.

Related: Sound Of Music Star Charmian Carr Dies At 73!

Though the standup comic didn't explicitly name Michelle during his speech, he did open up about his late wife backstage as he heartbreakingly admitted:

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Patton Oswalt Gives A Shoutout To His Daughter & Late Wife While Accepting The Emmy For Outstanding Writing For A Variety Special

Filed under: TV NewsR.I.P.Love LineEmmysFamilyCeleb KidzHeartwarming

Patton Oswalt just made us tear up.

On Sunday, the comedian received the Emmy for Outstanding Writing For A Variety Special, for his Netflix standup special Patton Oswalt: Talking For Clapping.

The 47-year-old beat out Amy Schumer, John Mulaney, Tig Notaro, and the comedians behind Triumph's Election Special 2016.

In fact, the funny man genuinely didn't think he had a shot at taking home the trophy, admitting:

"I didn't prepare a speech. I didn't think I was going to win."

But, even though his speech was off-the-cuff, the United States of Tara alum melted our hearts when he gave the sweetest shoutout to his 7-year-old little girl and his late wife, Michelle McNamara, who suddenly passed away earlier this year:

"I want to thank two people, my daughter, Alice, who is waiting at home, and the other, who is waiting somewhere else."

Watch the tender moment (above).

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Martin Shkreli Tries To Troll Patton Oswalt On Twitter… And Gets Totally SCHOOLED!

Filed under: Celebrity FeudsMedicineKevin JamesFunny

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Big pharma. Little brain.

Martin Shkreli has been public enemy No. 1 for about a year now, but we didn't think it was possible for him to sink any lower than when he criminally raised the price of AIDS drug, Daraprim.

However, he proved us wrong on Monday by attempting to troll the Internet's favorite comedian — Patton Oswalt.

Related: Shkreli & Ellie Goulding's Strange Twitter Feud Explained

Interestingly enough, this feud doesn't just simply exist between Patton and Martin… because Donald Trump, Stephen Colbert, and even Kevin James are all involved as well!

It all started at around 3 p.m. EST on Labor Day when the comedian began making fun of the trending hashtag, #TrumpCantSwim, saying:

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