On the first day of Christmas, pop culture gave to us…
…one big, glorious Orlando Bloom penis!
It was a day like any other, and then, completely out of nowhere, like an unexpected gift falling into your lap, there was peen.
And not just any peen, but Orlando Bloom peen. A peen that has been happily welcomed inside Miranda Kerr and Katy Perry; a peen that has been a pirate and a wood elf; a peen that perfectly preened on a paddle board one hot summer day in Sardinia.
We don't know why Orly chose to make his schlong so pubic, uh, we mean public, but we're not mad or anything.
If his dong is more comfortable in its birthday suit, then by all means, let that wiener go wild!
See it in all its uncensored, uncut beauty (below)!
Tags: completely gratuitous, katy perry, miranda kerr, orlando bloom, peen, yummy yummy screw