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BREAKING POPE NEWS: Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio Officially Becomes Pope Francis!

Filed under: Etc.Politik

pope new jorge mario bergoglio argentina conclave chosen cardinal

What's new, Buenos Aires!!!

People in Argentina must be going NUTSO right now, or at least those in Argentina that are still into Catholicism, because the newest, fabbest, raddest Pope has just been chosen: Cardinal Woody Allen Jorge Mario Bergoglio! Now AKA Pope Francis!

He's a 76 year old Jesuit, and also the first official Hipster Pope (above) — he's been talkin' to God since before it was cool! LOLz! He's also the first pope from outside Europe in more than 1000 years!!

It took him over and hour to put on his robes and do whatever it is they do in between being chosen and stepping out on the balcony (Take a shower? Take a phone call from the Man Upstairs?), but once he did, the crowd went wild!

We're kinda surprised there weren't fireworks and stuff. We mean, we guess that could kind of be sacrilegious, but this is 2013 — why not liven this baby up a bit!

Oh well… Here's hoping that the new Pope is progressive, not regressive!

Congrats, Jorge! Big job!

In other news, Dennis Rodman was wrong! Whomp whomp!

[Image via AP Images.]

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