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Oh Em Goop! Jay-Z Gets His Own Rich People 'Life Style' Site, Too!

Filed under: Icky Icky PooSilly!Gwyneth PaltrowJay Z

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Ha! Straight outta Compton, indeed!

Apparently, we've somehow slithered into some freakish, WASPy Twilight Zone-esque subreality, because Jay-Z has actually launched his own 'lifestyle' website, called LifeandTimes.com, and naturally, the only true way to properly be inducted into the 'Rich and Famous People Congratulating Themselves On Being Rich and Famous Via Lifestyle Website' club is to be interviewed by the GOOP queen herself, Gwyneth Paltrow!

And yes, that is exactly what happened. And it's just as horrifying and pretentious AMAZING as we could have dreamed!

Here are some ACTUAL HIGHlights:

Jay-Z:

I started working on it in its various incarnations over a year ago. I've thought about it forever. You know how it works, seeing other sites and being either inspired or saying, 'That's shit. I would do it like … '"

Gwyneth:

As someone who has walked through museums with you, eaten with you, heard music with you, I know firsthand how creativity in all areas lifts your consciousness. Do you feel that as a cultural figure of importance it is part of your responsibility to share what inspires you?

Jay-Z:

I think it's every human's job to inspire others, to feed one another's senses. Inspiration begets inspiration times infinity. Imagine if the person that was inspired to create the phonograph didn't share it with the world.

Yeah. Wow.

You'd think that such talented and creative people would be a little more aware of how blatantly and pretentiously their stroking each other's egos for the rest of the peasants world to see!

We know, we know! We must be faaaar too plebeian to understand the intricacies and self-realized wisdom that permeates our laptop screens everytime we click to GOOP - and now, LifeandTimes!

Thank goodness we all have them in our lives to truly TEACH us how it means to live! LOLz!

We're messing around, guys! But seriously - this is all waaaay a little too smug!

You're both great, you don't need to jerk each other's egos off any more!

[Images via WENN.]

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GOOPY Gwyneth Gets A Scooter!

Filed under: Etc.Gwyneth Paltrow

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She would.

Gwyneth Paltrow decided to embrace her inner pretentious hipster, so she went and bought herself a scooter!

The pain in the ass actress was snapped driving herself around on it all over Londontown!

We're sure she'll be updating GOOP any day now, talking about the refined benefits of such a vehicle in comparison to a car!

BLECK!

[Image via XposurePhotos.com.]

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Jordan Catalano Thinks He's Deep!

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Lame! And just when we thought he was getting somewhat tolerable!

Sir Pretentious Asshat himself, Jared Leto, is back!

The former Jordan Catalano and current 30 Seconds To Mars frontman decided that his shitty band name was just too complex for us regular folks to comprehend, so he was kind enough to clarify!

What a thoughtful douche dude!

He says:

"The significance is that it makes people ask questions more than giving answers. It accurately describes our music. It's a journey, it's a lifestyle. We are more an experience, a community, a celebration — than we are music. An escape from reality."

We feel sorry for anyone who sits around contemplating the significance of the name 30 Seconds To Mars!

Then again, no one probably does! Jared probably just gets off convincing himself that he's thought-provoking!

Sorry, bb! The only thing you provoke is our gag reflex!

[Image via WENN.]

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