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Python Emerges From Man's Toilet & Bites Him On The D*ck! THE NIGHTMARE IS REAL!!!

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That's okay, we never wanted to go to the bathroom again anyway…

A man is recovering in the hospital after being attacked by a python that swam up through the toilet he was using in his Thailand home!

The nightmarish bathroom incident continued as the 11-foot snake sank its fangs into Atthaporn Boonmakchuay's penis — and wouldn't let go!

Related: Man Arrested For Throwing Python At Customers In Sushi Restaurant!

According to reports, the man called for his wife to get a rope and was able to tie the monstrous reptile's head to the bathroom door. He managed to wrangle himself free before passing out from blood loss.

Now hospitalized, the man has full memory of the event — telling reporters he carefully unhinged the snake's jaws because he "did not want to risk permanent damage" to his own snake.

Rescue workers took apart the toilet and were able to set the python back into the wild alive — and we hope it stays the f*ck away from any more sewage pipes.

Ch-ch-check out the unsettling video of the workers trying to take the snake out of the toilet!

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Disney's Animal Kingdom Faces Lawsuit After Escaped Snake Scares Woman To Death

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An Alabama family's trip to Disney World turned from magical to horrible after a boy was bit by an escaped snake, which led to the death of his great-grandmother.

Back in October 2014, the family was in Disney's Animal Kingdom park when a snake dropped from a tree and bit the 8-year-old boy. After his great-grandmother saw the attack, she reportedly went into cardiac arrest and was sent to the hospital.

According to the family's attorney, Matt Morgan, the woman, in her late 80s, died two days after the boy was bitten.

Related: Man Charged With Murder After Backing Out Of Suicide Pact

On Thursday, Morgan said that they plan to sue the park for the injuries sustained by the boy, and for the wrongful death of the grandmother, trying to prove that:

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Chris Hemsworth Joins Instagram — Flashes His Long Snake! LOOK!

Chris is finally on Instagram!!

Hey everyone, check out Chris Hemsworth's snake!

Get your minds out of the gutter, people. We're talking the actual reptile!

The Australian actor joined Instagram on Monday to show off the selfie he got with the scary-long snake.

Photos: Celebrities First Ever Instagram Shots!

He casually captioned it:

"Hangin' with the locals in my backyard… the real Jurassic Park!"

Remind us to never go over to the Hemsworth household!

Even if the slithering creature is totally harmless, we hope the family stays safe, especially since he and his wife, Elsa, have two tots in the house.

But back to Chris, the 32-year-old looks pretty pleased with himself.

It sure beats his lil bro Liam's first IG post

[Image via Chris Hemsworth/Instagram.]

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Dancing With The Stars Gets Scary As Derek Hough Meets Bindi Irwin's Snake — And Kim Zolciak Tries To Do The Splits!!

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We're less than a week away from the premiere of Dancing With The Stars which means the stars and their partners are getting ready for the competition!

Part of that means that they to get to know each other a little bit better — whether they're ready or not!

Bindi Irwin introduced her partner, Derek Hough, to some of her animal friends, but when she draped a snake around the pro, he looked absolutely frozen — LOLz!

[ Video: Gary Busey & Paula Deen Do The Nae Nae In New Dancing With The Stars Promos! ]

Once he got back in the studio though, it was like he was home again — laughing and smiling with his dance partner in crime!

But it looks like Derek wasn't alone in being uncomfortable as another clip shows Kim Zolciak trying to do the splits — and it's about as HIGHlarious as you can imagine!

Don't worry Kim, you'll get there!

Ch-ch-check out the two promos (below) and let us know who you'll be cheering on when it premieres next Monday September 14 at 8pm on ABC!

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Yikes! An 8-Foot-Long King Cobra Is On The Loose In Florida!

Look out for that snake!

We're not sure how it's possible to lose an eight-foot-long snake, but it's happened, folks!

A massive male king cobra escaped from his home in Orlando, Florida yesterday, and there's still no sign of him!

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission said the gigantic reptile was reported missing on Wednesday, but no one has been able to track him down!

[ Video: This Duck Vine Is Destroying Miley & Kanye's VMAs Moments! ]

The scary part is that the snake's home isn't too far from a local elementary school!

However, officials said they were going to beef up patrol in the area, in order to protect any children walking to and from the building.

The school also did not hold outdoor recess on Thursday.

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90-Year-Old Tortoise Gets A Set Of Wheels After The Traumatic Loss Of Its Legs!

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What an inspirational story!

A 90-year-old Pembrokeshire tortoise named Mrs. T has been around for a long time, but recently the gentle creature went through the most traumatic experience of her life.

While the tortoise was hibernating in a garden shed, a rat gnawed off her two front legs. Awful!

[ Related: This Guy Walks His Pet Giant Tortoise Around Like A Dog! ]

Mrs. T's owner Jude Ryder got the tortoise the medical help it needed to survive for $1500 — but that didn't buy new legs.

Jude turned to her son Dale, who cleverly used the wheels from a toy plane to give Mrs. T the chance to move around again!

And the tortoise can now move faster than ever before! Jude said:

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This Guy Walks His Pet Giant Tortoise Around Like A Dog! That's A Long Walk!

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This is crazy! Crazy awesome!!

A man in Tokyo, Japan has been spotted walking his giant tortoise in and around the streets, and the African spurred tortoise seems to be quite comfortable in the concrete jungle.

Pretty cool considering the reptile is used to the southern Sahara desert.

[ Related: Man Caught Crossing Border With 51 Live Turtles In His Sweatpants! ]

But the Japanese pet owner walks the tortoise just like we walk our dog. Except, obvi he doesn't need a leash — not like it's going to run away!

Of course, these walks take a bit longer than walking a dog! LOLz!

Talk about a pet that requires patience!!!

[Image via Twitter.]

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