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Laura Dern Asks Ben Harper For Divorce… And A Whole Lot Of Cash

Filed under: Love LineSad Sad

Laura Dern Ben Harper And Kids

She loves him! / He loves her not! / He loves her! / She wants a divorce, custody of the children, child support, and alimony!

Musician Ben Harper and actress Laura Dern's marriage has more plot twists than an a daytime soap opera!

Way back in 2010, the singer-songwriter filed divorce paperwork seeking custody of their two children!

But apparently Harper kept on stealing his kisses from Laura because the couple eventually reconciled!

Now she's the one calling it quits!!

The Jurassic Park star is evidently tired of sticking her hand into two-ton piles of triceratops poo Ben's shenanigans because she wants him to hit the road and leave his checkbook at the door!!

We just hope they remember there are kids involved before this gets too messy!

[Image via FayesVision/WENN.]

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Another Monster Mashing?? 'Vampire' Attacks San Diego Homeless Man!

Filed under: Wacky, Tacky & TrueSad Sad

Peter Facinelli Vampire Attack San Diego

As if the homeless didn’t have enough on their plates!!

Hmmm. Technically most are malnourished so they probably don’t have enough on their plates. Or, you know, own dishware in the first place, but we digress…

A faux vampire attacked a member of San Diego’s homeless community Monday, kicking him in the head and the ribs.

Side note: Anyone worried about the mysterious assailant with "vampire teeth" might want to consider purchasing their very own vampire hunting kit — better safe than sorry!

Coming just days after

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Trace Cyrus And Brenda Song Take The Last Train To Splitsville

Filed under: Love LineMiley CyrusSad SadLiam Hemsworth

Trace Cyrus Brenda Song Call It Quits

Just as one wedding bell dings, another one cracks.

Sad face!!

Only days after Miley and Liam became engaged, Trace Cyrus and Brenda Song announce they are throwing in the towel.

The two became engaged last year but, citing his music and her acting as more important priorities, never set a wedding date.

It turns out they secretly broke up awhile ago!!

Trace said:

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Disney Crushes The Dreams Of A Crying 15 Year-Old Tinkerbell

Filed under: DisneySad Sad

If you believe in fairies, clap your hands! Don’t let her die!!

April Spielman is a 15 year-old girl who wanted nothing more than to dress up like Tinkerbell and have fun at Disneyland with her boyfriend.

We’ve all been there, gurl.

Sadly, Disney doesn’t permit patrons to wear adult-looking character costumes in their theme parks.

And for good reason!

No one needs a Jack Sparrow lookalike tricking innocent and unsuspecting youth into

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Charlie Sheen Still Parties Like The Vengaboys Song Was Written About Him

Filed under: Charlie SheenSad SadDr. Drew

Charlie Sheen Back To Partying

Surprise, surprise!

Reports keep surfacing that Charlie Sheen is rocking out with his metaphorical glock out around the clock at his Beverly Hills palace.

We know Goodtime Charlie is a notorious party animal but we seriously doubt anyone can maintain this type of lifestyle and a functioning liver for very long.

Dr. Drew is equally concerned. He said:

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River Phoenix Returns From The Grave In Haunting Film

Has it really been 20 years??

The film River Phoenix was three weeks away from completing when he overdosed and died outside of The Viper Room will soon see the light of day.

Dark Blood features Joaquin Phoenix's older brother as an unstable widower who lives near a nuclear testing site. The character is obsessed with carving Native American figurines because he believes only their magic properties can save him from Armageddon.

Wow.

This one sounds spooky enough without the tragic context surrounding its production.

With the help of

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World’s Nicest Man Fined $500 For His Generosity

Filed under: Wacky, Tacky & TrueSad Sad

Maya Angelou Does Not Approve Of Cleveland Police Tactics

This can’t be good.

Ohioan John Davis was ticketed yesterday for "littering" after a disabled begger dropped some of the cash John handed him.

What?! Is this some kind of sick joke?

A Cleveland police officer watched John reach out his car window and give a few bucks to the panhandler in a wheelchair, who accidentally dropped one of the dollars.

Instead of helping the guy pick up the money or, you know, going about his business preventing REAL crime, the cop decided to ticket John $500 for littering!

Most people drive right on by pretending not to notice fellow citizens in need John explains why he's different:

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