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Burglar Robs Wrong House But Takes Family's Guard Dog As A Consolation Prize

Filed under: Oops!Legal MattersPitbullFamilyScary!

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In East Wenatchee, Washington, a family's guard dog was stolen from their home after the family walked in on the burglar feeding their dog!

Here's what the police said:

"He was standing there with the refrigerator door open and feeding their dog some pudding."

Nice burglar?

When the family confronted the robber, whose name is Jason L. McDaniel, he told them he broke into their home because he thought someone who he planned to murder was there, but realized it was the wrong house.

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Lindsay Lohan BETTER Show Up To The Scary Movie 5 Premiere ON TIME! For Charlie Sheen!

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Producers aren't playing around with the Mr. Pink guzzling girl.

We knew she was set to attend but we've just learned that when it comes to the Scary Movie 5 premiere, Lindsay Lohan has apparently been told to BE ON THAT RED CARPET and ON TIME, with the rumored cost of her doing otherwise being another mark against her in the Hollywood For-Hire book.

Sources reveal the producers' anxiety, saying:

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Ashton Kutcher And Steve Jobs Are Actually The Same Person!

Filed under: Ashton KutcherFilm Flickers

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This… this is kinda pants-fillingly scary! Ha!

If you look at this split-pic of Ashton Kutcher and Steve Jobs, you would SWEAR that the left side was just an untouched version of the same pic.

At the same time, there's something about it that's undeniably Kutcher-esque… and then that's when the Jobs side of it starts to look like Ashton!

It's like a hidden image picture or something! LOLz!

Seriously though, we know there have been some rough critics out there but nobody is ripping jOBS apart because of the look — they're taking on the authenticity of it!

Still, we're intrigued enough to see it! How ’bout U??

[Image via Twitter.]

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John Waters Explains Hairspray 2 Plot, AKA The Reason Why It Won't Happen!

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John Waters wants you to know that he did indeed write an entire sequel to Hairspray, and to prove it he's dishing with a synopsis!

We have never seen someone put so much effort into not wanting something to get made — so if you DON'T want the sequel to your 1988/2007 movie/musical to ever get made, this is the plot you write for it. It's a fool-proof plan! LOLz!

Seriously, the term "jumping the shark" was coined for both shows that literally jump sharks and for sequels with SINGING ZITS.

And, don't get us wrong, we love Mr. Waters, but we have no idea if he's punkin' us on this one!

Here's how Waters explains it:

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Man Killed By Subway Train… While Trying To Poop Off Of It??

Filed under: Wacky, Tacky & TrueSad Sad

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This is equal parts sad, gross, and cray!

A man earlier this week was killed by a subway train, while a second man was injured nearby. They're unrelated except for their proximity, luckily. The man who died though, was trying to poop through the crack where two subway cars meet.

Need a moment for that to sink in? Take some time.

Okay, so there he was trying to pinch one off, and we all know it's never safe to even cross between cars, so he slipped and fell and was struck by the train. That's no way for anyone to go out, seriously.

The other man we mentioned was bloodied and had a broken pelvis — and he emerged from the tracks at the 125th Street station just before the fatal accident. He says he doesn't know what happened to him.

We wonder what's going on with this string of awful subway fatalities and injuries. Is it time to look into more safety precautions, or is it all just a coincidence??

Also, did this happen during the annual No Pants Subway Ride?? Ha!

[Image via AP Images.]

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Obama & Michelle Talk About Keeping It Hot And Sexy After All These Years!

Do you need some Presidential advice on keeping things fresh in the bedroom??

Don't fear! Barbara Walters is here to ask the super seksi questions that everyone else is afraid to ask! Seriously, who needs to know anything BUT the details of sex life of our Commander In Chief??

Obama responds on how he keeps the fire going:

"We've been married now twenty years, and like every marriage you have your ups and you have your downs, but if you work through the tough times the respect and love that you feel deepens."

So, like, role playing?

LOLz!!

Get it done, Presidential couple!! Check out the full question and response in the video (above)!!

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The Haunting In Connecticut 2 Has A Trailer AND A Ridic Title!

Seriously!

Have you guys seen the title for the sequel to The Haunting In Connecticut? It's nuts. It makes no sense. The only reason why they did it HAS to be brand recognition.

Are you ready?

It's The Haunting In Connecticut 2: Ghosts Of Georgia.

We aren't joking — it has NOTHING to do with Connecticut! Ha!

Anyway, it has a pretty spooOOOOoooOOOky trailer if you can get past the title (above)!! We're sure you can! Click play!

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