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John Mayer Wants Eva Longoria Too!

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Stay away, Eva, STAY AWAY!!

The last thing you need is serial dater John Mayer all up in your sexual napalm!

Although, unfortunately, he is certainly going to to try his hardest as friends say, he "is crazy about Eva," adding, "There is something about newly-divorced ladies that drives him nuts. He was the same way over Jessica [Simpson] when she left Nick [Lachey], and now he has his eye on Eva."

Good thing Eva knows better!

A friend of hers says, "No way is Eva thinking of another man right now. Mayer can send all the flowers in the world and even show up under her window with his guitar and it would make no difference. Eva wants some alone time. She is still heartbroken about her marriage falling apart."

Eva is getting a divorce from a CHEATING HUSBAND!! What makes him think she would want to get involved in the least monogamous guy ever?? Yeah, we didn't think so.

[Image via WENN.]

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Simpleton Has A New Man

Filed under: Jessica SimpsonZportzLove Line

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And thankfully, he no longer as a team she can hex!

Sources are reporting that Jessica Simpson is finally moving on with her love life. She has reportedly been seeing beefy Eric Johnson, the former San Francisco 49ers tight end.

Like Simpleton, Eric is damaged goods, having just split from his wife back in February. Rumor has it that Jessica and Eric have been seeing each other since May and are very "happy."

Let's hope this guy respects the sexual napalm more than some of her last beaus.

Keeping our fingers crossed for you, girl!

[Image via WENN.]

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Jessica Simpson: "Blah Blah Blah"

Filed under: Jessica SimpsonLove Line

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Jessica Simpson is all about having a positive attitude and boosting her self-esteem!

She recently spoke at New York's Operation Smile Annual Gala and told the audience:

"Trust me: I've been through it. I've had to travel from country to country but we can do it right here in America and find ourselves, believe in ourselves and be who we are. It's happening and I feel it. I think [30] is going to be a good year for me. I experienced a lot in my twenties – a lot more than a lot of people in their twenties would experience. I feel old in a lot of ways, but I feel naive in ways that I can't wait to see what happens next."

LOL what???

And as for her rocky romantic past, she says, "I can find love anywhere."

We bet you can, after being compared to sexual napalm!

You just keep doing what you do, Jess, whatever that is.

[Image via WENN.]

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The Simpleton Talks More About Her Desperation

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All right, Sexual Napalm, ENOUGH!

If you keep ranting on and on about wanting a relationship, all the good men are going to go running for the hills!

Jessica Simpson is STOOPIDLY wasting all of the press John Mayer got her with his asinine comments by sounding like a hack desperate for a man in her life!

Girlfriend said:

"I want a confident man. A man who understands me and can deal with my life and is not embarrassed of my life. And can support my life. And allow me to be a powerful woman. And allow me to be powerful in the relationship. I'm not going to give up my role in this life to just be a housewife. What is attractive to me about a man is a man’s spirituality. Just the way that he carries himself. I kind of like a rough man a little bit. A man's man."

UGH, JUST STOP.

It's seriously almost TOO sad.

At this point, Simpleton, you need to just settle for what you can get, or you'll end up even worse off than MANiston or Jennifer Love Hewitt!

Goodness, Mayer just sniffed you three peas in a pod right out, didn't he?

[Image via WENN.]

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Jessica Simpson Defends Gabourey Sidibe Against Howard Stern's Criticism!!

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Uh-oh!!

Watch out, Howard Stern!! Sexual napalm is coming for you next!!

Jessica Simpson is lashing out against Howard Stern's harsh critcism of Precious star Gabourey Sidibe's weight, and it KILLS us to admit this…but we agree with her!!

Simpson said:

"I'm actually surprised somebody had the cojones to say that. I just think that's really disrespectful. It's unfortunate because she walked the red carpet at the Oscars and she owned it. She was beautiful. There was no denying that she did not think she was the most beautiful person on that red carpet. She was just owning that moment for herself. She had such confidence and I absolutely 100 percent think she could get anything in the world that she wants."

Surprisingly well-spoken, Simpleton!!

We're taking your side on this one.

It would be one thing to express concern for someone's weight from a health standpoint, but we think Howard was not cool when talking about the Oscar nominee!!

And of course, as we all know, she's already proven his claim that she will not find anymore work WRONG!

We think Gabby's a breath of fresh air!!

[Image via WENN.]

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