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New Teasers Released For Charlie Sheen's Roast!

Filed under: TV NewsCharlie Sheen

More and more, we're thinking that Comedy Central is like six months late on this one!

Check out the new teasers (above) for the upcoming Roast of Charlie Sheen, which will air on Sept. 19.

These Sheenisms are amusing, but honestly it was a hell of a lot funnier when it was all unscripted.

It's kind of like Rebecca Black. She was WAY more entertaining when she didn't realize what she was doing.

What do U think? Still pumped for the Sheen roast? Or has Charlie's time passed???

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Here's What You Can Expect On The Charlie Sheen "Tour!"

Filed under: Charlie Sheen

charlie-sheen-tour-poster.jpg

Prepare your mind tools, all you people who bought out his shows in under 10 minutes. We've got some intel on what will actually be happening during the My Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option tour, hosted by none other than Charlie Sheen.

You're already got your tickets to the show, one of the people you really need to thank for your upcoming journey into the mind of Sheen is Live Nation executive and tour coproducer Joey Scoleri. Joey's working diligently to get this show off the ground next month and he's sharing with the world exactly what they can expect from the Vatican rock-star assassin during his shows. Joey explains:

"Charlie has definite ideas on what the show is going to be and it comes down to the fact that he is an entertainer, so it will be entertaining… First and foremost he's an actor and a performer and the funniest guy in America right now, so the show he is working on right now will be largely spoken word, but having heard some of the monologues he is working on right now, it goes from hysterically funny to dark to very thought provoking. He is a truth seeker, that's his thing Right now he wants people to hear the truth and see the truth and I think that's why he has been as open as he has been about his life. He's not a liar, I actually consider him the most honest man in America. Now, you may not agree with what you see, but he is being honest."

Yes, honesty is good…and honestly, we think he is NUTS! But hey, you all seem to love him, so we won't argue. What we will do is give you some more info on how this tour will play out. First, no two shows will be alike. As Charlie isn't having any writers working on this show, what each city will see is a fresh batch of Charlie on whatever whim he happens to be on.

With so much improvising, "audience participation" will be utilized and welcomed in the show, to some capacity. The show is expected to run no shorter than an hour and ten minutes, but whether it goes longer is entirely up to Charlie. As for what the format will be, Joey explains:

"There will be some multimedia, but largely just him and a microphone and he's going to talk, and having heard some of the stuff he is going to say, people are going to be pleasantly surprised. There will be some things that are shocking and provoking, but you're going to laugh…There will be some video presentation. There is so much content out there about Charlie Sheen that has been user-generated, fan-generated, media-generated. There is a ton of stuff that will help provide context for the show. We don't know exactly what it is yet, we're still working on it."

Sounds…strange fun.

Let's hope this turns out to be worth it for those people who shelled out all the money for it. We have faith that Charlie will bring his, um, unique sensibility for sure…we're not so sure he'll show up to begin with!

Just saying! One night, he's too tired or he gets over it and its all over! Just saying!

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Having Trouble Understanding Anything That Comes Out Of Charlie Sheen's Mouth?

Filed under: Silly!Charlie Sheen

charlie-sheen-dictionary.jpg

You're not alone. Others are right behind scratching their heads and pondering why #tigerblood continues to be a trending topic on Twitter.

Fear not. We're here to help.

Someone uber-smart put together a dictionary to better explain the adonis enigma that is Charlie Sheen and his "Sheenisms." We'd like to share a few of these gems now.

You've probably heard the phrase "winning" in conjunction with "bi-winning" a lot in the past few days. Now, you might think you know the meaning of the former, but just to clarify, let's consult the dictionary:

Winning

Definition: The end goal of Charlie Sheen’s life philosophy.

Usage: “The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning,” “Just winning every second,” “Winning, anyone?” “Duh, winning!”

Pronunciation: Quoth Sheen, “It rhymes with winning.”

Bi-winning

Definition: Winning on the ultimate level.

Usage: I’m not bi-polar, “I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there.”

Following along? Great! Here's a few more phrases and their definitions to keep you up to speed:

Wearing a golden sombrero

Definition: Getting divorced four times in a row (kind of the opposite of a hat trick).

Usage: “I tried marriage. I'm 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer — I believe in numbers. I'm not going 0 for 4. I'm not wearing a golden sombrero."

Tiger blood

Definition: What runs through Sheen’s veins, making him all-powerful.

Usage: “AA was written for normal people. People that don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA,” “[I survived drug addiction] because I'm me. I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.”

Sober Valley Lodge

Definition: The Beverly Hills home where Sheen claims he’s healed himself “with the power of my mind.”

Usage: “We couldn’t really call it rehab because we didn’t have a license to operate one, so it was a crisis management center that we labeled the Sober Valley Lodge. … Its primary client achieved radical success.”

The Wedge

Definition: Sheen’s nickname for himself, based on his preferred position between his two blonde 24-year-old girlfriends, a.k.a. "the goddesses."

Usage: “It’s a wedge. Boom. You form a wedge to make room for the guy carrying the ball.”

Fun, huh?

We hear the new Oxford American Dictionary is making adjustments as we speak to accommodate the changes Charlie's made to the English language.

Oh, and if you want to learn more vital information for your everyday life as shared by Professor Higgins Mr. Sheen, CLICK HERE to view more phrases in his dictionary.

It's a totally bitchin' thing to do!

[Image via WENN.]

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And Now, A Reading From A Book Of Poetry By Charlie Sheen - For Real!

Filed under: Charlie Sheen

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Oh, if we'd only known back then, we would have bought a copy for each and every one of you.

Did you know that besides being an actor/warlock, Charlie Sheen is also a poet? Course you did! This is the man that inspired us with the phrase, "Can't is the cancer of happen," not too long ago.

But did you know that in 1990, he self-published his own book of poetry??? Oh yes, it happened!

Now, unfortunately, the book, called A Peace of My Mind, (Clever!) has since gone out-of-print, so Amazon won't be able to help you. However, we've got a little taste of Charlie's moving words for you here.

As it turns out, Charlie's book was illustrated by director Adam Rifkin. The pair ended up collaborating with Charlie's poetry again, when Adam used Charlie's sweet words for the trailer of his terrifying film Tale of Two Sisters. Never heard of it? Then consider yourself warned because this is some dark, creeper-infested John Waters territory you are about to head into.

You can listen to Charlie read his poetry and subject yourself to night terrors by watching the trailer HERE, but for the rest of you, allow us to share you his words. With his awe-inspiring tiger blood quill pen, Charlie wrote:

Afternoon chaos turned to laughter,
As the lady in grey pierces the surface of the private aquarium,
Peach body held tight by the warmth of day,
Eyes fixed to locate, steady flow consumed,
A charred eruption takes suddenly the safety from her glow.
No place to hide, clear water raging black,
Looking hard for shallow hope, it’s gone, she consumed it.
Mascara bleeding, eyes of fire turned to stone,
Forced smile fading, laughing jackal breaks the leash.

Cue the chills!

P.S. - Does anyone else need anymore evidence that this dude is unstable???

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The Trump Chimes In On Charlie Sheen

Filed under: Donald TrumpCharlie Sheen

donald trump comments on charlie sheen

Why not? Let's hear what Donald Trump has to say about Charlie Sheen:

“[Charlie] is not doing so badly — I thought he’d be a total wreck. I think Charlie’s doing not so bad. So far, Charlie’s a winner!”

Wow. We cannot agree. More from Trump about the possibility of Charlie going onto Celebrity Apprentice:

“I’d love to have [Charlie on the show], but I’ll be honest — I think what’s going to happen is [Two and a Half Men] is going to end up signing him for a lot more money than he was getting paid in the first place. It’s all about ratings in this crazy business, and if you have ratings, you can be the worst person on earth and they’re going to sign you. I think Charlie will do very well.”

We see where you're coming from, Donald, but again, we cannot say we agree.

And here's what Trump had to say about a Sheen-less Two and a Half Men:

“I think it’s very risky [to continue ‘…Men’ without Charlie] and I think with Charlie they’ll do probably better than they ever did before. I would say that probably Charlie will be a big star for a long time to come… I get a great kick out of him…I think he’s doing just fine.”

He's doing fine in the sense that he's getting peoples' attention, but as a person, he's NOT doing fine. He needs help.

And more from Trump on why he likes Charlie:

“I have a life that’s very staid – I deal with banks, I deal with nice, straight people. When I see people that are different – especially if they’re smart—I get a kick out of it. I like to see it. To me it’s entertaining and I like to be entertained. Gary Busey’s fantastic, Charlie Sheen is fantastic. These are great people.”

Yes, Charlie's "sheenisms" are amusing, but the man needs serious help. We'd be much happier to see him in a facility getting treatment, than hearing more about how he's a "rock star" or how he's "super-bitchin" and how he's a "warlock."

Do U agree with Donald Trump's comments about Charlie?

[Images via WENN.]

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Charlie Sheen Never Sleeps, Does ANOTHER Random Radio Interview - And It's A Doozy!

Charlie Sheen Diapers

Charlie Sheen continued his never ending media blitz Wednesday morning with an interview on the Karson and Kennedy radio show.

Does this guy ever sleep?

Oh wait, we forgot. He doesn't sleep, he waits.

When asked how he was doing this morning by the hosts, a chipper Charlie answered:

"Awesome. How else should I be doing? The wildfires are spreading. The meek are scattering."

"Awesome" isn't exactly the word we would use to describe ourselves after our kids were taken away by the police, but hey, we don't have any tigers blood running through our veins.

In the interview, Charlie said he is "setting an example" for his cast and crew, whom should all consider themselves lucky because he revealed he's "taking care of the crew, the cast, and then me. In that order."

When asked about the rumors they plan on replacing him on the show, Charlie responded:

"Whatever. Go for it. I'm free, I'll go make movies and win Academy Awards. I don't give a shit."

Right.

He did have some kind words to say about his rumored replacement John Stamos, saying, "He's a beautiful man and I'm sure he'll do a great job."

But THEN, he continues, "At this point, what I really want to do, I don't really care. I just want to get the show back on the air with me, so it stays on a winning team."

For a guy "living inside the truth", you sure do contradict yourself a lot!

There was one nugget of humanity we heard come out of his lips when asked whether he would shelter his kids from his behavior. Although he's not worried about them seeing any of these erratic interviews, he does go on to say:

"I would shelter them from some of my past behavior, absolutely. I'd say, 'Do not do this guys. Trust me, it almost killed me. Don't do it. I can tell you the greatest stories in the world because I survived it, but that's as close as you need to get to it.'"

Although everyone (ourselves included) seems completely obsessed with following this man's tirades, he insists:

"I'm not trying to make this into a show. I'm just different and this is how I roll and I've been blessed with a new brain and I'm using it. Sorry."

As for all of those profiting from all the t-shirts and websites popping up about Charlie Sheen, the man himself has given them full endorsement, saying:

"I hope the people that made them are getting rich. They deserve it because they're smart enough to grab it, right?"

At least he's cool with being publicly mocked.

In fact, he's really starting to get the hang of it! He even recognized what may be one of his best lines yet mid sentence while talking about those trying to reach out and help him, saying:

"I watch all of you weep into your diapers in my rear view mirror, but — okay, that was a pretty good line."

Keep the Sheenisms coming, Charlie, although we don't think they are helping you get your show back.

[Image via WENN.]

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Charlie Gets Support From Mel Gibson & Sean Penn, And More Sheenisms

charlie sheen gets support from mel and sean

Congratulations, Charlie! Looks like you've got the support of Mel Gibson and Sean Penn. Then again, you told us you had an upcoming show on HBO called Sheen's Corner coming out, so we need to take it all with a grain of salt.

Here's what Charlie had to say about Gibson, who called him with "comforting words":

“He’s a stone cold dude."

Ha! And here's what he had to say about Penn:

"Sean Penn was over [at my house] the other night and we had a few laughs."

Good for U, Charlie! We're glad to hear you're surrounding yourself with positive influences people.

And just for fun, here are some more recent Sheenisms:

“I’m super-bitchin’ [and] I don’t believe myself to be an addict.”

"[The drug I'm on is] called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."

"I'm underpaid right now. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitchin', a total … rock star from Mars."

Thanks for that, Charlie. We can only imagine the wonderful things that were said during your talks with Mel and Sean.

[Image via WENN.]

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