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Meet Iron Underwear Man! His Special Powers? Getting Caught Trying To Open An ATM With A Blow Torch!

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Something tells us this guy won't be joining the Avengers anytime soon.

A 32-year-old man by the name of Tony Stark Mark Fischer is accused of attempting to use a blowtorch to cut into an ATM in Portland on Sunday, in a story that could be turned into a great Portlandia sketch.

Not only did he reportedly have a knife, a stun gun, and an acetylene torch, he allegedly tried pepper-spraying the cops who were sent to the scene. Best of all, he was wearing, get this, armored underwear complete with ballistic panels!

Talk about balls of steel!

Usually a cup does the trick, but we guess he really wanted to make sure that no one gave him a below the belt punch!

He's booked right now on multiple charges, including possession of body armor, which is a felony! Next time leave your steel thong at home!

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Police Mistake Sign Language For Gang Gestures & Beat Deaf Man Unconscious Before Arresting Him!

Filed under: Icky Icky PooLegal Matters

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This is just horrible!

A Southern California man was brutally beaten by Hawthorne police after they say he made threatening gestures at them.

Only he wasn’t making threatening gestures, he was trying to use sign language!

Jonathan Meister is deaf and had no idea why cops were approaching him outside of his ex-roommates' home. He had been retrieving some stuff he was storing at the house when neighbors called police because they thought Jonathan looked suspicious.

When officers arrived on the scene, they handcuffed Jonathan, thereby taking away his only means of communication! They then preceded to beat and shock him with a stun gun until Jonathan was rendered unconscious!

So outrageous!

The man was then taken to the hospital where he was charged with assaulting police officers!

What the WHAT?! They charged the handcuffed deaf guy who got knocked out?!

Those charges have

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Dallas Cowboy Fan Tasers Jets Fans On Anniversary Of 9/11!

Filed under: ZportzSad SadViolenceFootball

That is NOT an appropriate way to honor the lives of Americans claimed by terrorists on 9/11/11.

Leroy McKelvey, a Dallas Cowboys fan, was arrested on Sunday after allegedly smuggling a taser into the MetLife Stadium in New Jersey and using it during a fight with a Jets fan.

Sources say the brawl began after McKelvey was chastised by a U.S. Marine, one of the taser victims, for not standing and removing his cap during the national anthem.

Like witnesses to the brawl shout out in the video above, "How did he get in there with that thing?"

How could stadium security allow this breach on the 10th anniversary of the World Trade Center attacks, no less? Yeesh!

It sounds like tensions were already high due to the terror alert in effect, but we don't doubt the conflict was only exacerbated by team rivalry. Sports are meant to be entertainment for the fans, not a reason to start a fist fight!

You can't see the stun gun, but check out the short video above to get a glimpse of the crazy brawl between Dallas Cowboy and New York Jets' fans!

WARNING: The video contains offensive language!

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Woman Attacks Fast Food Worker With Stun Gun For Slow Order!

Filed under: Wacky, Tacky & True

Bitch must have been HUNGRY!

Check out the video above to see the two women accused of going after a Wendy's employee with a stun gun!

CRAZY!

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Jackson on Jackson: Jaafar & His Daddy Speak!

Filed under: Michael Jackson

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So now that the press has stopped talking about the whole thing, Jermaine Jackson and his son Jaafar are stepping forward to address the taser incident that made headlines.

Makes perfect sense, right?

Jaafar claims that the 300,000 volt stun gun was supposed to be a surprise gift for his dad. He admits to taking it out of the box to test that it worked on a piece of paper, but he never used it on any of the other children, especially Michael Jackson's three little ones. The problem seems to be, according to Jaafar and his father Jermaine, that there are people in the house that used to work for MJ, but now work and live in the Jackson estate with the rest of the family. These are the people Jermaine says leaked such a untrue story and that he is now looking into getting fired.

When asked about the situation, Jaafar explained:

“They’re trying to take us out of the house so they use this incident to try and say I’m a bad kid which I’m not because I’ll never try to hurt my cousin at all."

Some devious plot from the inside? Sounds a little much for us to believe.

Then again, there are some shitteous people in the world!

Do U buy this story?

[Image via WENN.]

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Jafaar Jackson Has A History Of Playing With Guns!

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We guess he's no stranger to this kind of behavior!!

There's reportedly a video floating around of Jaafar Jackson playing with an Airsoft gun and threatening to bust his brother Jermajesty's head open!

WTF??

The video, which is taken months before he threatened Michael's kids, Blanket and Prince with a stun gun, shows Jaafar 'playing' with his brother by coming into his room, ordering him to the ground, and pretending to pistol-whip him!

Wow!

We understand that kids like to play pretend, but we think this is a little intense!!

He might need to go talk to somebody about his anger!!

[Image via AP Images.]

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