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Darth Vader Robs A Convenience Store!

Filed under: Wacky, Tacky & TrueBusted!

This would have been so much more amazing if they had played the Imperial March over the segment!

Check out (above) a news story about a man who robbed a convenience as a knife-wielding Darth Vader!

The douchebag, however, didn't disguise himself using the Sith Lord's mask until he was already inside, where security cameras caught his face!

May the force NOT be with him!

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Boo-Hoo, Lily!

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Oh, for goodness sake, AGAIN, you ungrateful hack?!

Lily Allen is once again shitting all over her success as a musician, and claims that she quit because the industry is just too negative!

She whined:

"I feel like a naughty kid that's just dropped out of school. People think it's amazing being a popstar, but for all the good things that happen, you end up getting burnt, sad and losing a sense of who you are. I want to do something I love with real value, that will work with me having kids."

Maybe if you had a better attitude, bitch, you wouldn't have been so effing miserable!

Let's hope you don't decide you feel the same way about being a parent in a year or two!

You can't quit kids, bb!

BARF.

[Image via WENN.]

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Again! Bristol Palin Announces Split With Levi!

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It's official!

Levi Johnston has been kicked to the curb AGAIN by the Palins!

After allegedly impregnating ANOTHER Alaskan teen, Bristol Palin tearfully announced that her baby daddy is once again out of her life.

She reveals:

"It's over. I broke up with him. There's been no remorse. The final straw was him flying to Hollywood for what he told me was to see some hunting show but come to find out it was that music video mocking my family. He's just obsessed with the limelight and I got played. Through this whole experience I know I need a man who's going to be completely honest with me and someone who loves me and Tripp and wants to be with him all the time. I also want someone who has religious beliefs and a good family."

That's right, gurl! You need someone who's going to famewhore with you - but on YOUR terms.

Bwa ha ha!

Speaking of famewhoring, Sexy Sarah, who is totally LOVING this mess, chimed in:

"I wish for Bristol to be able to move forward in life with her same forgiving, gracious, optimistic spirit, but from henceforth she'll know to trust but verify. Bristol is strong, she is independent, and she knows what is right for her bank account son."

Such heartbreak and anguish! Boo-hoo!

We knew Bristol had to be dumb - she let that douchebag stick it in her without a condom, after all - but we didn't think she'd be STOOPID enough to take him back after everything!

But hey! Maybe third time will be a charm and they'll reconcile again, right?!

They certainly deserve each other!

[Image via AP Images.]

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The Simpleton Thinks Her Show Is Like Missionary Work!

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Oh, J Simpleton!

Only you would travel the world with a camera crew, stare at other cultures and be genuinely aghast to how different they are from you, and then come up with THIS instant classic!

She recently said of her exercise in self-indulgence reality show The Price of Beauty:

"I'm not saying I'm changing the world. But…to be able to sit with my Dad and [create] Price of Beauty. It's similar to missionary work. It was what I was called to do and called to be."

We can't wait to hear more on the Simpleton's spiritual catharsis! We wonder what else she'll do (and say) now that she's found such a significant calling!

LOLz!

[Image via WENN.]

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