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Jennifer Love Desperate Being Especially Desperate!!

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Eww!

WTF??

Either she'll say almost ANYTHING to get press or she's even NASTIER than we thought!

Jennifer Love Desperate is running rampant this week whoring out promoting her new book, The Day I Shot Cupid, anywhere she can, and seeing as she is the queen of TMI, wants to let the world know about some of her weird-ass turn-ons.

The HACKtress claims:

"I love office supplies. I love being organized. It's the folders and the tech … [Staples] is a place to take me if you want me to get hot and bothered."

The last thing we want to get you is 'hot and bothered,' you freak!

Can you imagine how DESPERATE girlfriend must be when she's in heat?

All of those poor trapper keepers!!

That being said, we're going to call 'pathetic plea for attention' on this one. Everyone knows her one true love is Taco Bell!!

Bwa ha ha.

[Image via WENN.]

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Girls With Low Self-Esteem: Jennifer Love Hewitt Edition

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Now that Jennifer Love Desperate and that crypt-keeper Jamie Kennedy have ended their beautiful romance, girlfriend is freaking out over the devastating realization that she is SINGLE and trying to promote a self-help book on relationships, The Day I Shot Cupid: Hello, My Name is Jennifer Love Hewitt and I'm a Desperate Hack Love-aholic!!

HA. We love cruel irony.

The saddest girl in the entire world says:

"Back in the shark tank! I never said in the book that I knew how to be in the perfect relationship. I say in my book I want to be the readers' kind spirit out in the dating world. And now, more than ever, I am. I don't like to go out to clubs and party. I'm not into 'Let's go out with one guy on a Monday and another guy on a Wednesday' – that's just not me. I'm a relationship kind of girl. I like a twosome. Some people get excited about being single. I don't."

We NOTICED. You'll date just about ANYTHING to avoid having to sleep alone at night, won't you??

HOWEVER, you can't deny that clutching your body pillow tonight will be a lot more comfortable than that mutant Kennedy!

Desperate is also wants us all to be comforted by how mature she and her ex are while they work together on her SHITEOUS show Ghost Whisperer.

"We've parted as friends. There's no anger, there's no upset, there's no enemies. It's been totally fine. It's really a testament to who he is and to who I am. We're both grown-ups."

HA. Yeah, we're sure it's sooo amicable.

Who wants to place bets on how long it takes before his character is horribly and violently killed off?

Girlfriend closes with:

"I want to be an independent woman who falls in love, finds a great partner for her lifetime, has kids and kind of does it all. I'd like to have it all."

Who else thinks that she, the Simpleton, and MANiston need to form a knitting circle??

They can all talk about their overbearing need to find self-worth and validation from douchebags!! Or all the freaky shiz John Mayer tried to make them do in bed!!

Bwa ha ha.

[Image via WENN.]

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