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Martha Stewart Recommends Using Pig Intestines As Condoms

Filed under: Martha StewartFoodSex

Planned Parenthood probably isn't very happy with Martha Stewart.

During a segment on The Martha Stewart Show in which she is making homemade sausage, the ex-con television personality recommended using pig intestines as condoms, saying:

"Well, I bet they work if they work for sausage!"

LOLz! Hmm…we're going to have to kindly disagree with MStew (no relation to KStew) on this one!

Check out the video above to see Martha jokingly give, quite possibly, her worst advice ever.

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Martha Stewart's Review Of Her Daughter's Tell All Book

Filed under: BookzCeleb Kidz

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Martha Stewart's daughter, Alexis Stewart, is coming out with a tell-all-book!

As we posted yesterday, it appears this book will reveal Martha to be a MUCH-less-than-perfect mother.

However, much like like her ancestor the honey badger, Martha don't care!!

On today's episode of The Martha Stewart Show, the host said:

"I got an advanced copy and I actually read the book … oh, maybe about a month or a month and a half ago. I didn't know that it was even coming."

The book, titled Whateverland: Learning to Live Here, accuses the home-making mogul of being a hoarder, having a "very hands-off approach to child rearing," and NEVER keeping wire hangers prepared foods in the house when Alexis was a child.

Still, Martha's review is as polished and shinny as her kitchen (we imagine)! Martha said of the book:

"It is hilarious and it is enlightening and it's full of funny stories. It's not an autobiography, [it] touches on everything: food, fashion, cleaning, organizing and me. It's irreverent and it's lots of fun."

Yeah right!! Even if Martha hates the book as much as she hates dust, she'd never let us see her sweat.

We'll just have to read it for ourselves to decide.

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Jennifer Garner Was Drunk While On Martha Stewart's Show!

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LOLz.

Jennifer Garner admitted that she got drunk on her recent appearance on The Martha Stewart Show.

The actress said:

"By the time we get to cooking and having our champagne, I hadn't had anything to eat… and I got drunk. They needed it (champagne drinking) for continuity and it tasted good… and whenever I'm around her (Stewart) I suddenly get really West Virginian and southern… and so I got drunk and southern, and it was the worst combination.

I can't bear to watch it because I just started talking faster and faster."

Ha. We love her drunk AND southern.

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Martha And Johnny Carve Pumpkins!

We thought Johnny Knoxville would be pretty good at carving pumpkins, but we were wrong.

Making an appearance on The Martha Stewart Show, the Jackass 3D star was an absolute mess when Martha asked him to carve out a spider pumpkin.

Check out the HIGHlarious clip above.

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Martha Stewart Not Put Off By Shiteous Ratings!

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A little old nuisance like disastrous ratings isn't going to keep Martha Stewart down!

Although her premiere on the Hallmark Channel - which marks her new partnership with the network - pulled in an audience of less than 199,000 viewers in its initial airing, all of the head honchos, including Martha herself, claim that they're not concerned - at least yet!

RBC Capital's managing director, David Bank, says:

“There is risk involved for both, but when you really think about what this is all about, it’s still a win for both companies — at least for now. Martha, whatever her ratings are, suddenly makes Hallmark more relevant. It’s no longer the ‘Little House’ rerun channel. It’s the Martha channel, and that’s a lot more valuable.”

Execs also claim that they knew it would be difficult garnering viewership toward the beginning of the deal, and Crown Media chief William Abbott explained "It’s awfully difficult to get noticed, even when you are Martha Stewart. We feel great about the show. But having said that, it’s TV — we’ve got to find an audience."

The show will now not only at 10am daily, but will repeat two more times, and be available for viewing on Stewart's website.

She explains:

“It’s very important that the program is replayed on the Internet. We’re dealing with a few challenges here — like some people don’t have cable. Compelling programming always wins out, and we are working very hard — in the magazines, on Twitter, on blogs, in advertising — to tell everybody where they can find us. I like to build. Building is interesting. Building is pioneering.”

Let's hope that all is this building doesn't collapse in on itself!

That would be one expensive fuck-up!

What do U think?? Will Martha survive these shiteous ratings??

[Image via WENN.]

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Martha Stewart's Debut Is A Ratings Bomb

Filed under: TV NewsMartha Stewart

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As The Martha Stewart Show premiered on the Hallmark Channel on Monday, she didn't have much of an audience.

Only 394,000 people tuned into watch Martha, which is down 50% from the repeats that network aired in the same period last year.

Although Hallmark is not making "rash judgments" due to the ratings!

"We do expect it will take time [for the audience to find it] and not be an overnight success," said Hallmark Channels president and CEO Bill Abbott. "We are planning for a few bumps in the road."

Ha. You got 'em!

[Image via WENN.]

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