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Does Matt Kemp Have The Simpleton Curse??

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It strikes again!

Remember how Tony Romo's performance on the field went to shit while he was dating JSimpleton??

Well, it appears that the very same is happening to Matt Kemp - perhaps due to his relationship with Miz RiRi!

At last night's home game, many noticed that the Dodgers player was benched. During the month of June, he's apparently hit only a .196, and has had just one home run the last 22 games!

Ouch!

However, manager Joe Torre defends him, and says:

"He's played pretty much every day and faced some good pitching. We really haven't given him a rest that often, so he's never had a chance to really regroup."

Suuuure.

Time to get your head in the game!

[Image via AP Images.]

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The Simpleton Gets Holistic!

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Oh, that silly, silly JSimpleton!

The singer/reality star has hopped on the holistic healing train, and has been tweeting up a storm about the entire process!

She wrote yesterday:

Shocked my system with a vegan diet, special Pu-erh tea from China, and cupping since friday! Who am I right now? This might be too clean!

Has anyone ever tried cupping? When u know you are doing something good for ur body the meditation creates intense visions. Love it!

Master Wang is the Healer working with me this weekend. He has a program called Total Vitality. www.medicinebuddhas.org www.zenandtea.com

Just so everyone is clear.. this has NOTHING to do with weight! It is about understanding my body through hydration and alkalinty…

HA! Intense visions? Was she trying cupping or peyote?!

That being said, we hope this new fascination sticks!

It will be a whole new spiritual Simpleton! Get out the hemp, gurl, and find your chakras!

And just so you're aware, Slim Jims are not vegan! Bwa ha ha!

P.S. CLICK HERE to "follow" Perez on Twitter!

[Image via WENN.]

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The Simpleton Thinks Her Show Is Like Missionary Work!

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Oh, J Simpleton!

Only you would travel the world with a camera crew, stare at other cultures and be genuinely aghast to how different they are from you, and then come up with THIS instant classic!

She recently said of her exercise in self-indulgence reality show The Price of Beauty:

"I'm not saying I'm changing the world. But…to be able to sit with my Dad and [create] Price of Beauty. It's similar to missionary work. It was what I was called to do and called to be."

We can't wait to hear more on the Simpleton's spiritual catharsis! We wonder what else she'll do (and say) now that she's found such a significant calling!

LOLz!

[Image via WENN.]

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The Pivert Strikes Again!

Filed under: TV NewsJessica SimpsonJeremy Piven

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This is such a SHOCKER.

Jeremy Pirvert acting PIRVERTED?!

Gasp!

During production of Jessica Simpson's upcoming stint on Entourage, apparently the douchey actor just couldn't keep his eyes off of her various ASSets!

A source says:

"In between takes, he was staring at Jessica's ass in the most obvious of ways. He wasn't being sly about it and would just watch her every move. He flirts with ugly girls, so you can imagine how crazy for Jessica Simpson he was. She almost seemed like she couldn't wait to change into her jeans, but she was a good sport about it and kind of laughed it off."

Who wants to take bets that these two will be spotted out and about together very soon?!

[Image via Pacific Coast News Online.]

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JSimpleton "Acting" Again!

Filed under: TV NewsJessica SimpsonJeremy Piven

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With a plot like this, she must have been in heaven!

Jessica Simpson will be making an appearance on the upcoming season of Entourage, and somehow the producers chose to cast her as herself! That's a stretch!

In a move to separate reality from fiction, her storyline involves men fighting over her!

Apparently, the Simpleton will be "caught between Ari (Jeremy Piven) and another agent trying to steal her."

HA!

Maybe if you act it well enough, then it will come true!

[Image via WENN.]

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The Simpleton Got Her Hair Did!!

Filed under: Jessica SimpsonPhotos!

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And it looks pretty good!

JSimpleton posted a pic of her shorter locks on her Twitter page, the cut courtesy of her bff, Ken Paves!

We hope the new you comes with a brand new outlook on dental hygiene, bb!!

P.S. CLICK HERE to "follow" Perez on Twitter!

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The Simpleton Is Gross!!

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So the Simpleton is not only simple, but she's effing RANK too!

Girlfriend recently admitted that she only brushes her teeth "maybe three times a week."

WTF?? THREE TIMES a week??

Ew Ew Ew Ew!

And worst yet, she doesn't realize how disgusting this fun little tidbit is!

She says:

"My teeth are so white and I don't like them to feel too slippery but I do use Listerine and I do floss everyday. But I don't brush them every day. My lips just slide all over the place….I can't catch up with my mouth. I need a little coating….I know it's gross but I always have fresh breath. It's really weird but I have great breath."

Wow.

Did you ever stop and think that maybe you can't tell when your own breath is rank, bb??

[Image via WENN.]

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