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The Simpleton Puts On Her Sunday Best!

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Maybe her new man likes them butch!

JSimpleton was spotted shopping in the men's department of Bloomingdale's yesterday wearing this striking little number, and we are never ceased to be amazed by the effort she constantly puts into her appearance!

Lesbian high school gym teachers want their look back, bb!

And we're not even going to tell you what we think Sue Sylvester would have to say about this mess!

LOLs!

[Image via Pacific Coast News Online.]

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The Simpleton Wants To Rip Off Work With WHO?!

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We doubt that anyone could help save gurlfriend's music career, but hey - it's worth a shot!

Sources are claiming that JSimpleton is once again attempting to record an album with a brand new image, and even wants to collaborate with Miz Katy Perry!

The insider says:

“Jessica is busy working on new songs and a new direction and has a number of names she would love to collaborate with and Katy is at the top. She’s hoping she might be able to work with her in some way and maybe even perform with her.”

Oh great - that's exactly what we need. The Simpleton attempting to be edgy and just sounding desperate!

Nail that coffin shut, bb, and stick to your reality show and fashion stuff!

[Image via WENN.]

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Does Matt Kemp Have The Simpleton Curse??

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It strikes again!

Remember how Tony Romo's performance on the field went to shit while he was dating JSimpleton??

Well, it appears that the very same is happening to Matt Kemp - perhaps due to his relationship with Miz RiRi!

At last night's home game, many noticed that the Dodgers player was benched. During the month of June, he's apparently hit only a .196, and has had just one home run the last 22 games!

Ouch!

However, manager Joe Torre defends him, and says:

"He's played pretty much every day and faced some good pitching. We really haven't given him a rest that often, so he's never had a chance to really regroup."

Suuuure.

Time to get your head in the game!

[Image via AP Images.]

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The Simpleton Gets Holistic!

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Oh, that silly, silly JSimpleton!

The singer/reality star has hopped on the holistic healing train, and has been tweeting up a storm about the entire process!

She wrote yesterday:

Shocked my system with a vegan diet, special Pu-erh tea from China, and cupping since friday! Who am I right now? This might be too clean!

Has anyone ever tried cupping? When u know you are doing something good for ur body the meditation creates intense visions. Love it!

Master Wang is the Healer working with me this weekend. He has a program called Total Vitality. www.medicinebuddhas.org www.zenandtea.com

Just so everyone is clear.. this has NOTHING to do with weight! It is about understanding my body through hydration and alkalinty…

HA! Intense visions? Was she trying cupping or peyote?!

That being said, we hope this new fascination sticks!

It will be a whole new spiritual Simpleton! Get out the hemp, gurl, and find your chakras!

And just so you're aware, Slim Jims are not vegan! Bwa ha ha!

P.S. CLICK HERE to "follow" Perez on Twitter!

[Image via WENN.]

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The Simpleton Thinks Her Show Is Like Missionary Work!

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Oh, J Simpleton!

Only you would travel the world with a camera crew, stare at other cultures and be genuinely aghast to how different they are from you, and then come up with THIS instant classic!

She recently said of her exercise in self-indulgence reality show The Price of Beauty:

"I'm not saying I'm changing the world. But…to be able to sit with my Dad and [create] Price of Beauty. It's similar to missionary work. It was what I was called to do and called to be."

We can't wait to hear more on the Simpleton's spiritual catharsis! We wonder what else she'll do (and say) now that she's found such a significant calling!

LOLz!

[Image via WENN.]

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