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Thug Misses Khia 'Reviews' Pink Friday!

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YES YES YES! It's been far too long, bb!

We've missed you!

Our beloved 'Thug Misses' Khia was apparently none too pleased with Nicki Minaj's debut album, Pink Friday, and decided it would be best to express her distaste of the rapper's material with a pretty scathing - and HIGHlarious - review!

It reads:

Now………When I said Happy Thanksgiving, I was not talking about Onika’s album because there was nothing “Happy” about it, and when I say I nothing… I do mean “Nothing, Nada, Zilch…. This bitch needs to be SHOT on site. So while these bitches are fighting over whose ASS SHOTS are the biggest, give me an album without any CAMEOS and then you can talk to the Queen….. Cuz I carry this shit on top of “My Neck and My Back,” Solo Hoe! Hell…….Even on top my head, fruit baskets and all!

Real Talk…… It smells WORSER than the gas that’s coming out of my ASS, from all of the Turkey that I ate over the Thanksgiving weekend. Someone needs to give this BITCH a FLEET Enima and “FLUSH” her IMMEDIATELY, She is nothing but a “Ghostwritten”, Weezy-wannabe WHORE!

Now, I don’t want to sound like a hater because I did go out and spend my $13.99 on this”Mop-flop” of an album, so hopefully this review will give this BLOW-UP doll a little more promotion….. They built this “Bear” right before our eyes! No hate intended…. Real Talk. So let’s get started…….Shall we?

Onika Maraj’s “Pink Friday” Album Review!

Guuuuuuurl…..For starters, the album cover was cute but it looked like Mama Cita needed a Knee Replacement, Knee Braces or KNEE KNOCKERS cuz her legs looked Knotted Up, ILLIFORMED and DEFORMED just like that FAKE “ASS” of hers!!!! Her breast looked suculant, but I wouldn’t suck them wit Latifah’s lips! Shout out to the stylists and photographers who done a spectacular job, airbrushing and styling this “Dungeon Dragon” because we all know that this “Lint-Lizard” doesn’t look like this in person…. It’s AMAZING what a little make-up and camera angles can do! Fuck you, Derek Blanks and the SHIP that your ancestors came in on……Cotton-Picking son of a bitch! Moving right along!

Before we get too far into this “Fabulous” review. I noticed that there were a Hell a lot of people in this 360 deal, Universal, Young Money, Cash Money…..No Money! I mean, they get album sale Money, Endorsement Money, Merchandising Money, Show Money which equals….No Money!! I mean….. With all of the writer’s, producer’s, features and after my husband Weezy cashes in on all of his favors, Onika will be left with $3.60 which equals….No Money! I mean, let’s be real here……100% can only go but Sooooooooooo many ways. Real Talk! Let’s move on….. Shall we?

Track 1: I’m The Best

Yes, “I” Am….. Is she the best? “NO” she’s NOT! If she was……….She wouldn’t have to say it soooooooooooooooo many times. I am a little sick and tired of hearing it! Enough, ALREADY! Wayne is the best rapper alive…… And stop tryna sound like him, we’re all OVER it! Let’s face it…… Nasti Muzik dances circles around this piece of SHIT!!! Now Tweet that……….BITCH!

Track 2: Roman’s Revenge

The best thing on this track was Eminem! Someone call “Puff The Magic” Dragon Slayer. Was she talkin about Lil Kim and was not woman enough to say it? Ooooooooooh Enimem, I never dated a white dude before…..Let’s share an Ice Cream Sandwich, or maybe an Oreo Cookie or even a Peppermint Patty! Oooooooooooooh, I’m sooooooooooo messy!

Track 3: Did It On’Em

What did you do? Because it’s obvious that you will not sell any RECORDS, don’t get too “COMFY” over there at Cash Money Records Sweeeeetie because if they DROPPED Teena Marie, they are going to be SWEEPING your ASS out the DOOR pretty soon! I Thank my husband for DROPPING Lil Mo becuase her LIPS weighed more than her ALBUM sales and needed to be picked UP from draaaaaaaging the floor! Every night me and my husband Weezy still fight about him letting Teena Marie go!

Track 4: Right Thru Me

We see right past your dumb ass! See through you, walk over you, step on you, so tired of you! I know it won’t be long before I hear about you in the PAPER! I smell a nervous BREAK DOWN coming on…..You’re not BUILT for this!

Track 5: Fly

Go Rhi-Rhi!!!! Onika, are you still swinging? The battle is over, the battle is not yours it is the Lord’s! It seem like in every song you are fighting to prove yourself…….What the HELL is really going? Are youuuuuuuuu the one jumping out of the window? Or am I going to have to THROW your ass out of the window? Where is the TALENT? Is this entire album aimed at all female rappers? You’re old as Methuselum, 969 years old and you’re still dissing and beefing. I mean, even the Queen isn’t dissing these BITCHES anymore! Grow up….Get over it! You aint even strong enough to hang…….. You will be HANGING yourself soon! You’re already taking a lot of pain killers because you have gone through soooooooo many surgeries! Don’t get ADDICTED to em, Now…… Ya hear?

Track 6: Save Me

I just told yall to SAVE this bitch…….She is DROWNING, FALLEN and can’t GET Up! Don’t give up though, keep swimming……… Hopefully, you will be able to keep Hope alive for all of lil girls that’s drowning! Seems like, Willow Smith and Justin Bieber should have been featured on the album, because the chilren are the only ones who are pleased with the works of this tired ass album. Wrist full of colorful rubberbands!

Tracks 7: Moment For Life

You still SWINGING? “SWING LOW, SWEET CHARIOT.” Somebody please come by and carry this BITCH home! Who approved this track list? Let me check…… Looks like my husband Weezy and Birdman! Damn, they wouldn’t even give you Executive Producer credit, which still equals……..No Money!

Track 8: Check It Out

Check what out? The best thing on this track is the “Feature” WIL-I-AM…… I can’t believe I wasted my $13.99 on this BULL SHIT, I told yall that it aint no damn Barbies in the hood! I can’t wait for Matel to sue this bitch for all of the $3.60 that she earned! When is this bitch gonna learn that they stealing all of the money?

Track 9: Blazin

The only thing that’s “Blazin” is Onika’s pussy! Yeah fellas, it’s burning……Flaming Hot! Bitches will do anything for a record deal! Onika, look in the mirror! Are you pleased with yourself? We seen the BEFORE, it would have been better if you came out AFTER all of the surgery!

Track 10: Here I Am

Where are you? When you pulled “Massive Attack,” you should have pulled a few more! You are a ”Feature-Creature” Hoe, Tired and Threw. MOP this FLOP, all through my kitchen floor. Now they say, that this bitch has issues such as being bipolar and having symptoms of ADD. Instead of buying all of them costumes and wigs, you need to invest in a psychiatrist. I can hear pain on every track, you need a whole lot of SPECIAL attention.

Track 11: Dear Old Nicki

RIP…….Case closed and casket DROPPED!

Track 12: Your Love

No Hate……. I like this Track, but you still get “No” Love!

Track 13: Last Chance

This was your last chance to convince me……..And you BLEW it!

Final Arguments and Closing statements on Onika Maraj’s album review!

This bitch had three years of FULL promotion, all of the wigs, costumes, features and favors that my husband Weezy’s hard earned MONEY can buy and THIS is what you decided to give us?????? Yet, Nasti Muzik dances circles around this fuckery of an album! You have been officially sentenced to LIFE without any eligibility for Parole and have been banished from the Hip-Hop community for giving us this weak ass album. Imma keep it Gangsta, you had a Hellified promotional team but they just didn’t have anything to promote. Rob Sherfield from Rolling Stone magazine gave you 3.5 stars on the album but the Queen gives you…….ZERO stars, not even a shooting STAR! By the way, I hear that Lil Kim is erasing bitches social security numbers and that Foxy Brown is a little upset with because you lied about the feud between Kim and you, but I think Foxy should concentrate on how Kim came and SNATCHED up her record deal! Wasn’t it Fox Boogie Brown that was hanging tough with Jay Z back in the day? Is that the reason Foxy got soooooooo Big? Or was it THYROIDS, FIBROIDS, HONEY BUNS or TWINKIES? It looks like like someone PUMPED helium straight into her body! At least Lil Kim NIPPED, TUCKED and STUFFED her fat away! Nicki, please give Inga the number to your plastic surgeon and your shrink while you are at! Maybe, you guys can tag team! It takes two to Tango!!!!!!!!!!!! Ohhhhhhhhh, one more thing! Can someone tell me what happened with Pretty Money? Oh, they never made any………MONEY!

Regardless of whether or not you agree with her opinions on Miz Minaj, you cannot deny that this is some straight up poetry right here!

LOLz! Keep the crazy coming, bb!

You know how much we love it!

What do U think?? Do U agree with Khia??

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Christmas Will Never Be The Same Again, And You Can Blame Khia!

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That 'Thug Misses' Khia has such a way with words!

The rapper recently decided that her sex life was worth discussing, and treated the world to a very explicit, detailed description of her top three ways to get down!

Our favorite is number two, but pick for yourself:

1) "Plain sex is so boring. Get all dressed up [for him]. Roleplay is the ultimate. Everyone’s into this threesome thing, but there’s no way there’s going to be another woman with my man because I’ma beat you and drag you. So ladies play different women so you can keep your man excited. Try different wigs [or] dress up like a maid. I love fishnets and having sex in heels. Guys always go to the strip club because you bitches are boring in the bedroom. Turn into the stripper for your guy. If he comes home and you got those heels on and it’s late, he knows what time it is. You know I got a pole in my house—I got a portable pole (laughs). Have on something sexy and just seduce him. Go to portablepole.com, it’ll pop up."

2) "Don’t be scared to bring candies and toys into the bedroom. Some guys are jealous of dildos because of the size, so what I did to kind of ease [my ex-husband] is introduce him to jumbo candy canes that they give at Christmas time. I like that better because number one, it doesn’t look like a penis that’s bigger than him, so he won’t be jealous. Plus, it makes the vagina taste wonderful and the peppermint makes it tingle a little bit when he blows. It’s good when he’s giving you head; it looks fun and kiddie-like going in, so he’s not intimidated."

3) "Blindfolding is also good, and handcuffs too. You can get all kinds of games where you roll the dice and one side says ‘blow me, kiss me’… I like all that kinky stuff. But you better not whip me!"

Goodness gracious, everything she writes is poetry to our ears!

We think gurl needs to start an advice column! The world needs your wisdom, Khia!

Please, keep it coming! Don't disappoint us!

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