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One Of Charlie Sheen's Porn Stars Attempts Suicide As A 'Publicity Stunt!'

Filed under: Icky Icky PooDrugsLegal MattersSad SadTwitter

kacey-jordan-attempts-suicide

We suppose not everyone's bodies can handle tiger blood! Can't say he didn't warn us!

Kacey Jordan, one of the porn stars who was pAArtying with Charlie Sheen back in January, reportedly 'attempted' to kill herself last night.

Chicago authorities revealed that they responded to a 9-1-1 call from the Peninsula Hotel around 7pm last night, after she Tweeted several suicidal messages, claiming she was waiting to die after taking pills and alcohol.

When they arrived at her room, police found her in bed, with prescription pill bottles, broken glass and alcohol, but she claimed that she had written the messages as a publicity stunt!

However, that didn't stop her from then attempting to cut herself with a corkscrew bottle opener! She was taken to the hospital for a mental evaluation, and police have labeled it a non-criminal suicide attempt.

Geesh. Whether she was doing it for attention or not, clearly, this girl is extremely unwell, and we in all seriousness DO hope that she can get the help she obviously needs.

[Image via WENN.]

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Move Over, Rachael Ray! Charlie Sheen Is In The Kitchen Now

Filed under: Silly!Rachael RayCharlie Sheen

At least he's got a sense of humor about himself…assuming he realized this was a joke.

Check out the video (above) of Charlie Sheen teaching the world how to cook, in a perfectly coherent manner.

At first, this seemed like it was just another excuse for Charlie to overuse words like "winning" and "warlock," but when he grabbed a bottle of wine and said it was "tea made from ground dinosaur fossils," we were pretty much won over.

Good for them for not using the obvious "tiger blood" joke! We appreciate that kind of thing.

What do U think of Charlie's cooking show? Did you learn a lot?

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CBS President Hires Round The Clock Security For Fear Of Charlie Sheen!

Filed under: Exclusives!Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen naked

Sources reveal exclusively to PerezHilton.com that CBS head honcho Les Moonves now has taken some serious measures to ensure his safety and that of his family because he is fearful of recently fired Two And A Half Men star Charlie Sheen.

"Charlie and Les got into a very heated verbal altercation recently," an insider close to the situation tells us. "Les has also been telling people that Charlie was seen driving by his house, which spooked him."

As a result, we're told Moonves now has two security people patrolling his property 24/7.

"His wife [The Talk co-host Julie Chen] even has security," our insider says.

Better safe than sorry!

Charlie does have guns - and machetes - in his house!

[Image via WENN.]

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Drink Up! Tiger Blood For Everyone!

Filed under: Silly!Charlie Sheen

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Red Bull - consider yourself OWNED! (At least for the next week or so…)

Team Sheen, rejoice and be glad, because now you too can drink Tiger's Blood and pAArty like Charlie Sheen. Harco Laboratories has just released a new energy drink that promises to pack enough of a punch to bring you to a Charlie level of insanity winning!

Via the companies the website, Harco promises that their "Bi-Winning Tiger Blood" will give you all the energy you need to conquer your day while merely sipping on their libation in your own Sober Valley Lodge. They add:

"It's made from 100% passion specifically to make your brain fire in a way that's not from this particular terrestrial realm. Tiger Blood allows you to use household items, you're welcome to take more drugs than anyone can survive. Be different, have a different brain, and a different heart. When you feel Tiger Blood in your veins, you'll realize dying's for fools and that can't is the cancer of happen. Period. The end.

Note: This product does not do any of the above, and we don't know what banging 7 gram rocks means. It is, however, a delicious fruit punch flavored energy shot packing 80mg of caffeine. WINNING.

Also: Don't do drugs. Seriously. Don't. Do. Drugs."

Radical. Bitchin'. Tubular. (Wait, has he used that one yet? Eh, only a matter of time.)

One bag will cost you $4, but an "epic 4-pack" can be purchased for $15.96. Take our advice - save your money. Do yourself one better and heed their disclaimer about not doing drugs.

The world already has one Charlie Sheen. Isn't that enough?

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Roseanne Tears Apart Talks Charlie Sheen And Chuck Lorre On Her Blog

Filed under: DrugsRoseanneCharlie Sheen

roseanne talks charlie sheen and chuck lorre on her blog

Wow, Roseanne! Way to put both Charlie Sheen AND Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre in their place!

Here's what Roseanne had to say about the two and a half men on her blog post entitled "Charlie Sheen Makes Me Look Sane":

this thread is for charlie sheen talk and mental illness talk. Charlie is not on drugs, though he can get them from the porn star goddesses that come and go, but his urine shows clean–i think charlie is in a manic high, and is unable to get any drugs to bring him down anymore—his tiger blood statement is from that "eye of the tiger" focus that manics have. Manics can really work hard and play hard at the same time, until they hit a wall, and then they are in bed and depressed for a long time, so they start taking drugs again to get energy to work. Charlie, take a break dude. Go to Greece, Paris, China, look at great art and lay low. you got fired, dude. anybody can do your job, really. other guys are funny and not repulsive to intelligent women, though those shit chuck lorre lines could choke a fucking horse, and render any actor who recites them stone cold soul dead. No grown man could really look himself in the mirror knowing that he delivers shit jokes and adolescent sniggering over breasts and women's body parts lines to the Tea partier types who are big fans of Chuck's hilarious hijinx. I fired Chuck Lorre for being a big drunk on my show, and he went on to become one of tv's most successful writers (about dick jokes). Maybe Charlie can start producing porn movies now!!

Pret-ty intense stuff, Ms. Barr…although we agree with what you're saying about Charlie being manic.

What do U think about Roseanne's unforgiving Charlie/Chuck comments?

[Image via WENN.]

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