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Meet Iron Underwear Man! His Special Powers? Getting Caught Trying To Open An ATM With A Blow Torch!

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Something tells us this guy won't be joining the Avengers anytime soon.

A 32-year-old man by the name of Tony Stark Mark Fischer is accused of attempting to use a blowtorch to cut into an ATM in Portland on Sunday, in a story that could be turned into a great Portlandia sketch.

Not only did he reportedly have a knife, a stun gun, and an acetylene torch, he allegedly tried pepper-spraying the cops who were sent to the scene. Best of all, he was wearing, get this, armored underwear complete with ballistic panels!

Talk about balls of steel!

Usually a cup does the trick, but we guess he really wanted to make sure that no one gave him a below the belt punch!

He's booked right now on multiple charges, including possession of body armor, which is a felony! Next time leave your steel thong at home!

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Melissa McCarthy Shows Off Her Olympic Pyromania In New SNL Promo! Watch It HERE!

In all her Olympic fervor, Melissa McCarthy ended up buying "the Olympic torch" from "downstairs," an item that just turned out to be some newspaper and a lighter!

Hey, meets our Olympic standards! Light 'em up, Melissa…it's a long, frosty way to Sochi, so you'll most likely need this makeshift torch for warmth in the tundra that is Russia America.

In HIGHlarious fashion, Melissa teased us for her charming third time hosting SNL, and we're hoping that along with some brand new characters, we'll get a chance to see the Hidden Valley Ranch taste tester again! So funny!

Ch-ch-check out the hysterical promo video (above)!!!

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Rupert Grint Mobbed By Fans During Olympic Torch Run

Filed under: AnglophiliaRunningOlympics

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As we previously mentioned, Rupert Grint was going to get to carry the Olympic torch through Middlesex University.

He apparently had to fight off fans the entire way down, swinging the torch like a flaming club!

Okay, that's not true, but he did have to fight off fans the whole leg of his run.

Which was more of a downhill walk, which worked out perfectly seeing as how he's not much of a runner.

He said:

"Running is kind of a new thing for me. I don't usually run for anything, but it was all downhill so I was OK. I didn't really know what to expect, it was all a bit of a blur. I'm just so proud to be a part of it. It's amazing to see everyone so excited and really geared up for this."

We bet it must've been absolutely ahmayzing and so surreal to carry the Olympic torch for his country!

What a lucky guy!

[Image via AP Images.]

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Patrick Stewart Carries Olympic Torch

Filed under: RunningOlympicsPatrick Stewart

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Patrick Stewart, actor extraordinaire, was honored by being allowed to carry the Olympic torch through Croydon, South London.

Since he's used to being in a wheelchair as Prof. X he found running hard and apparently tripped several times and lit a few spectators on fire. JK LOLz!

He carried the torch like champ and loved every minute of it, saying:

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Rupert Grint's Olympic Torch Run Deets Revealed!

Filed under: AnglophiliaRunningOlympics

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As we previously mentioned, Rupert Grint will be running with the Olympic torch.

Yay!

Right after the announcement we had no details of when or where… but we do now!

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What The Birkin!? Hermes Lights Their Own Bags On Fire!

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Hermes Birkin bags are on FIYAH, and not because they're hot must-haves.

It wasn't enough that photographer Tyler Shields set a $100,000 Birkin on fire while girlfriend Francesca Eastwood watched, but now the luxury brand's torching the extremely expensive bags themselves!

So why are the bags being smoked?

Mulberry's Emma Hill revealed:

"A friend who was working at Hermes said that if there was even the most minor imperfection on a bag they would take it out the back and burn it — no compromise."

That's just terrible!

We think Hermes should just donate the imperfect bags so we can all have a little piece of fashion heaven, even if they are a bit damaged!

What do U think?!?

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Will.I.Am Carries Olympic Torch!

Filed under: Inspirationwill.i.amOlympics

William Torch

How cool would it be to get to do this??

Will.I.Am says that being able to carry the Olympic torch was a dream come true — and we're inclined to believe him!

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