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Colorado Shooting Victims Miraculously Find Marital Bliss Amid Unspeakable Tragedy

Filed under: R.I.P.Wedding Waltz

Aurora Colorado Shooting Victims Vigil Marriage Happy Silver Lining The Dark Knight Rises

We're so grateful to finally report good news from Aurora, Colorado!

Jamie Rohrs and his girlfriend Patricia Legarreta attended the ill-fated Friday morning screening of The Dark Knight Rises when the gunman opened fire.

The couple summoned every last bit of their courage and know-how to help their infant son and 4 year-old daughter safely escape the theater.

Patricia was thankful to suffer only a minor bullet wound but more good news would quickly seep into her day.

Describing what happened when Jamie rushed into her room, she said:

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Natalee Holloway Murder Suspect Engaged To Marry

Joran Van der Sloot Getting Married Peru Natalee Holloway

We guess there really is a match out there for everyone!!

Joran Van der Sloot, who killed at least one woman and is heavily suspected of being responsible for Natalee Holloway's tragic 2005 disappearance, is tying the knot.

And, no, we aren't talking about a hangman's noose. Joran is getting married.

Joran currently resides in a Lima prison because of the crimes he committed but it seems even a jail cell couldn't stop him from finding true love.

Did he have a profile on Match.com or what?

Hmmm.

We're perplexed as

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Kanye West + Kim Kardashian = Baby?

kimyewest.jpg

That shizz kray!

Kim Kardashian & Kanye West are reportedly totally f'ing in love with each other, and are already thinking about taking the next big step.

Moving in together? Already happened. Marriage? Warmer. No?! Yep!

BABIES!!!!

Here's what one source close to Kanye said:

"They're seriously talking marriage. And yes, she would [accept his proposal]. Kanye says he can't wait to see her carrying his child, he says she will look beautiful pregnant."

We're sure that would prove to be true!

How does Kim feel about all this, though?

Here's what a source said:

"They are the real deal. I've never seen her like this."

Wow.

We obviously think Kim should divorce that other guy she was married to, but yeah we could totally get down with some Kimye babies!

Mos def.

[Image via WENN.]

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Britney Spears’ Family Won't Be Slaves 4 Ex-Manager

Britney Spears Sam Lufti LOLZ Lawsuit Jamie Spears Lynne Spears Jason Trawick Kevin Federline

Oops!… Britney’s parents did it again.

Jamie and Lynne Spears are making more headlines after refusing to be bullied by Britney’s old manager, Sam Lufti, who filed a lawsuit against the entire family for assault and defamation.

But THIS family tree won’t be uprooted.

A close source reveals:

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This One's For You, Apple!

Filed under: Tech TalkColdplay

Chris Martin was on hand to perform at the mega Apple event yesterday, where Steve Jobs showed off a slew of new goodies.

Chris decided to perform a brand new Coldplay song called Wedding Bells, which as he puts forth, may never be heard again if it goes "terribly wrong."

We thought he did alright.

Check out his performance above!

Thoughts?

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